Shoreditch (2003)
1/10
Truly, madly, deeply useless
5 September 2003
Little point going into detail as it is unlikely that Shoreditch will see the light of day. I guess it may surface on TV, by virtue of the fact that Shane "Eastenders" Richie is in it. A true embarrassment for all involved, there is little to redeem this mess. The plot, switching between present day and a 1939 jazz club, is pointless and ludicrous beyond belief. The script is truly terrible, especially the dialogue (did they say "f**k weed" in 1939 London?) and tonally it hasn't got a clue where it's at. Humour (or an attempt at it) in the 2001 scenes, contrasting with the supposed suspense thriller of 1939...

I could go on but I'm losing the will to live just thinking about this woeful movie. Spare a thought for Shane Richie - not only does he suck in the lead role but he also sank half a million quid into it, which is why he is now an indentured serf on Eastenders.

Mama mia... a cautionary tale to all movie investors. If you can't recognise a script like this as a total stinker then get out of the business!
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