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Reviews
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Boring
It's basically Zack Snyder attempting to write Star Wars without it being Star Wars.
Instead it feels like a really long episode of Little House on the Prarie and someone is trying to steal their land, but with Irish accents.
Dialogue is awful. Actors all look bored. Pace is painfully slow. Fight scene choreography is straight out of Adam West/Burt Ward batman taking on Penguin's henchmen. It's all in slo-mo, making it obvious that nobody is hitting anyone.
I would say this was a poor effort all the way round, but doing so would imply that someone, anyone put forth any effort into making this worthwhile.
The Lincoln Lawyer (2022)
They quit trying after season 1
I thought the first season was great. Everything I loved about season 1 is nowhere to be found.
Season 2 is just annoyingly dumb. It's just very poorly written. If it's the same writer's they apparently didn't want to come back and didn't even try.
Mickey is a brilliant lawyer the first season and looks like an incompetent rookie in the second. It's extremely annoying how clueless he is. H9w many times is he going to get duped?
If you can look past all the horrible plot points, weak legal arguments and bad dialogue... why would a guy apparently on the cover of every major publication run an ad on a bus stop bench so people can draw a penis on his face? (actually shown in one episode)
And why would he take on a simple B&E? They keep talking about his case load but he apparently takes everything yet he doesn't have other lawyers at his firm to handle anything trivial.
Even the cut scenes to transition between locations are brutal. They slowly follow a car as it casually drives through an intersection with a light that's been red for a few seconds and there's no cross traffic - IN DOWNTOWN LA. And the cop car just ignores it.
Then they try to make up a slick caper at the end of the trial. But in the end it wasn't clever like Oceans 11. It was like Oceans 12 - "hey, Julia Roberts' character look a lot like Julia Roberts. Maybe that can be part of our scam."
Izzy (the driver) is great. Lorna is great but the stuff between her and Cisco was brutal. I pretty much wanted bad things to happen to all the other characters except Mickey's daughter.
Season 1 was great. Season 2 was as bad as it gets.
Kalifat (2020)
Great until it got really stupid.
I was hooked in the beginning. After the first four or five episodes it was really good. It wasn't perfect but it was good.
But the came episode six and the slow started slowly turning into sheer garbage.
The writing became bloody awful. The characters all became unbearably stupid. Whatever intelligence anyone had during the first few episodes just disappeared.
It's so disappointing to have what could have been a great series fall apart like this.
Don't understand why the reviews have to be so long now but I have to keep writing to meet the minimum characters.
The writing the last few episodes is trash.
Rogue Agent (2022)
Rubbish
James Norton turns in a pathetic performance. He plays a character who can convince anyone of anything all while robbing him blind.
Yet he couldn't convince me of today's lunch specials if he were waiting tables. Did he even try????
I think the greatest con is getting people to watch this drivel.
The movie is lifeless. Dull. Boring. Zero suspense. Zero drama. Just a sad tale with a fittingly drab conclusion.
I can't believe I have to use so many charcharacters to actually post this. I guess I will reiterate what a pathetic acting job James Norton did in a poorly written drab bullocks of a movie.
Candy (2022)
Call me guilty bc I really liked this series
I didn't take the time to Google the "true story" this was based upon, but the writing and the casting of this fictionalized version made this story feel authentic throughout.
Special kudos to Jessica Biel. My favorite project of hers prior to this series was the movie Stealth but - pardon the pun - she killed this role.
Maybe you want to hate her character. Maybe you want to love her character. Maybe both. But you felt something.
Kudos also to the writers, producers, etc. Five episodes was the perfect length for this story. Four would have been rushed. Six or more would have just dragged it out. It would have felt forced and too many limited series fall into that trap. I couldn't have stayed invested in eight episodes of this series.
As always, your experience may vary, but I thought it was great. I'm glad I watched it and even when I like a series/movie I don't often don't feel that way.
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)
Have you read it?
It appears as though everyone who has read the book loves this movie and everyone else finds it pretty meh.
There are just too many gaps to say this is a good movie if you haven't read the book to fill in those gaps.
It's a good story but it would have been better/more compelling if turned into a limited series on one of the streaming services.
Build this story across four to six episodes, maybe eight and I might have really liked it.
Choosing to make this into a movie was a mistake. The end product is definitely not a thriller, not much of a mystery and is very flat on the drama.
Catherine a.k.a. Marsh Girl is a great character. She's unique, complex and fascinating. Or she should be but she was oversimplified for the sake of time.
White Elephant (2022)
And the Oscar for Worst Actor goes to Bruce Willis
This could have been a decent movie but it's like someone dared Bruce Willis to do the worst job he could. I've always been a fan of his but it looks like he put some effort into sucking.
Beyond that, it's a remake/knockoff of a movie you've watched a hundred times with different titles, different cast, etc
The rest of the cast is fine and the story is okay.
It's not the worst movie I've watched on a Friday night.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Brutal. Worst Star Wars project ever
Disney just killed Star Wars.
The writing is awful and the plot is littered with holes nobody is strong enough in the Force to fix.
First, through the first three episodes the show should really be called "Leia" bc it's about her and Obi-Wan is just along for the ride.
If you make it to episode 4 (good for you) the Third Sister claims she let them escape because she put a tracker on the ship.
The only ship she could have possibly put a tracker on isn't used for the escape. It's still sitting in the landing bay. The ship they escape in wasn't there.
It came in just for the rescue. It blasted some stormtroopers, paused just long enough for Ben and Leia to get in and then took off.
So the rest of the show is based on an impossible premise with holes bigger than a womp rat.
No, wait. Bigger than the Death Star or Super Star Destroyer.
I'm out.
Murderville (2022)
So bad yet so brilliant
It's a ridiculous premise so don't expect anything that isn't ridiculous.
If you've ever liked any of Arnett's previous characters like GOB from Arrested Development, this just pushes it even further.
The show is dumb. But I haven't laughed this much at any show in many years. I wish there were more episodes.
#FollowFriday (2016)
#dontwatchthiscockamamiegarbage
The only good thing about this movie is when the main character using the word cockamamie.
It made me think of. Clint Eastwood in "In the Line of Fire" when he says "cockamamie. That's a word your generation hasn't embraced yet."
That was a good movie. John Malkovich was great.
I should have watched that movie instead.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
Funny as...
Even if you aren't into the whole comic book stuff, this film has enough laughs to make this worth your while.
It's worth watching just for the scenes Join Cena steals.
Black Bear (2020)
Do they ever stop bitching?
The first 20 minutes were nothing more than a bunch of passive aggressive bickering between a husband and wife. Mix in Aubrey Plaza saying some stupid stuff and later contradicting herself. The husband throws a self-righteous hissy fit. The wife goes nuts. An awful lot of screaming and I hated all three of them.
It wasn't worth sitting through any more arguing and screaming to see if there would ever be a point to the story.
True Detective (2014)
Coulda been better
Seasons one and two had me giving this show an 8 or 9. But season three just sucked. I kept thinking it would get better based on the first two seasons or I would have never finished the awful season. But I did and I wish I hadn't bothered.
Sahara (2005)
I... don't... know
This movie might be a travesty. It might also be brilliance.
If you expect one, you will probably find the opposite.
Barely Lethal (2015)
It's meh but fun and you've sat through worse.
Stick every movie cliche from every genre in a blender and see what comes out. It's not gonna spit out a masterpiece, but they won't all be trainwrecks.
This one is okay. Better than okay for most younger audiences. Don't take yourself or this movie so serious. Lighten up and have some popcorn.
Together Together (2021)
Uncomfortable and 0% funny
The movie isn't even a little bit funny so labeling it a comedy is the only joke they had.
You start with very awkward characters and it just feels awkward and uncomfortable. Anna becomes less and less awkward. Her character develops and is likeable. Ed Helms stays just as awkward throughout. In fact he becomes increasingly annyoning and clueless throughout the film. By the end I thought he was a D.
Seven stars for Anna, minus two for Ed Helms (who I normally love as an actor) and minus two for being calles a comedy completely devoid of humor = three stars for me.
To the Wonder (2012)
A flat out disaster
This has to be the worst movie anyone in this cast has ever been in.
Why even bother to have Ben Affleck in the movie? He doesn't say anything. His character is a piece of garbage who has two fun, beautiful women fall in love with him and he constantly ignores them both or fights with them. I only kept watching in hopes that Olga would murder him in the end. That's the only thing that could have saved this movie. Sadly we didn't get that.
The Woman in the Window (2021)
Bummer
I'm normally a fan of Amy Adams. Some reviews say she's great in this movie but I felt like it's her worst performance.
The movie was lifeless. The ending was unsatisfying - not because it should have ended differently but because any ending was irrelevant since the movie game me no reason to care about any of the characters whether liking or hating them.
Compliance (2012)
The dumbest script ever
This movie is just so stupid. Everything about it is idiotic. Everything! But if you want to see Dreama's boobs, here's your chance. If that's what you're wanting, do yourself a favor and skip the rest of this cinematic travesty.
The Terminal (2004)
Awful
Easily near the top of the list of worst movies I've ever watched.
Into the Dark: The Body (2018)
The best episode of the series
I've watched up through season 2 episode 11 and for me this is definitely the best, maybe Crawlers but the rest don't live up to the level of this first one .
Minority Report (2002)
How stupid do they think we are?
This movie had a lot of potential until they destroyed every premise of the movie with a gigantic middle finger to the audience with inexplicable stupidity.
Tom Cruise has his eyes cut out because if he's spotted in public he'll be immediately apprehended. He puts his eyes in a baggie and sticks that in his pocket.
Then, he breaks into the most secure facility in the world by taking the same eyeball that would have gotten him arrested/killed anywhere in public and he's granted access to the building by retina scan.
So why cut them out in the first place. I've seen much worse movies, but I've never seen a movie destroy itself like this with lazy and pathetic writing.
Community (2009)
One of my favorite shows ever, but...
I loved the show when it first came out and I recently re-watched the entire series. I think I liked it even more the 2nd time around.
But please do yourself a favor and skip season 6. It's brilliant for the first four seasons. It starts to tail off in season 5 but it's still good.
I finished season 6 yesterday and I kinda hated myself for forcing my way through it.
Fantasy Island (2020)
My fantasy is to go back to right before the movie started and walk out
I thought it would be dumb/campy but entertaining. It was egregiously stupid with one single line of comedy and zero entertainment. Joke's on me though since I sat through this disaster.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
As bad as it gets
Slow. Boring. Stupid. No payoff. At least 2 people in the theater were snoring. They were the lucky ones.