God, does Jim Wynorski have a decent film in him? And why do I watch his films? Why do I in fact own some of his films on DVD? Maybe because they are so bad, they are fun to watch -- with one eye closed. This time around, an actor with a dazed expression, permanently wrinkled forehead and absolutely no acting ability named Antonio Sabato Jr. (I love the "Jr." part) plays a special forces type named Major John Masters assigned to keep an eye on some billionaire's bubbled-headed daughter on a vacation flight. A sorry-looking group of terrorists take over the flight so they can ransom the daughter. Masters plays cat and mouse with them, just like Bruce Willis did in DIE HARD and Andy "Wishmaster" Divoff did in INTERCEPTOR. On the ground, we see the nervous billionaire and a general who spends the entire film in his undies, as he has been awakened at home to deal with the crisis. Played by old-time TV actors Kevin Dobson and John Beck, all these two guys do is stand around and spout bad dialogue. So does Michael Pare, given costar status as a Marine in charge of an atoll. He and his grunts are ordered by the general to lengthen their runway, in the middle of a "Force 3" hurricane, to allow the now-damaged plane to land (guess who's flying it). The wooden-faced Pare, once something of an action star, has the single best line in the movie, when he yells to his boys to go out and extend that runway, come hell or high water. They proceed to slowly get into these tiny earthmovers that go about 2 mph. It is hysterical and an absolute highlight of the movie. Another funny moment has the plane's passengers sliding down the emergency slide of the now-landed plane. The pilot was shot by one of the now-dead terrorists and requires a stretcher, which Sabato at least remembers to ask for before deplaning with the girl, now his amour, leaving the wounded pilot and a premed student on board. Sabato and the girl walk off camera, with Pare and his men right behind them -- and no stretcher in sight. The End. The fights during the flight are clumsily staged, in case you were wondering. Last but not least, you have never seen a jumbo jet like this, assuming you know anything about jets. Parts of it seem more like rooms in someone's estate. The CGI isn't bad, if obvious. A must-see for those who love really bad movies. Wynorski has been making films for 30 years, and each new one seems like his first. He is the Uwe Boll of STV.
Review of Crash Landing
