This actually wins the award for the worst movie I've ever seen. I give that award seriously. I've seen everything. At one point in this movie I said, "If she (Lolita D) laughs again for no reason in that annoying way, then I'm going to turn this off." seconds later she laughed for no reason in that annoying way for about the millionth time in the movie. I turned it off and have never seen the ending. One day I will muster the courage and watch it again. Like torture. to make me appreciate good movies. This movie is so canned that it looked like it written and directed by the same person...Hey! IT WAS written and directed by the same person. Ron Shelton. Classic movie idea of the week that fulfills his contract and Woody's and Antonio's. What did the story sessions sound like in Shelton's head?
"Let's make them doctors....no, basketball players. No, that movie has already been made. Didn't I make it in 1992? Oh, yeah. How about boxers? Yeah. And they'll be totally out of shape. Or maybe I'll just direct the fighting in such a way that you can't tell they are out of shape. yeah. and they'll drive for 60 minutes from L.A. to Vegas so I can keep it under budget and take care of that favor I owe the guy at MGM. Sure. And there will be a prostitute. And they will take bathroom breaks. And there will be expensive cars. We want the 15 year old kids who are stoned and who snuck into the movie to be happy. So the hooker will have sex on a pile of tires. Yeah. that's funny. Will we need a script? Naw. why bother? we need to make this movie in six days because I've got to go to Hawaii to play golf. So no script. And if we can't get Antonio Banderas then well use Lorenzo Lamas. No one will know the difference. Or maybe Woody will just talk to himself and we'll treat it like a David Lynch movie. They will ad lib everything. The important thing is to imply a lot of raunchy sex and to waste as much time in the desert as possible. And when in doubt we can just play Motown songs for 11 minutes. That will keep the stoned kids awake."
After that Shelton wrote this down on a napkin and got his agent to broker the deal. a week later the movie was in the can. a month later it was in a video store collecting dust. five years later I picked it up because I'd seen everything else. an hour into it I sat with an absolute blank look on my face and announced "If she laughs for no reason one more time..." the rest is history.
"Let's make them doctors....no, basketball players. No, that movie has already been made. Didn't I make it in 1992? Oh, yeah. How about boxers? Yeah. And they'll be totally out of shape. Or maybe I'll just direct the fighting in such a way that you can't tell they are out of shape. yeah. and they'll drive for 60 minutes from L.A. to Vegas so I can keep it under budget and take care of that favor I owe the guy at MGM. Sure. And there will be a prostitute. And they will take bathroom breaks. And there will be expensive cars. We want the 15 year old kids who are stoned and who snuck into the movie to be happy. So the hooker will have sex on a pile of tires. Yeah. that's funny. Will we need a script? Naw. why bother? we need to make this movie in six days because I've got to go to Hawaii to play golf. So no script. And if we can't get Antonio Banderas then well use Lorenzo Lamas. No one will know the difference. Or maybe Woody will just talk to himself and we'll treat it like a David Lynch movie. They will ad lib everything. The important thing is to imply a lot of raunchy sex and to waste as much time in the desert as possible. And when in doubt we can just play Motown songs for 11 minutes. That will keep the stoned kids awake."
After that Shelton wrote this down on a napkin and got his agent to broker the deal. a week later the movie was in the can. a month later it was in a video store collecting dust. five years later I picked it up because I'd seen everything else. an hour into it I sat with an absolute blank look on my face and announced "If she laughs for no reason one more time..." the rest is history.