I had a great time watching this. It's utterly charming. Never gets boring at any point. It's gently comedic, but I have to say I laughed out loud at many parts. The acting is spot-on for a feature of this kind. Now, when I say "of this kind" I'm not even really sure what I'm supposed to be comparing it to. Most things I could suggest, such as higher end Troma would be doing it a dis-respect. It's a very clever and ultimately "warm" movie that proves very endearing and memorable once the credits have rolled. I rated this based purely on how much I enjoyed my time with it, and it's a movie that I will definitely watch again.
Reviews
21 Reviews
Fanboys
(2009)
Fails as a comedy and as a drama
10 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Most of my time spent watching this was spent considering whether to continue watching or switch it off and watch something good instead. I decided to stick with it till the end, but the only reason for this was stubbornness and tenacity. The movie is utterly worthless and of no merit whatsoever, even to the most rabid fanboy.
Without doubt this is the worst piece of dross I have viewed all year. Horribly contrived and forced "humour" that resulted in perhaps three smiles and absolutely no laughs. It was a pretty painful experience, and not one I would recommend.
If you are thinking about watching it, even if you are a huge Star Wars fan, just do yourself a favour and watch Episode 1 again instead. Episode 1 was pretty bad, but this is a real stinker.
It's no wonder at all that the studio sat on it for so long. Any rational person viewing it would immediately be aware that there is nothing at all of merit in this waste of celluloid.
It's difficult to place the blame anywhere in particular, as the product fails on every level. God alone knows what they were trying to achieve, but the whole thing is utterly insipid from the ground up. To think I was actually looking forward to watching this...wow.
Without doubt this is the worst piece of dross I have viewed all year. Horribly contrived and forced "humour" that resulted in perhaps three smiles and absolutely no laughs. It was a pretty painful experience, and not one I would recommend.
If you are thinking about watching it, even if you are a huge Star Wars fan, just do yourself a favour and watch Episode 1 again instead. Episode 1 was pretty bad, but this is a real stinker.
It's no wonder at all that the studio sat on it for so long. Any rational person viewing it would immediately be aware that there is nothing at all of merit in this waste of celluloid.
It's difficult to place the blame anywhere in particular, as the product fails on every level. God alone knows what they were trying to achieve, but the whole thing is utterly insipid from the ground up. To think I was actually looking forward to watching this...wow.
Baghead
(2008)
Thanks. I loved it.
10 February 2009
Warning: Spoilers
It was not the movie I was expecting, but I certainly was not disappointed in any way because of that. I was expecting a "slasher" film, but I'm glad that this wasn't one after all that.
Immediately preceding this I watched "Final Exam" which is one of the lamest "slasher" films I've ever seen. At that point I was after more of the same, but maybe a little better (since what could be worse!?).
Brilliant acting, script and editing on this little film. Probably people who get to see it will number in the thousands, and counting myself among them, those are lucky people.
There is so much information of value in the film. It communicates vividly to the viewer on issues of friendships and relationships and film making and the subtlety's of interaction...that I still can't really do it justice in a little IMDb review.
I only ever review movies that blow me away or pi** me off. I can even see merit in both of those extremes. This pretty much blew me away.
No way am I expecting to convince anyone to watch this. Really I just hope that the people who made and participated in it see my effort to try and thank them for making such a beautiful thing. I think you guys deserve some recognition and hope you go on to make even better stuff than "Baghead" (but you have your work cut out!).
Awesome film. Srsly...you guys. You have great things ahead of you if you don't entirely disconnect from the roots that sprouted the mighty tree of "Baghead".
Immediately preceding this I watched "Final Exam" which is one of the lamest "slasher" films I've ever seen. At that point I was after more of the same, but maybe a little better (since what could be worse!?).
Brilliant acting, script and editing on this little film. Probably people who get to see it will number in the thousands, and counting myself among them, those are lucky people.
There is so much information of value in the film. It communicates vividly to the viewer on issues of friendships and relationships and film making and the subtlety's of interaction...that I still can't really do it justice in a little IMDb review.
I only ever review movies that blow me away or pi** me off. I can even see merit in both of those extremes. This pretty much blew me away.
No way am I expecting to convince anyone to watch this. Really I just hope that the people who made and participated in it see my effort to try and thank them for making such a beautiful thing. I think you guys deserve some recognition and hope you go on to make even better stuff than "Baghead" (but you have your work cut out!).
Awesome film. Srsly...you guys. You have great things ahead of you if you don't entirely disconnect from the roots that sprouted the mighty tree of "Baghead".
Dark Floors
(2008)
A Generous 4/10
12 July 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I'm not sure quite why I clicked "contains spoiler", because quite honestly there is not enough explanation ever given in the movie to know enough of what is supposed to be going on to spoil it.
Visually it mostly delivers. Well, apart from some 80's throwback rubber-mask monsters. I'll say now that before watching this I had never seen the band Lordi, nor knew anything about them bar that they won Eurovision. Apparently the monsters in this are members of the band, pretty much in their stage personas. Whatever. Anyway, I didn't know this while watching. I just thought the monsters/demons were mostly passable. Just about.
I'm almost sure there is a semi-coherent explanation behind what we see on-screen, but it may actually be better not to know it. It probably would actually have been incredibly lame come to think on it. The action keeps it rolling along pretty much well enough to keep the viewer mostly entertained, even if half the entertainment factor is joking about wtf is supposed to be happening in this movie exactly.
I gave it a four mainly because I got a good laugh out of it, especially out of how it explains pretty much nothing. Must have been the mood I was in, but I found that hella funny for some reason. Then I look up the movie on the internet and find out that NOBODY knows what the hell it's supposed to be about. That amused me further, and raised my score an extra half point to a 4/10.
It's not scary, or particularly coherent, but it's pretty nice visually and sonically. Overall, far from essential, but watchable. Don't expect too much and don't expect it to make any sense and it might entertain you if you are in the right mood.
Visually it mostly delivers. Well, apart from some 80's throwback rubber-mask monsters. I'll say now that before watching this I had never seen the band Lordi, nor knew anything about them bar that they won Eurovision. Apparently the monsters in this are members of the band, pretty much in their stage personas. Whatever. Anyway, I didn't know this while watching. I just thought the monsters/demons were mostly passable. Just about.
I'm almost sure there is a semi-coherent explanation behind what we see on-screen, but it may actually be better not to know it. It probably would actually have been incredibly lame come to think on it. The action keeps it rolling along pretty much well enough to keep the viewer mostly entertained, even if half the entertainment factor is joking about wtf is supposed to be happening in this movie exactly.
I gave it a four mainly because I got a good laugh out of it, especially out of how it explains pretty much nothing. Must have been the mood I was in, but I found that hella funny for some reason. Then I look up the movie on the internet and find out that NOBODY knows what the hell it's supposed to be about. That amused me further, and raised my score an extra half point to a 4/10.
It's not scary, or particularly coherent, but it's pretty nice visually and sonically. Overall, far from essential, but watchable. Don't expect too much and don't expect it to make any sense and it might entertain you if you are in the right mood.
Sleepaway Camp
(1983)
One of the Best Classic Slashers
6 May 2008
Warning: Spoilers
**Nothing I'd call an outright in your face spoiler in this top section, but better safe than sorry**
I happen to like all the Sleepaway Camp movies, but this is the only one that's played straight. *ahem* Anyway, it's one of the best slasher movies ever made. For fans of the genre, it hit's on every point. Gore, check. Nudity, needs more, except for that one scene. *ahem* Teenagers at a summercamp, yeah! It even goes further than that and the actors, even the youngest ones seem to manage to bring a believability to their characters that pulls you in as a voyeur to the whole environment.
It's the camera on the killers shoulder thing that often gets slasher fans buzzing. In this case it feels like more of a freeform journey that kind of takes you all around the place. Sure, mostly the camera is focused around Angela but you get enough time spying on the rest of the cast to get a real feel for them and the camp. No mean feat in a film of this genre.
The ending is just such a classy twist. Don't read any spoilers or fan-pages before you see the movie, because they really will probably spoil it. Do pay attention at the end! I almost missed what was going on, but I rewound the scene and...well, time for you to go watch it before you read anymore.
******SPOILERS*******SPOILERS*************SPOILERS********SPOILERS
Nah, I can't bring myself to post it. If you're anything like me and you're one of those people who don't want to know, but just can't seem to control their eyes darting down for the briefest of glances. See, you just read this part after glancing! Now go watch the movie before you read any more of these comments with spoiler tags!
I happen to like all the Sleepaway Camp movies, but this is the only one that's played straight. *ahem* Anyway, it's one of the best slasher movies ever made. For fans of the genre, it hit's on every point. Gore, check. Nudity, needs more, except for that one scene. *ahem* Teenagers at a summercamp, yeah! It even goes further than that and the actors, even the youngest ones seem to manage to bring a believability to their characters that pulls you in as a voyeur to the whole environment.
It's the camera on the killers shoulder thing that often gets slasher fans buzzing. In this case it feels like more of a freeform journey that kind of takes you all around the place. Sure, mostly the camera is focused around Angela but you get enough time spying on the rest of the cast to get a real feel for them and the camp. No mean feat in a film of this genre.
The ending is just such a classy twist. Don't read any spoilers or fan-pages before you see the movie, because they really will probably spoil it. Do pay attention at the end! I almost missed what was going on, but I rewound the scene and...well, time for you to go watch it before you read anymore.
******SPOILERS*******SPOILERS*************SPOILERS********SPOILERS
Nah, I can't bring myself to post it. If you're anything like me and you're one of those people who don't want to know, but just can't seem to control their eyes darting down for the briefest of glances. See, you just read this part after glancing! Now go watch the movie before you read any more of these comments with spoiler tags!
Triloquist
(2008)
Lightweight Entertaining Horror Comedy
22 April 2008
Pretty much from the start it's clear where this movie is coming from and what you should expect from it. If you are looking for an even vaguely serious, linear movie that tells a story that all hangs together and makes sense then you better look elsewhere. This is straight up silly escapism and fun, and I enjoyed pretty much every minute. I thought all the parts were well cast, especially the brother who looks perfect with his sealed lip expression. The female lead does a good job, though unfortunately we don't get to see her sans clothes. There's a good smattering of silicone free nudity however, so the director clearly knows what people who watch this kind of stuff want. The script was decent, and most of the lines that were meant to pull a laugh worked for me. Some really funny set-pieces too, one in particular out the back of the strip club near the start was insanely funny, but I'm not going to spoil it for you. If you've seen the movie then you'll know the scene. You have to pretty much totally suspend disbelief to enjoy this film, as quite frankly it doesn't really make much sense or try to explain itself at all. It's just a trippy ride with some boobs and crude jokes, but hey, I can dig that. The plot, what of it there is, seems pretty much to be a vehicle to carry the crazy ideas of the writer, and he sure has plenty of crazy ideas. I liked this movie a lot, but it's only worth a 7, because it could have been better and there were a few times that it didn't quite hold it together. Still very good for those of you who like trash cheesy "horror" comedy. Would have been better with some gore as well. Forgot to mention, it's pretty minimal on that front.
Blood Car
(2007)
Great Indie Movie
16 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
It's not really graphic or scary in any traditional horror sense, but it is absolutely brilliant. You do have to have a quite highly developed sense of humour to appreciate a lot of it though. If you like, say...South Park and enthusiastically made low-budget (not necessarily entirely)horror, then you will probably get a kick out of this.
If you liked this then check out Ankle Biters, The Janitor, Buttcrack and Gory Gory Hallelujah for starters. There's a treasure trove of great low budget independent gems out there just waiting for the right person (someone who appreciates them) to discover them.
Blood Car is one of the best I've ever seen though, and it's not one of the "so bad it's good" style (which are a related, but subtly different taste). The script and acting and all out balls in your face take it to a higher plane than nearly every one of this "type" of films I've seen. It may even be THE BEST etc! Someone mentioned Uwe Boll in another comment, and I do kind of feel sorry for Uwe after seeing this. I have doubts bigger than aircraft carriers that Postal is going to be anywhere near as irreverent, controversial, outrageous and over-the-top funny as this little indie gem.
I'm also loving the comments from people complaining or saying that they marked it down due to whatever their little personal boundary was that the movie breached, ...
********** SPOILERS FOLLOW! ***************** SPOILERS FOLLOW! ************** SPOILERS FOLLOW! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET THEN DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND GO WATCH IT AND LET IT SURPRISE YOU BEORE READING ON. SRSLY.********** SRSLY.
...be it shooting puppies repeatedly with a bb gun (comedy GOLD!) or summary execution of a school full of kids (sheer unadulterated GENIUS), or some were just offended by the baby thing at the end (I lol'd).
If you liked this then check out Ankle Biters, The Janitor, Buttcrack and Gory Gory Hallelujah for starters. There's a treasure trove of great low budget independent gems out there just waiting for the right person (someone who appreciates them) to discover them.
Blood Car is one of the best I've ever seen though, and it's not one of the "so bad it's good" style (which are a related, but subtly different taste). The script and acting and all out balls in your face take it to a higher plane than nearly every one of this "type" of films I've seen. It may even be THE BEST etc! Someone mentioned Uwe Boll in another comment, and I do kind of feel sorry for Uwe after seeing this. I have doubts bigger than aircraft carriers that Postal is going to be anywhere near as irreverent, controversial, outrageous and over-the-top funny as this little indie gem.
I'm also loving the comments from people complaining or saying that they marked it down due to whatever their little personal boundary was that the movie breached, ...
********** SPOILERS FOLLOW! ***************** SPOILERS FOLLOW! ************** SPOILERS FOLLOW! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET THEN DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND GO WATCH IT AND LET IT SURPRISE YOU BEORE READING ON. SRSLY.********** SRSLY.
...be it shooting puppies repeatedly with a bb gun (comedy GOLD!) or summary execution of a school full of kids (sheer unadulterated GENIUS), or some were just offended by the baby thing at the end (I lol'd).
Buttcrack
(1998)
Only put spoiler tag as some folks don't have a sense of humour. Great Little Movie!
16 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I agree with Jack The Ripper 1888. This really is a great little movie. If you don't like really cheap, silly movies then stay away. How anyone could watch a movie called Buttcrack, and expect it to be serious or scary is totally beyond me.
I've watched a lot of Troma, and a lot of other indie "horror" and horror/comedy. Most of it doesn't have half the energy and wit of this. Of course most of it's downright retarded. It's supposed to be. A few people got together and decided to have a good time making a movie. That movie happened to be entertaining because known to themselves at the time or not, they actually had some talent for making movies.
Some of it they obviously got lucky, but I think it was their genuine enthusiasm and enjoyment of what they were doing that carried over in nearly every scene. The cast just let loose and bust out some damn funny performances because you can tell they were relaxed and working in a fun environment.
The story is dumb, but probably based on a real person/experience I bet. The script or improv is blessed with the infectious spirit of being high and getting the joke of life.
If you take the movie for what it is, and not bring high expectations, or any expectations then you might be one of the lucky ones who gets this kind of movie. You're probably an awesome person, at least now and again, and you can join me in laughing at the poor folk who can't enjoy such beautifully simple pleasures as having a laugh at yourself, the world and at your friends sweaty buttcrack coming between you and your girl.
Read that last part again and tell me how that can fail the funny test?
I've watched a lot of Troma, and a lot of other indie "horror" and horror/comedy. Most of it doesn't have half the energy and wit of this. Of course most of it's downright retarded. It's supposed to be. A few people got together and decided to have a good time making a movie. That movie happened to be entertaining because known to themselves at the time or not, they actually had some talent for making movies.
Some of it they obviously got lucky, but I think it was their genuine enthusiasm and enjoyment of what they were doing that carried over in nearly every scene. The cast just let loose and bust out some damn funny performances because you can tell they were relaxed and working in a fun environment.
The story is dumb, but probably based on a real person/experience I bet. The script or improv is blessed with the infectious spirit of being high and getting the joke of life.
If you take the movie for what it is, and not bring high expectations, or any expectations then you might be one of the lucky ones who gets this kind of movie. You're probably an awesome person, at least now and again, and you can join me in laughing at the poor folk who can't enjoy such beautifully simple pleasures as having a laugh at yourself, the world and at your friends sweaty buttcrack coming between you and your girl.
Read that last part again and tell me how that can fail the funny test?
The Cook
(I) (2008)
A Watchable Above Average Horror Comedy
14 April 2008
I was a bit worried for the first fifteen minutes or so that The Cook wasn't going to deliver. Some of the dialogue at the start is a bit clunky and when I first saw the guy playing the cook I was concerned that he wasn't going to be able to pull it off.
As the movie progressed I was very happy to be proved wrong on all fronts and ended up having an awesome time watching this little horror comedy masterpiece. What can I say, I loved it and I'm looking forward to a sequel.
If you're hoping to be able to take much of the movie seriously then you're watching the wrong film. This is played strictly for laughs and tongue in cheek at more or less every step. A lot of the humour is very dark, but somehow handled with a light touch.
After the slightly shaky start, and once you accept the film for the cheesy fun-fest that it is you can enjoy it's off-the-wall handling and flavour. By the end I had come to think that the team that put it together had an inspired handling and quite a bit of originality going for them.
It's not a big budget film, and it's a little shaky at the start, but as a fan of low-budget horror, 80's horror and horror comedy I recommend this film to those of similar tastes.
As the movie progressed I was very happy to be proved wrong on all fronts and ended up having an awesome time watching this little horror comedy masterpiece. What can I say, I loved it and I'm looking forward to a sequel.
If you're hoping to be able to take much of the movie seriously then you're watching the wrong film. This is played strictly for laughs and tongue in cheek at more or less every step. A lot of the humour is very dark, but somehow handled with a light touch.
After the slightly shaky start, and once you accept the film for the cheesy fun-fest that it is you can enjoy it's off-the-wall handling and flavour. By the end I had come to think that the team that put it together had an inspired handling and quite a bit of originality going for them.
It's not a big budget film, and it's a little shaky at the start, but as a fan of low-budget horror, 80's horror and horror comedy I recommend this film to those of similar tastes.
Mummy Maniac
(2007 Video)
Aw hell no...
2 March 2008
I'm not a person who worries too much about production values, or even plot or acting when it comes to low budget films. I mean, Uwe Boll can be pretty good now and then. I loved Bloodrayne one and two and looking forward to Postal.
This is a whole other thing entirely. My absolute number one worst movie I've ever seen. This honour was previously held by Snapped http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0432354/ which in retrospect while unbearably overlong, tedious pretentious and silly had one or two moments where I almost laughed when I cringed. The lesbian "beating up" the guy who owed her money was almost worth more than utter disbelief. Still not worth watching the film for, so don't subject yourself to that either.
I love a good no-budget film, like Ankle Biters, Splatter Beach or The Janitor. This though is so below any other standard as to deserve it's own genre. It's almost un-watchably excruciating. No redeeming features AT ALL! I could not believe what I was watching.
This is a whole other thing entirely. My absolute number one worst movie I've ever seen. This honour was previously held by Snapped http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0432354/ which in retrospect while unbearably overlong, tedious pretentious and silly had one or two moments where I almost laughed when I cringed. The lesbian "beating up" the guy who owed her money was almost worth more than utter disbelief. Still not worth watching the film for, so don't subject yourself to that either.
I love a good no-budget film, like Ankle Biters, Splatter Beach or The Janitor. This though is so below any other standard as to deserve it's own genre. It's almost un-watchably excruciating. No redeeming features AT ALL! I could not believe what I was watching.
Satan's Playground
(2006)
pos
12 March 2007
*Shakes head*... Why did I sit through it? I knew after the first five minutes that it was going to be utter tripe.
I'm a fan of a lot of low budget horror but this really had no redeeming features. I sincerely hope that this is the last we see of this awful man and his total lack of talent. He should not be allowed to make movies.
The acting wasn't the worst of it, not by a long shot. The script and direction is where it really falls apart. You will be continually shaking your head in disbelief at the shoddy and stupid turns that the plot takes.
And it's not even funny. It's not even "so bad it's good". You may well want to kill yourself for sitting through it. It actually made me feel slightly physically ill. It's really that bad.
Do not watch. If you feel you have to, see how you like the first five minutes. You didn't? Well, switch off and save yourself some time. Wish I had.
I'm a fan of a lot of low budget horror but this really had no redeeming features. I sincerely hope that this is the last we see of this awful man and his total lack of talent. He should not be allowed to make movies.
The acting wasn't the worst of it, not by a long shot. The script and direction is where it really falls apart. You will be continually shaking your head in disbelief at the shoddy and stupid turns that the plot takes.
And it's not even funny. It's not even "so bad it's good". You may well want to kill yourself for sitting through it. It actually made me feel slightly physically ill. It's really that bad.
Do not watch. If you feel you have to, see how you like the first five minutes. You didn't? Well, switch off and save yourself some time. Wish I had.
Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels
(1999)
Dull, mostly.
30 December 2006
Pretty awful stuff. Even though I thought I knew I was getting into a trashy trashy movie it exceeded my expectations of badness. The worst thing about it though is that it's just dull. I was almost falling asleep a lot despite not being tired, I was up for hours after it finished! Some people will like it, but only very, very easily entertained simple-minded folks with no sense of discretion in what they watch. Hell, I like a bunch of Troma and other low budget trash like Ankle Biters and Troll 2. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this is in that class. Those movies are actually funny. The thing with this one is that it trys to be funny and manages only to mildly amuse for a second here and there.
One thing, if you are a fan of fake boobs you will probably think it's great, as there is a fair amount of attempting to wax womens tits for some reason. Well, the reason being to show plastic tits for those that like that kind of thing. I'm a naturals fan, so this movie really had nothing for me at all.
One thing, if you are a fan of fake boobs you will probably think it's great, as there is a fair amount of attempting to wax womens tits for some reason. Well, the reason being to show plastic tits for those that like that kind of thing. I'm a naturals fan, so this movie really had nothing for me at all.
The Cat Returns
(2002)
Beautiful
5 August 2006
I watched this for the fourth time today, and enjoyed it just as much, maybe more than the first. For the best experience, I recommend watching in Japanese, with subs if you need them. The original script and voice talent doesn't need the Hollywood treatment.
Such a beautiful story! I'm a cat lover, and I'm sure that helps me enjoy the movie more, but it's just great as a tale and you could apply any animal to the basic plot and get a similar result.
Every time I watch it I have a big pile of hankies nearby, as it never fails to move me. If you like the emotional feed-off you get from a nice sentimental feel-good film, you should really give this a go! Probably my favourite animated film ever.
Such a beautiful story! I'm a cat lover, and I'm sure that helps me enjoy the movie more, but it's just great as a tale and you could apply any animal to the basic plot and get a similar result.
Every time I watch it I have a big pile of hankies nearby, as it never fails to move me. If you like the emotional feed-off you get from a nice sentimental feel-good film, you should really give this a go! Probably my favourite animated film ever.
Death Tunnel
(2005)
Deserves a higher rating
4 April 2006
I don't know why so many people have gone out of their way to rate this movie a 1 and write reviews that rubbish what is actually quite an interesting viewing experience. Having read the reviews and seen the 2.9 rating I was expecting so much worse, and ended up being quite impressed by many elements of the film. The acting was largely very professional and the visuals provided some great eye-candy. It is in fact possible to piece the admittedly weak plot together if you pay attention to the film. The main attraction for me though was the highly processed visual effects and dynamic editing. It starts with a great premise; five girls in lingerie in a spooky old sanatorium. It could have been GOLD! For the first half of the film it delivers and certainly kept my interest as I tried to work out what was going on. Upon realizing the plot direction though, I had to make a conscious decision to remain engaged. For all that, I'm happy that I continued to let the movie involve me. I watch lots of low budget horror, and having watched Fear of Clowns quite recently, and The Path of Evil just before this, I have to say that Death Tunnel is a far superior effort. Decent acting, high production values and deserving of a much higher rating.
Fear of Clowns
(2004 Video)
Fear of Fear of Clowns
7 March 2006
More properly my fear of a sequel to this pretty damn dire little flick. It's the film only a mother could love, and indeed by the outpourings of the shills here it seems the film has more than a few apologists. Sorry guys, I'm sure you all love Mr Kangas, maybe even have vested interest in his career, but get a grip please. Here's a recommendation; if you liked "Snapped" you will probably like this. At times, yes it verges towards the so bad it's OK for what it is. It is however painfully overlong at that, and to be utterly frank comes off as the work of enthusiastic people reaching way, way beyond their abilities. Oh, and failing, because they don't have any real talent and they are somehow unaware of this stark fact. The guy that plays Shivers did a better job than the rest of the cast, and luckily as he was in make-up, it may not be the end of his career. The other actors were bad, and unfortunately are made to look EVEN WORSE by the awful direction. The scenes in the multiplex at the end were admittedly pretty comical for just this reason. Suspense and urgency had obviously been temporarily removed from the dictionary when those scenes were shot. All that said, I sat through it till the long awaited end. (Did I mention it was painfully drawn out?) I don't believe the director is a horror fan for a moment, but as one myself, and a fan of bad horror at that...I give it a 3.5/10 considering budget etc. There must be much more talented people out there for Lion's Gate to invest in though, so do them a favour Kevin, and go and do something you're good at. Making films is not what you were born for.
9 Songs
(2004)
Neither here nor there.
7 March 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Having watched this film three times I must conclude that while it stands as an interesting exercise in film-making, it only marginally succeeds as an attempt to make sex in film mainstream. Michael Winterbottom stated that he wanted to challenge the standard portrayal of sex on the screen, and here he develops it as a major theme in what I suppose is meant to be a film more about the people than the plot. My concern is that he did not go far enough, and remains tacitly bound to the conventions despite probing the boundaries a little. Bottom line is that I as a viewer was conscious that the director was, although in some sense a pioneer, still attempting to make a film that would get past the censors. I question how closely he stuck to his original vision. The chemistry between the leads is a bit questionable throughout which doesn't help matters. Perhaps because of this, the sex comes off as rather tame. Not even a hint of an anal scene. If it was good enough for Last Tango in Paris , why not here? At best a conservative and constricted attempt at liberating standards in mainstream cinema. Let's hope that it does open some doors.
Evil Aliens
(2005)
Funny as £@(&!
1 March 2006
Go into this expecting a low-budget hammy stomp through the horror/sci-fi field and you won't be disappointed. Some have raised objection to the comparisons with Jacksons early work, but I can't think of anything closer in spirit with which to compare. Stylisticaly different, but with the same sense of adventure and desire to make a damn fine piece of entertainment. Evil Aliens has also been compared unfavourably to Shaun of the Dead. In this case, they are very different films. Given a choice of which to watch again, I'd have to choose Evil Aliens. I laughed more, it takes itself less seriously and it's more unique. Not that the material is original, but the execution is done with such vision and belief that the directors enthusiasm becomes contagious. Some won't like it, because at points it comes off as totally b-movie cheap. Others will see this as a plus-point. I've not seen a better horror comedy in many years! Thought there is a lot of blood thrown around and some fine effects at times, it's really not about the gore. It's the humour of the script, not the production values that shine through. That aside, there's some damn fine direction in evidence that shines mainly by being inventive but unobtrusive. Not for movie snobs, but for people who know the beauty of energetic clever trash cinema.
Green Street Hooligans
(2005)
Football Factory Kicks It's Head In
29 September 2005
Plot holes galore and deus ex machina, hand of god maneuvers just to keep the "plot" afloat. Sorry, not my thing. More contrived than inspired, and thus comes off as a desperate attempt to claim credibility that it does not deserve. Everyone involved, from casting (Elija farking what? Wood), to the writer, director, producer to the tea-lady that didn't tell them they were farking-up is at fault. Football Factory was brilliant, so I have no idea why this was so bad; no idea where to lay the blame. Neither the characters nor the plot have an ounce of credibility. The fight scenes are particularly crap and badly shot. Jesus...it seems even worse in retrospect, and I thought it was crap when I watched it. Pretty much utter Shiite, with a couple of OK scenes. Don't pay to see it.
The Devil's Rejects
(2005)
Life-affirming, joyous and beautiful
17 September 2005
If you gave this movie between 8-10, you are one of the people that it was made for, and you will give praise and thanks unto the highest that it was created. You understand; you are a beautiful, highly-developed human-being, and are above the ignorant sniping of fundies, hypocrytes and idiots. It is your right, nay, your duty, to slay the blinded and retarded who can't see the poetry Mr.Zombie has wrought for us.
This cannot be compared to 1'000 Corpses, and I'm still not sure which is the better movie. One is pure colour, theatre and melodrama the later more homely, visceral and contained. Both are wonderful pieces of cinema, that can trigger emotional cascades in the right viewer. If you disagree; THESE FILMS ARE NOT MADE FOR YOU, whether you "think" you like "horror" or not. Go away and watch something that's less of a challenge, like Hellraiser - Hellworld; you deserve it. No spoilers here, just well deserved hype; watch the film and decide for yourself.
This cannot be compared to 1'000 Corpses, and I'm still not sure which is the better movie. One is pure colour, theatre and melodrama the later more homely, visceral and contained. Both are wonderful pieces of cinema, that can trigger emotional cascades in the right viewer. If you disagree; THESE FILMS ARE NOT MADE FOR YOU, whether you "think" you like "horror" or not. Go away and watch something that's less of a challenge, like Hellraiser - Hellworld; you deserve it. No spoilers here, just well deserved hype; watch the film and decide for yourself.
Hellraiser: Hellworld
(2005 Video)
Hellish!
17 September 2005
This grueling abortion follows the "buy a crappy twilight zone style script and tack pinhead into it" as hellraisers V VI, and to a much lesser extent VII. Any one of these movies could have graced the sci-fi channel with the meager cameo's of the cenobites removed with very few script-changes. None of them are integral to the world of Hellraiser, although they might feature the trappings in a kind of "Pinhead Presents" fashion.
Hellworld is in fact literally festooned with Lemarchant cubes and the like, but it's a thin veneer covering the reality of one of the worst conceived, plot-hole ridden c-movies ever made. If you are a fan of Clive Barkers creation, or even a horror fan, it is particularly draining to sit through. As such a fan, I was really looking forward to it, perhaps even had high hopes that this would be what a hellraiser movie should be, but sad to say, it's an abomination. It will tear your soul apart.
Hellworld is in fact literally festooned with Lemarchant cubes and the like, but it's a thin veneer covering the reality of one of the worst conceived, plot-hole ridden c-movies ever made. If you are a fan of Clive Barkers creation, or even a horror fan, it is particularly draining to sit through. As such a fan, I was really looking forward to it, perhaps even had high hopes that this would be what a hellraiser movie should be, but sad to say, it's an abomination. It will tear your soul apart.
Snapped
(2005 Video)
Raw Effluence
21 June 2005
Aside from two insane reviews posted here that are transparently obvious as the work of someone involved with the movie or a sick prankster, this waste of time has been universally condemned by IMDb users. I can only heap another shovel of manure upon it, as it is possibly the worst thing I've ever sat through. Not bad in a good way either, bad in a very bad way. Total trash, with NO redeeming features.
Unfortunately, it was through reading one of the two positive reviews on this board that led me to watch this in the first place. I've since signed up as a member, so I can see the weight of the balance in reviews damns this rubbish rightly to hell.
I move that the studio/prank reviews be stricken from the record so that nobody else has to sit through what I just watched on the basis of deranged lies. If you were thinking of whiling away 80mins, even if you have nothing better to do than grind pepper in your eyes, take the pepper option.
Unfortunately, it was through reading one of the two positive reviews on this board that led me to watch this in the first place. I've since signed up as a member, so I can see the weight of the balance in reviews damns this rubbish rightly to hell.
I move that the studio/prank reviews be stricken from the record so that nobody else has to sit through what I just watched on the basis of deranged lies. If you were thinking of whiling away 80mins, even if you have nothing better to do than grind pepper in your eyes, take the pepper option.
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