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hanneloreprinsen
Reviews
Damsel (2024)
Very little redeeming qualities
This movie is so stupid it hurts. Logic is nowhere to be found. The dialogue is awfully written, and I'm sorry but I do not think Millie saved this at all. I find her acting obnoxious, and same goes for every other actor involved, minus the voice of the dragon. Every few minutes dumb decisions are being made, yet we are led to believe Elodie is "smart". She leaves behind valuable resources, constantly screams, doesn't know how to bandage properly, and only decides to get her hair out of the way in the last 10 minutes. By cutting it. Because apparently buns aren't a thing. Not that you should want to save your long locks at all cost but... Making a bun is a whole lot easier than cutting your hair with a sword. The only thing I liked in this movie is the betrayal of her new husband throwing her into the pit. That carried some emotion, despite the execution being lackluster. It would have been even better had the royal family not explained exactly what was about to happen word for word. Overall, I would skip this movie.
Love on the Spectrum (2019)
Embarrassing
I am on the spectrum. There are times where I wonder whether I'll ever be able to have a stable relationship because of some of the hardships I face, and at those times, I've tried to watch this show in hopes to connect to others on the spectrum. But I can't.
It's not the contestants that are the problem to me, not at all. They seem sweet, and although often a little more on the low-functioning end of the spectrum (from the episodes I've seen, I haven't seen the whole series) I recognise some of their problems. But the editing... It is SO INFANTILISING. The music sounds like it belongs on a Kindergarten tv. And what is with the whole "she likes this, and dislikes this"? These are ADULTS. Not little kids. Yes, they have a developmental disorder and need certain aids and a different approach than most adults, but that doesn't make them children. And even more sad are the good reviews on this show, of which many talk about how adorable the contestants are. Maybe I'm missing something, but every time I watch this show, I feel worse about being autistic than I did before.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
A movie that wants to be smart
2 hours of buildup to an explanation about as believable as your average conspiracy theory. Only to cut off before anything actually goes down. This movie has nothing going for it. No plot, no characters, no cinematography. It's like watching a slow-motion action shot of a sloth come down from his tree to take a sh**, only for him to decide he doesn't really have to go that badly and climb up his tree again.
"the ending is open to make you think" About what? About how a hundred deer will show up in my garden to tell me my government is going to be overthrown? The ending isn't open because you need to sit back with a cigar and philosophize on it. It's open because the entire movie is a plothole, and to close a hole you would need matter, something this movie can't seem to deliver.
I want my 2.5 hours back.
M3GAN (2022)
So Ridiculously Stupid
Seriously. You're telling me this chick was able to spend, what, 100 000 dollars of company money on an unauthorised project, undetected? Fire the accountant, or well accountants, for a company that size. You're telling me there is literally 3 people behind their top selling product? What on earth is everyone else in the building doing? They barely sell anything else. Also, Gemma needs to redesign the Purrpetual Petz so they can sell it cheaper. So what do we see her doing? Choosing between two types of face. Ah yes, that will make the difference. But of course she never finishes this, because her theory is: we must create something that is so advanced the competition can't copy us. Okay. So add a new feature? Improve the technology? No no, she creates a doll that will sell for over 10 000 dollars. Her argument? A toy like this will make all other toys irrelevant. Such a great marketing strategy for a company. I'm not even in marketing and I can tell this is doomed to fail. But enough about company stupidity, let's move on to the more advanced stuff.
M3gan works on an A. I. machine learning type of technology. We assume that what is currently being researched - a system that can teach itself - is what Gemma managed to invent here. She installs no safety protocol. No kill switch. She builds the thing out of titanium. She makes it stronger than your favourite bodybuilder. Mind you, this is a kid's toy. She runs no tests. And then... She leaves it alone with her dead sister's kid, unsupervised, for long periods of time. She then uses the kid for the ad campaigns, remember, the kid that just lost her parents like a week ago?
And then when M3gan finally does turn killing machine, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Kill the dog? Sure. It attacked them. Kill the neighbour? Okay, she was annoying, but not a threat, so not too logical there. Then it just becomes one giant mess. She had no reason at all, no good motive, to kill David. What even as her goal at this point? To get back to Cady? To ensure her own survival? We don't know, but she murders and there's blood and that's what we wanna see, right?
Now let's talk about how she hacks all the systems. Should she be able to tap into wireless tech? Yeah. Should she be able to tap into any and all tech? No. No amount of learning can make a doll operate systems that work via cable by walking by. But hey, it's fiction, it's not real, okay.
Skip to where Gemma and M3gan are fighting. Gemma somehow manages to mess her up by... throwing a glass of water on her. Ah yes, because what we absolutely want from our 10 000 dollar toy is that it breaks when it touches water. She builds the thing out of titanium, but doesn't waterproof it. Okay.
I could go on and on and name everything stupid about this movie, but then I'd be here all day. Just a note to people writing scripts for movies about A. I. and technology: talk to people who work in that field. Don't just guess. You look stupid. And instead of trying to make the story progress no matter what, ask yourself if what you're writing makes sense. It prevents producing movies that never got any more drafts than the first one.
Extra points because M3gan looks kinda cool.
Outer Banks (2020)
Make it stop, I beg you
Season 1 was fun, some tension, some action. But there is no pay off. Not in season 1. Not in season 2. Not in season 3. It is all tension, and no release. A never-ending cycle. And the bad guys. Always. Win. They get away with theft, murder, violence. While the heroes lose everything they have. And every season they try to give us hope by revealing yet another, bigger treasure, until the utter size of it becomes completely ridiculous.
The gold from the Merchant at least sounded somewhat believable. It was a good story. Then the cross... I guess it was fine. Unnecessary, but fine. But El Dorado? Come on.
Also, why is everyone simping over JJ. He's an idiot. Like, an actual idiot. His awful youth is no longer an excuse at this point, he's just stupid, and he doesn't mind putting his friends in danger to prove it.
I am so frustrated at this point that I'm considering writing my own ending to season 1 and forgetting anything else after that ever happened. Here, let's give it a go: they get the gold back, and officially claim ownership so no one can ever take it from them again. Ward is charged for murder. Rafe gets sent off to some mental institution. The money builds something beautiful that makes life better for all Pogues. The feud settles down to a light-hearted loyalty that only comes up during party games. Voilà.
Not that hard.
Matilda: The Musical (2022)
Awful
I am so disappointed. I love the book, and had big hopes for this.
The songs are horrendous, not well-written or catchy, they drag on way too long and they always come at the wrong moment.
Every aspect of the writing is dreadful. They butchered the story, the pacing is completely off, and the characters are unbelievable at best and downright insulting if I'm being honest. Miss Honey is not kind, forgiving and happy with what she has, she is a pushover. There is no stregth there at all. Only when Mathilda gets things going does she dare say no. Same goes for the children. They're revolting, really? You mean after the Trunchbull has been defeated and they've already won?
Even Matilda is insufferable. Instead of taking us on the journey of Matilda discovering the joy of reading and learning on her own out of boredom, we just get it thrown at our face repeatedly that she is incredibly smart. They have left out her seeking excitement in learning, her access to knowledge being repeatedly blocked by both her parents and the Trunchbull. Instead they have skipped straight to the revenge, which is ultimately what it is. It's no longer Matilda feeling sympathy for Miss Honey, or the buildup of boredom due to being denied the subjects she wants to learn leading to the outburst. It's just anger.
The only good I can say about this is the choice in casting for everyone except Matilda, and the lively cinematogrophy. The actors were great, but clearly given the wrong directions.
Not a good lesson for kids. Not enjoyable for adults.
Get Out (2017)
Falls apart in the end
I feel like there is this recurring problem with Peele's movies. I saw it with Us and I see it here too. Peele always manages to balance right on the edge of a masterpiece. The way he directs the cast really brings out some of the best performances I've seen. The shots are all beautiful and create emotion and tension exactly where they are supposed to.
Where all of his films fall apart, is in the third act. If only he'd just leave the mystery and not over-explain the plot. Not only does it take away from the tension when everything is explained, it also brings all of the plotholes to the surface. The idea behind it is just never well executed. There are major logical errors.
The biggest problem I have with this plot is the brain operation. They explain it as they bring the brain of one person into the head of another, but keep a small piece of the host brain to stay connected to the nervous system. This then means that the original owner of the body is living as an audience member of his own life. The flash from a camera apparently somehow lets the host gain full control of the body for a short time. This does not make any sense whatsoever. I'm not a neurosurgeon, but even I know that's not how brains work. You can't remove 90% of a brain and still have someone regain full awareness. It would have worked so much better if it had just been the hypnosis. Triggering an extreme form of psychosis, for whatever purpose. Maybe even actually gardening or cooking. Then yes, maybe I could believe that a sudden flash might snap them out of it for a bit. Maybe.
Us had such similar problems. Easily fixed, just dumb. It breaks my heart because otherwise these films would be fantastic. And even with this fatal flaw I still enjoy these films because of how creepy they are, because of the smart shots and the amazing actors.
Enola Holmes 2 (2022)
Nice family film
When I read the intro I was sure I was going to hate this film, but it was actually quite entertaining. I wouldn't call it a masterpiece in the slightest, but it was fun, and sometimes that's all you need. The story is nothing too special, but the buildup to the conclusion was nicely executed in my opinion. I like Millie as Enola as well, you can tell she is enjoying herself and that adds to the character. I'd say it is perfect for a family evening.
Apparently, this review is too short, so enjoy this extra bit of worthless space filling nonsense I had to come up with until IMBD was satisfied.
Tall Girl 2 (2022)
I wonder if this movie has even one redeemable trait
I... From the concept to the acting to the characters, the writing... It's horrible through and through. Dunk is literally a terrible person and so is Jodi. Everyone in this movie is, to be honest.
Black Mirror (2011)
Overrated by a mile
I hate this show. Episodes have been recommended to me by ethics teachers, friends, family and the entire internet. Knowing every epsiode is different I've given each one a chance.
From Nosedive, to Ashley Too, to Shut Up and Dance, I've hated every single one. They are boring, predictable, drag on forever, pretentious, and the philosophical ideas presented are so basic you could show them to a bunch of preschoolers and they'd understand perfectly well. Most epsiodes come with a "twist" that you see coming from a mile away and is presented as way more dramatic than it really is.
I seriously cannot understand the hype over this. If anyone recommends this to me, I can't take any other recommendations they might have seriously ever again.
Horse Girl (2020)
Huge disappointment
This movie was just a huge disappointment. I'll try to look past the fact that I was sold a scifi about lucid dreams mixing with reality (it's not, what Sarah experiences is called VIVID dreams, not lucid dreams. Lucid dreams means you are conscious and aware you are dreaming. What Sarah experiences is pretty much the opposite), which would have been an amazing concept.
Telling a story about a woman losing touch with reality and taking the viewer with her is a great idea. But this was not the right medium. Movies skip ahead all the time, there is no way for us to tell when something is an artistic choice and when something is happening in Sarahs reality. In real life we don't expect cuts, and we won't remember what happened in between, but in movies things happen off-screen all the time. At times we can't tell whether Sarah experiences the same time jump we do, or if it is an ordinary cut. This type of thing happens all the time. She dreams about the man, then sees him in real life. But if we were experiencing what she was going through, we would first see the man, and then be convinced we'd seen him before, so it should have been a flashback. These things make the movie nearly incomprehensible.
The ending makes no sense whether it was all real, or whether it is in her head. It's just a lazy attempt at creating a full circle which is a technique that works well in some cases but should not be abused like this.
Just because a movie is made about a delicate topic like mental illness, doesn't mean it's good.
Things Heard & Seen (2021)
Just... bad
It's as if these screenwriters don't know how to tell a story, and therefore rely on every single horror trope in existence. Flickering lights, ghost in the background, etc etc. Tropes can be great when used correctly, but it's just one after another with nothing original in between. The writing is horrendous. It feels like for the party scene the writers just went 'What do people normally talk about at housewarming parties?' and then just put all that in whether it's appropriate or not. At one point this guy says 'Oh, yeah. I started wearing glasses when I was around 7 (or some other age idc). I really like what you've done with the place' or something like that. None of it makes sense. The story isn't powerful enough to make this movie worth it, either. And don't expect to care about these characters, they're bland as distilled water. Fyi, just because a character has an ED, doesn't make them interesting. Eating disorders are not a quick fix for boring characters. Do Better.