fenixurban Reviews

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

My Review

[10/10 · 13 June 2008]

NOTE: most of what I'll be saying is in comparison to Iron Man.

Okay, yeah, um, TOTAL BADASSNESS!!!! The last Hulk was more like, "Attack of the Play-Doh Man". But this one... oh man. Not only does the Incredible Hulk delivery, but it exceeded all of my expectations. Lets face it, after Iron Man's success, this film was a coin toss. It was either going to be really good or really bad, and what were the chances that ANOTHER Marvel movie would be just as great? Well... it is.

Since I am comparing it to Iron Man, I'd say it's on par with it.

Pros: In terms of it's action, it's more intense and more "edge of your seat" than Iron Man. In terms of its emotional connection, Incredible Hulk is better as well. Yes, Eddy Norton is, as usual, the s**t. He plays a GREAT Bruce Banner and is more than convincing in his performance. It may not be his BEST acting job, (see "Fight Club") but it's high on that ladder. And Liv Tyler, holy crap. I was IMPRESSED. I mean, she may be too beautiful for the role of Betty Ross, but her acting is the best I've ever seen. Hell, I find it better than when she was Arwen in "Lord of the Rings." In short, I was just blown away by her performance this time around. William Hurt, awesome and convincing, as always. Tim Roth makes for an excellent bad guy, and not even an over-the-top kind. And of course, the special effects blew me away, which is pretty hard to do, nowadays. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Cons: Even though its writing isn't AS GOOD as Iron Man, it's still respectable and better than most (that didn't sound like a con, did it?). Also, for a brief moment, it had one of those "okay, that scene just had no reason to be in the movie" moments. It's still funny, but it's just something I noticed (yeah, still doesn't sound like a con, does it?).

Yeah, similar to Iron Man, there aren't too many cons to say about it.

So if you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT!!! If you have seen it, GO SEE IT AGAIN!!! If you have no interest in seeing it, FIND INTEREST, GO SEE IT, AND THEN SEE IT AGAIN!!! If you've gone bankrupt from seeing it too many times, STEAL MONEY FROM SOMEONE AND SEE IT UNTIL YOU BANKRUPT THAT PERSON TOO!!! Just kidding. ^_^ Anyway, yeah, 10/10. GO EDWARD NORTON!!!!!!!!!!!

TMNT (2007)

Not bad at all

[9/10 · 25 March 2007]

Okay, when I was little, I was a big Turtle fan. I had this deep, emotion connection with the show. Years later, yes, I never give it much thought. In a way, my hopes were answered when I found out this movie was coming out. One could just look at it and tell that this movie is either going to be really good or really bad.

I was shocked.

I'm not going to spoil anything, but I will say this. Like many, I was glad to not see Shredder. But that aside, this movie was REALLY well done. It, like many action movies, has its faults (cheesy dialog for instance), but they suit this kind of a movie and franchise. The action sequences were great and the story was compelling and moving. The characters were well developed, and of course, totally freaking awesome. I also say that it is good that the story is darker than the cartoon from the early 90's. Personally, I feel the most moving stories have to be dark.

In short, this movie does a great job targeting audiences of all ages. Cartoony for the kids, compelling and interesting plot for the teens, and very good morals to remind the parents of what they should be teaching their kids. 9/10.

Ghost Rider (2007)

It has its ups and downs

[8/10 · 17 February 2007]

Alright, I'm sure that a lot of people were expecting this movie to suck because of Nicolas Cage, or it will just flat out suck. Let me be the first to say that this movie has its ups and downs.

Ups: Great CGI, compelling characters, good enough story/plot.

Downs: Not Nicholas Cage's character, (he's not a bad actor, but it isn't his greatest role) very clichéd 60 percent of the time, and there are a few "random moments." (The crap that happens and there's no point in it) Personally, I like this movie because it has an awesome character, the Ghost Rider, and it's about Hell. So if you can hack the clichés and the "downs" in general, you may enjoy this movie enough. Again, it's not the greatest, and the movie could have done better with another actor playing Johnny Blaze, but it's impressive. 8/10.

House of the Dead (2003)

Crap, crap, and MEGA crap... Who else has done that?

[1/10 · 3 February 2007]

Okay, this is going to be long, but please bear with me. Now, I'm not going to spoil this movie for anybody who might not have seen it, but I'll just give you a little NON-SPOILING teaser-like thing. Just to give you context. IT'S HORRIBLE!!! This is how the movie was made: The director grabbed every bad movie that was ever made by human being, all of the worst dialogue and shoved it into a shotgun. Then the director pulled the trigger and then picked up the pieces and placed them all nicely on a table and then grabbed a bazooka and blew up what was left of the movies/screenplays. But somehow a few pieces managed to stay intact. So he sent the writer to pick up all the pieces of the movie and tried to make a script out of it (TRIED) and failed miserably. He thought he was making a script, but nothing seemed right. But he didn't care. He just handed that to the actors and they TRIED to read it, but it was so confusing and stuff that they thought it was a combination of Peruvian/Russian/Japanese and Elvish (from Lord of the Rings) Obviously, one language is hard enough to learn and one of these languages shouldn't even be known by the average Joe and plain Jane. But the actors didn't care. They TRIED to read but got nothing and then lost the scripts an eighth of the way through shooting.

Then the actors go to the director for... well... DIRECTION!!! (an amazing unheard concept. I mean, whoever heard of a director giving directions? Hmm) Well, he finally decided to help. But this guy is a big fat guy and he forgot what movie he was making. So trying to make himself sound like he still knew what he was doing, he just kept saying stuff like, "okay and then... this person shows up... and then... you die... No the zombie won't kill you. It's part of the drama. Just lie there and pretend to die. yeah, good. Perfect." but in the end, he realized that this wasn't helping and... well, actually, he did something really smart. As in, seriously, this was pretty cool. No other director could have pulled it off. (ie: Spielberg, Lucas, Jackson) The director went to get a lobotomy.

Then he came back and WITH A PSYCHIC TRANSLATOR. Interesting enough, this psychic translator believed that he could read the minds of vegetables. (Which doesn't make sense because the part of their mind that allows thought is gone) But he couldn't really. So the actors turned to them for help and asked the translator what the director was thinking. But he couldn't understand anything. (Amazing) He was reading his OWN mind, but he still didn't get it. He thought he was hearing a combination of German/Russian and a form of Slavic. And the best part is, this psychic translator is a fat little Egyptian kid with a twinky in his mouth. And he telling the actors what he thinks the director is saying but he doesn't speak English. But the actors (smart as they are) think that they know what he's saying a begin improvising the whole damn movie.

That's pretty much what you've got. My advise to you, see it if you must. You will not like it, and if you do, tell me why. I haven't the slightest idea how you can like this movie. You can enjoy it maybe, but not like it.

(By the way, I have nothing against Egyptians. I think they are a highly underrated people. I am not trying to insult anyone who is Egyptian or a vegetable. Even if you were involved with House of the Dead.) So all in all, bad movie, save your time, not worth it unless you want to make fun of it. -10/10. (yeah, it's that good.)

Blood Diamond (2006)

The perfect action movie

[10/10 · 3 February 2007]

In all my years of watching action movies, they all seem to have one thing missing. Explosions, gunfire, death, plots, compelling characters, too much clichéd dialogue, etc... But nothing can compare to this movie.

Blood Diamond is full of explosions and nonstop gunfire. There's enough blood to keep the sick vampyric people satisfied, (like myself) a very compelling story that almost seems like it happened once, and of course, the characters. None of them said anything all that clichéd, and Leo's performance is SPECTACULAR. As in, this was his best role yet. (In my opinion) Djimon Hounsou is also great, Jennifer Connelly was breath-taking, in both acting and looks. Not to mention, FINALLY, nothing was random. As in everything made sense. Ever seen those action movies where crap happens and there's no explanation why it happened? Like all of a sudden, a building explodes or a zombie just comes out and eats a person out of nowhere or a vampire was just stabbed - right there? If so, Blood Diamond decided to rebel against those clichés and made something awesome. I applaud everyone involved in this movie.

9.99/10

The Marine (2006)

Not Bad at All

[8/10 · 14 October 2006]

The other day, I heard a clichéd but semi-truthful joke from Jeff Foxworthy about couples going to the movies. Women want romance and a story. Men want car crashes and full frontal nudity.

Let me the first to tell you that this movie has romance but nearly no story. Also, there are only a few car crashes but where the movie lacks in that, it makes up for tons of explosions. But no nudity. (Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I'm a story guy myself.)

This movie is basically the most clichéd action movie in the world. A big muscular guy who blows up crap and kicks a lot of butt and has to save the damsel in distress. But if a person could set down the clichés, this movie isn't half bad. It is by no means a "great" movie, but it is by far the most enjoyable movie I have seen in the past few years. It'll keep you entertained until the very end. Fast-paced, edge-of-your-seat, and powerful. It made me feel like joining the Marines. (If it doesn't make you feel like that, let me know.)

If you want a movie with romance and a story, not for you. If you want a movie with car crashes and full frontal nudity... still not really for you. But if you just want to see a movie where there's just mindless but awesome explosions and intense fight scenes, I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed. Definitely worth the ten bucks. 8/10.