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amason-6
Reviews
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Disney, thanks for nothing!
It pains me to give this movie a rating of one star, but after watching less than 15 minutes, I actually thought to myself, "who wrote this crap"? And yes, I'm looking at you Taika Waititi - it may be time to hang up your pen! This movie has some good talent in it, so it's a shame they were treated like idiots with poor dialogue, too many bad jokes that fell flat, and a plot that needed a major overhaul.
Fat Thor turns into buff Thor and gets his very own nude scene - but relax ladies, he's only shown from behind. There were so many bad lines and lame jokes that I can't even pick out just one, but hey, at least Thor got to play a caricature of his former self!
Smart Jane Foster turns into cancer ridden Jane, who then turns into Female Thor. Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, which was crushed to pieces by Hela, becomes whole again and is instructed by Thor to protect Jane. Apparently Mjolnir didn't understand and instead turns her into Female Thor whenever she picks up the hammer. Jane has new strength and hopes that a miracle will heal her. Unbeknownst to her, the hammer is actually drawing her remaining strength out, leaving her body unable to fight off the progressing cancer. Thor and Jane rekindle their love, only to be separated permanently by Jane's untimely death. Also, it looks like Jane became more godlike than human, because she joins other dead Asgardians in Valhalla.
The Guardians of the Galaxy make an unremarkable appearance at the beginning of the film, but they are totally ineffectual until Thor shows up and saves the day. Say goodbye to the Guardians.
Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) turns into King Valkyrie instead of Queen, without any real reason given. She's not given enough to do and is rather a wasted character, which is a shame.
One of the better characters is Gorr (Christian Bale) who turns into the "god butcher" after being chosen by the Necrosword, and sets out to kill all gods. He also isn't given enough screen time and also becomes a wasted character.
Funny rock guy Korg turns into the unfunny and annoying "Jar Jar Binks" of this movie. (writer/director and voice of Korg, Mr. Waititi makes sure to give himself plenty of dialogue) I found myself just wishing Korg would shut up and die, but even after being reduced to rubble, his dang face remains in one piece and he can still talk! Later on he appears to have "regrown" himself and he's back in one piece.
Zeus (Russell Crowe) can't decide if he's an all powerful god, or just a simpering weakling who picks up his short "skirt" as he sashays down a few steps. I guess he was just showing off his "feminine side". Thor called him the most powerful god, but they cast an out of shape, flabby Crowe to play the part. Crowe also assumes the most atrocious accent and ends up sounding like a Greek mafia king, who turns out to be neither a strong nor benevolent god.
There also seemed to be a lot of confusion as to who or which weapon was the strongest. First it's female Thor and her hammer, then it's male Thor and his axe, then it's Zeus and his golden lightning bolt, or it's Gorr and his Necrosword. In order to blur the lines between all of them, the movie used darkness, shadows, and a whole lot of CGI for the fight scenes so it didn't matter anyway.
Disney continues to further its "anything goes" stance by bringing out how Korg had 2 fathers who got together and produced him. Then there's Valkyrie who admits to loving another woman, and let's not forget how everyone was invited to a giant, fun loving orgy by Zeus. It seems the mighty Zeus would rather use his strength for lots of sex, rather than save a bunch of innocent children from death by Necrosword.
This movie had so much potential but it never lived up to it. I love the Marvel Universe and all its characters. They deserved so much better than this mishmash of tripe. I really wanted to like this movie, but felt let down on every level. Shame on you Disney. I'm sure Stan Lee is turning over in his grave.
The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)
Tick tock - this movie died.
I honestly don't understand how people can call this great family entertainment. I'm not even sure how this movie got a PG rating. It is definitely NOT for kids! Unless you consider shape shifting witches, warlocks, a demon, a blood spell that brings the dead back to life, murderous vomiting jack-o- lanterns, and creepy dolls that attack, well you get the picture, not good material for kids. I'm just sorry I didn't check this movie out more thoroughly because I could have saved my time and money. But I figured PG rating - what could be wrong? The themes were way more for adults than children, and what little humor there was missed the mark. I'm just sorry that I didn't walk out when I wanted to but I kept thinking the movie could somehow redeem itself.
Save your time, your money, and your kids brains - don't get sucked in by this trash.
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)
I feel so cheated!!!
I really REALLY wanted to like this movie. I love the Ice Age movies, but they haven't gotten better with time - only worse. And this is the worst of the worst. Save your money, save your time, and go hit yourself in the head with a hammer - trust me, it'll be more fun than watching this movie! The animation was nice but I have nothing else good to say about it. The story-line was lame, the actors just walked through their inane lines, and it all felt so tired, with trite jokes and forced dialogue. There was also no cohesiveness and part way into the movie a whole new bunch of characters sprang up and I kept wondering where they came from. The jokes were so lame that my husband and I actually turned to each other at the same time thinking "did they really just SAY that"? This movie was so horrid it had me squirming in my seat. I felt sad - so very sad that the movie makers couldn't tell the difference between a good sequel and a cheap rip-off. I also felt cheated, really cheated, that the writers/directors made caricatures out of such great characters. I think I laughed once or twice at Scrat - but how many times can you hear his silly sound effects or watch his eyes bulge and his tail fluff before even that becomes unfunny? This movie is an insult to anyone who likes the Ice Age movies and should have never been made. We did not subject ourselves to the full torture - we walked out about half way through this poor excuse for entertainment.
Cars 2 (2011)
Going....going..........gone
How sad to rate this movie "awful" - but that's what it was. Really, I LOVE Pixar films - I even really liked Cars 1 - but this movie fails on so many levels.
I saw this movie with my husband and he's in agreement - Cars 2 was not good. It was too busy and loud, so many things going on at once it all just sort of blended together. The trusty and likable old characters were relegated to the back burner, leaving Mater and some unlikable new characters to carry the show. I didn't give a hoot about the new characters, the plot was convoluted and lame, and it just wasn't funny. Honestly, I may have laughed once or twice, but that was it! It wasn't really geared toward young children, and the other adults in the theater seemed to be as bored as we were. Half way through the movie I found myself thinking "when is this thing gonna get better?" Then answer was - never.
If you must see it, rent it and save yourself some money. Pixar - you owe us one for this stinker!
Rango (2011)
A complete waste of time and money!!!!!
I wish i'd read reviews before i went to see this - but i like to form my own opinions. It's animated, it's PG - should be entertaining, right? WRONG!!! My husband and i saw Rango today - when we left the theater we both looked at each other and said "i didn't like it". I will give credit to the animation, but little else.
I agree with other reviews on many points. Not a family movie, not a kids movie, not funny, boring, and unlikable and undeveloped characters. I actually found myself resting my head in my hand and wishing the movie would end. I kept looking around at other adults who seemed just as bored as i was. I felt sorry for the kids in the theater - they weren't laughing and i think much of the movie was hard for them to understand. The characters hardly grow or develop, so i found myself not really caring what happened to them.
What disturbs me most about Rango are the dark undertones which run throughout the movie. I'm not a prude, but i would not take kids to this movie. If i were a young child watching the movie, the large rattlesnake which filled the screen many times would have really scared me. What bothers me is that this is offered as family entertainment. The lead female character telling the snake to "go to Hell"? And the serpent, with glowing eyes looking like evil personified, replying "where do you think i come from?" HELLO???!!! There are many people who take heaven and hell, and God and Satan seriously - not something to joke about.
Wake up people - this is NOT entertainment - and it certainly is not for young children. Give me UP, or CARS or FINDING NEMO any day! Are we so desensitized to violence and evil that we don't even see it anymore when it's right in front of our faces? This movie was a waste of time and money - my only regret is that we didn't get our money back and walk out. I kept hoping Rango would get better or somehow redeem itself. It never did. Save your money and your time and rent Shrek instead.
Time Changer (2002)
Times change but God doesn't!!
You will either like or ridicule this movie - depending on where you stand with Jesus Christ. If you're an atheist, agnostic or non-Christian, you will probably bash this movie. If you're a professing Christian and still didn't like this movie, or found it boring or preachy - then you may want to go back and examine your beliefs and commitment to Jesus. This world is filled with complacent Christians who don't really want to hear the gospel anymore. They want to sit in church and hear a "nice" sermon, but they don't want God to actually change their lives. If you're a Christian and Jesus hasn't changed your life, you may want to re-examine your faith.
As for the movie content, Time Changer doesn't pretend to be a high-budget sci-fi blockbuster. For those who complain they were "fooled" into watching Time Changer, didn't you read the movie description? Bible professor, seminary, morals and Christianity - what would you expect the movie to be about? It's ironic how many people who hate this film will have no problem with sex or violence in films. Yes, this movie has a point - but many of the comments here are really far fetched. The professor is criticized for being too stuffy and prim - but what else would you expect of a Bible professor from the 1800's thrown into the present day world? Of course his actions would seem odd and out of place. This movie is not anti-Semitic, it does not idealize the 1890's, it does not justify religious atrocities of the past - but it does have a very important message. There is an absolute truth, and one day everyone will understand it - whether or not they understand it at this moment. We all choose the way we want to live our lives - our morals are a choice. If you base your values and beliefs on unchangeable truth, then your values will remain constant. If you don't have a moral compass and are guided by your own imperfect humanity, then your morals and values will change with the wind (depending on what you believe at any given time). If truth weren't constant, it would not be truth. The movie brings this to light - that man without God is lost and drifting toward a demise of his own making. It also points out that humans, when left to their own devices, gravitate toward violence and destruction. If you don't agree, just read the news! If our internal "truth" was perfect this world wouldn't be in it's present condition of moral decline. Time Changer doesn't predict an end-times date - that's why the movie fades out before the time machine gets set to a specific date. The point it was trying to make is that the end may be closer than we think. The biblical sermon by Prof. Carlisle tells it like it is - whether or not you appreciate the message depends on your faith in God's word. A world without God is a world headed for destruction - and that's the exact path we're on right now. And for those who nitpick about the professor "lying" at the end of the movie - when he yelled that Jesus was coming back he was actually trying to save the men who wanted to apprehend him. The Prof. knew the time machine was going to take him back to 1890 at any moment, and if the men had laid hands on him they probably would have died since nothing from the future could travel back in time.
If you want a movie that has bible based truth, you'll enjoy Time Changer. I'm not ashamed of the gospel or of being a Christian - and i recommend this film to Christians and non-believers alike!
No Reservations (2007)
Give me Ratatouille any day!
I gave this movie 3 stars - one for each main actor because I know they all tried - really tried. But they were working with a very poor script and a maudlin, predictable story. This movie could not decide what genre it wanted to be - drama, romance, comedy, tear-jerker - so it tried to be all of them - and failed. The characters were unlikable - with the exception of Abigail Breslin. But even she became annoying when uttering very un-childlike lines which were supposed to be clever or cute. CZJ's character was extremely dour and Aaron Eckhart's character was overdone in places and underdone in others. All in all, the chemistry was forced between the leads (I saw more chemistry in Ratatouille!) and it had the most irritating musical score that kept repeating itself over and over....and over. We rented this film, and when I went to get a drink I told my husband not to hit "pause" - I just wanted this disappointing movie to be over!
The Wedding Date (2005)
romantic--------no way
Since the inane plot has already been rehashed enough, i'd just to comment on the movie's billing as a romantic comedy. What exactly constitutes romance (and comedy) nowadays? Desperate dateless woman pays $6,000 for male escort/whore to take her to her half-sisters wedding (to make ex-fiancé jealous). Girl then sleeps with "excort" a few days later - but was drunk so doesn't remember it the next day. Escort then LIES and tells her they didn't sleep together - but if they had he would've charged her 1700 pounds. Girls ex-fiancé then admits he dumped her because he slept with her half sister - and continued to do so for the next 2 years. And now the ex-fiancé is the best friend (and best man) of the man who's marrying the half-sister. Oh yes, this movie is just dripping with romance, right? If this is what people find romantic, then they don't know the meaning of romance anymore. And somewhere in this whole mess, the girl and the escort fall in love, like i didn't see that coming. I found the ending particularly trite and predictable - all the loose ends were tied up and the couples remained intact. Give me Cary Grant and Debra Kerr in an Affair to Remember any day - now that was romance! If you have any discerning taste at all - don't waste your time or brain cells on this sad excuse for romantic comedy!
Monster House (2006)
bad, horrible, terrible, DON'T BOTHER!!!!!!!!
I honestly can't believe what passes for entertainment now. Death (and making fun of death), violence, sexual innuendo, adults threatening children, crudeness, alcohol abuse by minors, drug theft, dysfunctional parents, babysitter from hell, stereotypical jokes about African Americans, police and fat people, and kids sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night - yup, sure sounds like a kids movie to me - NOT!!! Add to that the dark and scary elements - a dead woman possessing and turning into a house and keeping her loving husband a prisoner inside for over 20 years, and also terrorizing an entire neighborhood - how sweet for kids. PARENTS - is this really what you want your kids to be watching - is this what you want to teach them about life?!
This movie is too scary for young kids, and i'm afraid that teens today may be living some of this movie scenario - so why rub it in their faces? As for an adult audience - you won't find it scary or amusing - just boring, contrived and predictable. And the characters are just wrong - clueless parents, ignorant police, stupid and annoying friends, nasty and manipulative babysitters, and beer drinking/womanizing boyfriends. What great material for kids - does this really sound like a children's movie to anyone? Even the computer animation and good voice work aren't enough to redeem this terrible flick. Save your money, save your time, and save your children's minds - go rent Ice Age, Monsters Inc., the Incredibles, Shrek, A Bug's Life - ANY of them are way better than this horrid film. Spielberg and Zemeckis - shame on both of you for making such a disaster and then billing it as a children's/family movie!!
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
my stinko ex girlfriend
What a waste of time and money! My hubby and I saw this movie - after seeing the previews and thinking it "might be funny". WRONG! This movie is about 90 minutes too long. The actors are trapped in a poorly written script and can't get out. The jokes are weak and tired, and not even seeing Wilson's naked behind can redeem any part of this film. The special effects.....aren't. I half expected to see the harness and wires holding up Uma in her flying scenes. And when the effects people apparently could not master the superhero's faster-than-a-speeding-bullet flying or fight scenes, they covered over everything with a swirling vortex of blurred screen - which hid the awful effects quite nicely. Wilson's sidekick was a lame excuse for a man and Wilson had no chemistry with either Uma or his office co-worker. The sex scenes weren't sexy and the funny scenes weren't funny. I guess I just expected too much from these actors. None of the characters were really sympathetic, so I ended up not caring a flying fig about any of them. The only memorable performances were the kids who played Bedlam and G-Girl as teenagers - at least THEY had some chemistry. Overall, a super stinko movie - I wouldn't even recommend it as a rental - it would still be a waste of money!