The one thing that stuck with me long after watching this movie was the realization that my first impression of Chevy Chase was wrong. When he first appears on screen I was positive he was covered in make up. But as time wore on it became clear that's actually what his head looks like these days. Good Lord...
The current state of Chevy Chase's head is actually the most interesting aspect of this movie. The rest of the movie is celluloid child abuse and by that I mean you really need to rethink your parenting skills if you willingly subject your kids to this. It indicates you hate them and punish them severely or you have a desire to warp their minds with absolute crap.
Children's movies have a lot of apologists out there. People who will toss out "it's a kid's movie, what were you expecting?" or some equally weak line that makes it seem like stories should treat kids like complete idiots and be poorly structure from the beginning, because what do kids know? They're probably stupid enough to buy it.
Maybe I was an overly sarcastic child, but I know I would have ripped this movie a new one back in the day, too. It's garbage heaped on garbage.
Why does Courtney Cox have pratfalls? Just because Laurel and Hardy haven't done a lot of work lately, there's no need for Courtney Cox to steal their shtick. Nor is there need for her to deliver some of the worst lines in filmed history, but whatever. The writer of this film is a demon that needs to be exorcised by a force far greater than me.
What abominably forgetful and unobservant, near-sighted beast edited this thing? Never have I seen such heinous editing in all my life. Montage after montage is tossed at you and in no way do the events portrayed therein reflect the story that exists when the montage stops. It makes no sense at all. You have Tim Allen, just as talentless and unfunny as ever, being crabby and pathetic as the would-be teacher to these kids, then a montage starts and everyone looks like they're having the time of their life, then the montage ends and someone whines about how Tim Allen still isn't doing his job and the kids need him and blah blah. All until the next montage starts when everything seems happy again.
But wait, there's more. Smash Mouth? Are you joking? Who thought, in 2006, that a band no one has cared about in 5 years would be good for a soundtrack? A band that has to accompany every single one of the numerous, pointless montages. And to keep things consistent, all the rest of the songs in the movie are also outdated. But...why? Did they get a deal on a NOW CD or something? Why did they cast a kid who isn't fat as a fat kid and then stuff a pillow down his shirt? Why can I see the boom mic? Didn't anyone at all care about how this movie looked? Why do casting directors always look to Tim Allen when they have a horribly unfunny children's movie to make? I get that he's not funny so it stays in the theme but I can't help but think maybe they didn't intentionally set out to make the movie unfunny.
When Rip Torn says "I speak Greek not Geek" I could almost see all the 4 year olds around the world rolling their eyes as one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the entire end of this movie was improv. It's the only explanation I can think of for why it's so terrible. The entire awful, nonsensical movie builds up to this ending with this super villain whose powers are inexplicably nullified by Tim Allen in an absolutely idiotic body stocking and helmet running around him really fast. Then everything is cool again.
In a nutshell, this is a perfect movie if you want to punish your children for some nameless crime, or if you're just an unloving kind of person. For any other reason, I can't imagine anyone needs to watch this. Ever.
The current state of Chevy Chase's head is actually the most interesting aspect of this movie. The rest of the movie is celluloid child abuse and by that I mean you really need to rethink your parenting skills if you willingly subject your kids to this. It indicates you hate them and punish them severely or you have a desire to warp their minds with absolute crap.
Children's movies have a lot of apologists out there. People who will toss out "it's a kid's movie, what were you expecting?" or some equally weak line that makes it seem like stories should treat kids like complete idiots and be poorly structure from the beginning, because what do kids know? They're probably stupid enough to buy it.
Maybe I was an overly sarcastic child, but I know I would have ripped this movie a new one back in the day, too. It's garbage heaped on garbage.
Why does Courtney Cox have pratfalls? Just because Laurel and Hardy haven't done a lot of work lately, there's no need for Courtney Cox to steal their shtick. Nor is there need for her to deliver some of the worst lines in filmed history, but whatever. The writer of this film is a demon that needs to be exorcised by a force far greater than me.
What abominably forgetful and unobservant, near-sighted beast edited this thing? Never have I seen such heinous editing in all my life. Montage after montage is tossed at you and in no way do the events portrayed therein reflect the story that exists when the montage stops. It makes no sense at all. You have Tim Allen, just as talentless and unfunny as ever, being crabby and pathetic as the would-be teacher to these kids, then a montage starts and everyone looks like they're having the time of their life, then the montage ends and someone whines about how Tim Allen still isn't doing his job and the kids need him and blah blah. All until the next montage starts when everything seems happy again.
But wait, there's more. Smash Mouth? Are you joking? Who thought, in 2006, that a band no one has cared about in 5 years would be good for a soundtrack? A band that has to accompany every single one of the numerous, pointless montages. And to keep things consistent, all the rest of the songs in the movie are also outdated. But...why? Did they get a deal on a NOW CD or something? Why did they cast a kid who isn't fat as a fat kid and then stuff a pillow down his shirt? Why can I see the boom mic? Didn't anyone at all care about how this movie looked? Why do casting directors always look to Tim Allen when they have a horribly unfunny children's movie to make? I get that he's not funny so it stays in the theme but I can't help but think maybe they didn't intentionally set out to make the movie unfunny.
When Rip Torn says "I speak Greek not Geek" I could almost see all the 4 year olds around the world rolling their eyes as one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the entire end of this movie was improv. It's the only explanation I can think of for why it's so terrible. The entire awful, nonsensical movie builds up to this ending with this super villain whose powers are inexplicably nullified by Tim Allen in an absolutely idiotic body stocking and helmet running around him really fast. Then everything is cool again.
In a nutshell, this is a perfect movie if you want to punish your children for some nameless crime, or if you're just an unloving kind of person. For any other reason, I can't imagine anyone needs to watch this. Ever.