Crocodile (1979)
5/10
Nothing Short of Remarkable
5 December 2006
Giant rampaging monster alligator/crocodile movies are a (cough) pet favorite of mine. The grand daddy is probably Sergio Martino's GIANT ALLIGATOR RIVER with Barbara Bach. Other notables are KILLER CROCODILE and the environmentally conscious KILLER CROCODILE 2, not to mention Wes Craven's CROCODILE, and the two ALLIGATOR films cleverly named ALLIGATOR and ALLIGATOR 2, and of course Tobe Hooper's EATEN ALIVE. Even the Six Million Dollar Man fights a giant alligator or two, proving that this was a cross medium phenomenon.

Usually the stories amount to little more than rip-offs of various themes presented in JAWS, with an avenging family member trying to stop a rampaging mutant crocodile from eating it's way through some sort of tourist holiday/celebration, much to the annoyance of the uncaring or corrupt local officials. The reason why they usually "work" on a simplistic, juvenile and lunkheaded level is the Roger Ebert quote, "Show me someone who isn't afraid of a 40 foot long rampaging mutant alligator and I will show you a fool." Sompote Sands' CROCODILE will probably not be remembered as a classic of the genre, which is a shame, since it is one of the most remarkable films ever made. Half schlock JAWS ripoff and half leftover GODZILLA inspired rampaging monster movie, this is actually a production of the notorious Dick Randall, the brainiac behind such deliriously enjoyable bits of trash as KONG ISLAND, THE GIRL IN ROOM 2A, PIECES and HORROR SAFARI. We know we are in for quality, especially with the opening montage of disaster footage, hydrogen bomb test scenes and the sight of two topless teenage girls kicking and screaming while in the jaws of a huge fake monster crocodile puppet.

The movie never looks back: A doctor's family is decimated by an overgrown rampaging mutant crocodile who has seen JAWS and lurks in the sea, waiting to gobble up bikini-clad swimmers with pert breasts. Between feedings it smashes up native villages with a gusto not seen since KING KONG VS. GODZILLA. At one point it even swallows a water buffalo whole -- no easy feat -- then proceeds to gulp down an entire tourist group from Great Falls, Montana, injecting a curious duality into this Thai made film: Eating topless girls? Forgivable exploitation, I guess. Destroying native villages & their livestock? Nyehh ... Eating Caucasian tourists? NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Something must be done!

Concerned that having a giant rampaging mutant crocodile in his coastal waters gobbling up tourists might hurt the local economy the owner of the local Nike sweatshop allows our hero to organize a JAWS inspired personal revenge mission to hunt down and exterminate the crocodile, and then the plagiarism really kicks into full steam. We get the devil may care seaman with a personal grudge against crocodiles, the bright young student type who's lover was also eaten by the crocodile, and a feckless reporter who wants a scoop all joining forces on the sailor's boat to chase the crocodile with a dynamite tipped harpoon gun. They even use floating oil drums painted bright primary colors to track it and at one point one of the team members is swallowed whole. Not eaten, swallowed.

In case you have not gotten the picture yet this movie is utterly absurd, starting with the crocodile itself, which like Godzilla has the ability to change scale from scene to scene depending on the needs of the shooting script. Sometimes it is as big as a jumbo jet, others only as big as Mr. T for those tight, closeup shots of the crocodile biting people's legs off. At one point I ceased caring about the story and just enjoyed the wild unevenness of the movie, blending images that look like they were culled from Mr. Randall's 1978 production also called CROCODILE with modern day footage of the intrepid crocodile hunters boldly facing the wrath of nature to bring the crocodile to reptilian justice by blowing it up with the dynamite. The special effects are also hypnotically staged, though they look about as "realistic" as those Christmas specials with the little puppets & the Burgermeister Meisterburger.

Is it a good movie? Heavens no. Is it a fun movie? Perhaps. Is it an obscure, ultra hard to find gem of Z grade cinema worth finding just to laugh at? Absolutely! And I got exactly what I wanted from it, at least: A silly, exploitative, voyeuristic, at times disproportionately gory ultra low budget movie from Thailand about a giant rampaging mutant crocodile eating lots of people & then getting blown up real good. If you look for anything else in such a movie you are utterly wasting your time.

5/10
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