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Reviews
Unfrosted (2024)
I love this vastly underrated film! Bravo, Jerry Seinfeld.
As a child of the 60s, and a fan of Jerry Seinfeld comedy, I found Unfrosted irresistibly delicious! And what a cast. The last time this much comic talent appeared in one crazy movie, Jonathan Winters was tearing down a filling station. I plan to rewatch soon, because the jokes come quickly and often. The many allusions to products and events from the 60s put the viewer on a nostalgia trip like no other. Boomers buckle up. And you don't even have to have eaten sugar coated sugar flakes or pectin-filled dough squares called Pop Tarts to savor the flavor of a time in our history when our existential anxieties about nuclear war could be alleviated by fruit-like filling, toasted to mouth scorching temperatures. What a treat. Jerry's love letter to better days is a winner with this boomer.
Dream Scenario (2023)
Succeeds as an art-house cross-genre, comedy-horror
Am I alone in seeing this film as an indictment of our meme-happy culture? There's even a line in Dream Scenario that encapsulates the core theme: "All memes will become dreams."
Never underestimate the power of a meme to evoke the full spectrum of human emotions - from laughter to terror to sexual titillation. Nicholas Cage as Paul Matthews becomes the world's most famous walking, talking meme - a social media post made manifest, and violently thrown to the mercy of mob.
Matthews could be seen as a metaphor - a mirror into the dark recesses of peoples' souls, dredging up what are for the most part the blackest Jungian archetypes residing in the caverns of our reptilian brains. Cage's character becomes a dowdy, dorky Freddy Krueger, ready to serve as the least likely universal Boogie Man imaginable!
Fortunately for us in the real world, viewing memes rarely leads to psychic meltdowns; most are innocuous attempts at wit and tongue-in-cheek news reporting; and many bring us vitally needed humor to keep the nerd demon depicted in Dream Scenario at bay.
Bottom line: this film will appeal to those who find humor in some gore and cringe, and who are confident enough in their own sanity to be immune to the banal demonic charm of Nicholas Cage's meme man.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Not as bad as you'd heard...it's MUCH worse.
How Rip Torn got talked into appearing in this dreck is a mystery for the ages. Maybe he was blackmailed into it?
Tom Green easily beats Adam Sandler as the most insipid, infantile, spastic comedian on the planet. He makes vintage Jerry Lewis look like Sir Anthony Hopkins. Green's character Freddy is fixated on body parts and excretions, and not just on humans. Green massages a horse penis in the first act, and it all goes downhill from there. By the third act he's masturbating an elephant penis to climax, all over hapless Rip Torn.
Everyone in the film is debased in some way, whether sexually or physically mutilated or simply humiliated by idiot Green - and it's all set to a blaring, crappy pop music soundtrack.
There are a few funny bits, like a handicapped girl who makes a rocket-powered wheelchair and has a fetish involving her legs being flogged with a bamboo stick.
But these moments of cleverness are few and far between the onslaught of compound fractures, baby flinging, umbilical cord eating, toilet diving, deer gutting, running over Pakistanis in a semi-truck and pedophilia and blowjob jokes.
It isn't enough to just be surreal to be classically funny; you need some intelligence and good taste, both of which are utterly absent in this garbage film.
Kastanjemanden (2021)
Excellent until it wasn't, but still a worthwhile watch
As far as dark Scandinavian murder mysteries go, this series is near the top of the heap. The Chestnut Man has all the hallmarks of a solid, well produced series with excellent acting and production values. Plot-wise, for the first 9/10 of the running time, the story is soundly plausible, with several excellent reversals and red herrings. Without giving any specifics away, it is only in the final episode that the wheels come off the train a little bit, and the viewer is asked to accept a rapid diminishment of intelligence on the part of several of the key law-enforcement characters. If not for these trite contrivances, The Chestnut Man could have been a masterpiece. Instead, it is an above-average addition to the serial killer mystery genre.
La comunidad (2000)
One of the funniest dark comedies I have ever seen!
This film goes into my modern classics category of darkly humorous movies. I can't believe it took me 22 years to discover the gem. The pacing is perfect, the production is beautifully done and the acting is superb to match. Not for the squeamish, I recommend Common Wealth to anybody who likes films by the Coen Brothers or Quentin Tarantino. In the wrong hands, plots of this nature can easily devolve into boring and predictable escapades that lack the ability to keep the viewer engaged. But Common Wealth has a beautiful arc and culminates in a climax Hitchcock would be proud of. Some of the lines are so funny you'll end up laughing out loud. I think part of this is because contemporary comedies are so lame and bland in comparison in our woke culture. This movie was clearly done before comedy was skewered by the humorless and easily offended.
Dead Reckoning (1946)
Top notch noir all the way
Contrary to some reviewer's opinions, I think Lizbeth Scott was terrfic as the femme fatale in Dead Reckoning. Excellent story, great cinematography - this one belongs in the noir pantheon of greatness.
Reacher (2022)
Lee Child must be happy with Season 1. Reacher done right.
I guess you could call Reacher "a thinking person's super heroic popcorn movie." Intellectuals looking for cinema verité should skip.
I have read all the Lee Child books. They aren't great literature. But Child crafted a stoic, iconic hero of mythological proportions in Jack Reacher. So if you appreciate your fiction heroic, and don't enjoy the nihilistic, woke crap that passes for entertainment these days, you're going to love this show. Alan Ritchson IS Jack Reacher. A massive, physical guy, who can act pretty damn well. Ritchson's presence commands a room when he enters. Fight scenes are perfectly choreographed - nasty, brutal and short. Romantic scenes are mercifully brief.
As with many comic book-style heroic stories, disbelief must be suspended to enjoy Reacher. The plot is fairly complex with a long list of characters, so you'll need to pay attention. So if noir hero style action, with a detective story spine is your cup of tea, sit back and enjoy Reacher.
Copshop (2021)
False advertising
In the 140-second trailer, a full 5 seconds show who the heroine is in this film. In my book, misrepresenting the main characters in such a drastic fashion only leads to viewer disappointment. I hate to say it, but I think this potentially decent film falls prey to the insanity of wokeism running rampant through Hollywood these days. I don't have anything against minority heroes or heroines, but if a film is promoted as having Gerhard Butler as the lead protagonist tough guy, and the movie ends up making a 95-lb. Black female no-name actress the toughest cop in the shop, things become ridiculously unrealistic. I won't spoil any key plot points, but suffice it to say that it's amazing how some people can recover from gut shot wounds, and are able to accomplish spine crushing acrobatics, with no medical attention required. Carnahan used to be dependable for gritty, realistic movie fare. If that's what you're looking for, skip Cop Shop and rewatch Narc, or Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane.
Le convoyeur (2004)
A superior crime thriller
It's no wonder Guy Ritchie was attracted to this story, and liked it enough to remake the film, Hollywood style. Le Convoyeur is the better film, although Wrath of God is admirable as a thriller in its own right. Le Convoyeur has better character development, and doesn't have distractive subplots involving the robbery gang. I don't want to spoil anything, so give it a watch, and judge for yourself.
The Big Boodle (1957)
One of worst castings I've ever seen, OK plot
I just finished The Big Boodle (1957). The plot was pretty good, most of the acting (aside from over-acting fake Latino Chief of Police)...but the film was ruined for me by one glaring problem: the horrible miscasting of the he-man tough guy Errol Flynn as a milquetoast everyman, who ends up getting himself pummeled every 15 minutes until at the end he miraculously develops something like a backbone and tries to save the dame.
This is the Errol Flynn, aka: Captain Blood, who could play have well played Hammett's Sam Spade or Chandler's Philip Marlow. Instead of going on the offensive, we see his face turned to hamburger by featherweight thugs. Sometimes having a strong leading man play an average Joe works (Cary Grant in North by Northwest comes to mind), in this case it never worked for me. Flynn is just too imposing a presence compared to the B-grade villains in The Big Boodle.
SPOILER ALERT:
And one can't help but notice the ridiculous plot point of having the money plates hidden in a tourist trap, an old prison called El Morrow, now a museum attraction, where millions of people pass through. That would be the LAST place on earth anyone would hide valuables. But it made for an entertaining finale location, especially with the gruesome ending of the villain. The shark scene was remarkably well done...Spielberg should have studied this one before shooting his mechanical shark scenes he was so embarrassed by!
Tenet (2020)
Pummeled by A Paradox
Well, it finally arrived, and Tenet was...a spectacle, of sorts. That can never be taken away from the king of practical effects and 70mm IMAX thunder vision. Plot-wise, don't even try to wrap your head around the time traveling paradox. Not worth the effort. And forget about finding any character development, because clearly director Nolan had no interest in making a film for adults.
He cast a no-name with shall we say limited range in the lead - John David Washington - a nice looking, athletic actor, but lacking stature, posture and gravitas of any kind. Nolan's gangly, morose blond Brit, Elizabeth Debicki - half a foot taller than our hero - is a femme fatale of sorts, but with a heart. She isn't out of the Bond girl mold, that's for sure. Perhaps the times we live in dictated more representation from the towering volleyball-playing crowd.
The antagonist Andrei Sator is played by the veteran actor/director Kenneth Branagh. He could have phoned in his performance, and while it is not objectionable, it also is not noteworthy. It is sufficient. I'm not sure anybody could have done his part any better, considering the material; plenty could have done it worse, though.
The action is well paced and virtually non-stop. Missing is any sense of levity or humor or human emotions that would have served to flesh out the characters and make us care for them. This movie is deadly earnest. Only Robert Pattinson's Neil, who assist our protagonist in saving the world, draws our empathy and a twinge of concern. He's the only person in Tenet who seems to be enjoying himself in the least - the indomitable optimist even when facing overwhelming opposition and slim chances. His acting chops are bonafide, and I look forward to seeing him in anything he does in the future.
Tenet is about as entertaining as you'd expect a film to be, if the director decided to extrapolate one interesting idea (that characters and objects can go forward and backward in time simultaneously) into 150 minutes of visual and audio pummeling by paradox. Your psyche may be bruised from sitting through this film in its entirety.
Nolan is a writer/director to be admired for the chances he takes, and his dedication to realism in resisting the CGI revolution. Tenet gets 5 stars for the amazing visual effects, but it could have been so, so much more.
The Beach Bum (2019)
A perfectly cast film that resonates with hedonists of yore
When you set out to make a film about a guy who lives in a drug and booze-filled haze, you don't resort to traditional linear narrative structure. Heck no. You make a film that allows the viewer to spend 95 minutes inside the disjointed world of a seeming madman - Moondog. And you set it in Florida. And you have a lot of sex and boozing and assorted debaucheries. This film is clearly not intended for people who never let go of their inhibitions in their youth. For those who did, it will provide a bittersweet reminder that some of the best times in one's life are experienced while sensually living in the moment. Moondog is a tragic figure, having never grown out of adolescence, but we still love him in spite of that flaw - and maybe, just for a brief moment, wish we could go back.
Knives Out (2019)
A neutered who-dunnit for our times
Gee, do I really need to watch a mystery movie to hear that immigrants are good and alt-right people are Nazis? Give me a break. Maybe writer/director Rian Johnson was trying to give some cultural context to the picture, but unfortunately the culture he is reflecting is his Kalifornia leftist echo chamber.
Aside from the distractive injection of immigration open borders advocacy, the film is a competent ensemble mystery comedy, easy on the comedy. In fact, if you aren't really looking for it, you may miss the humor, it is so innocuous and low-key, pretty much reflecting the state of comedy in America these days. Mustn't offend anybody with our humor, except of course rich white conservatives, who have no feelings, being pure evil.
The identity of the killer (who is of course rich and white) is kept well hidden for 95% of the running time, and for that, I give Knives Out 5 stars. It would have merited perhaps 7 stars, had Rian Johnson taken a few more chances in the comedy department, and withheld his dopey open immigration politics.
Gokseong (2016)
All that wailing without a payoff
To call The Wailing tonally inconsistent is an understatement. This film is a big fail on two levels: first it needs some serious chopping in the editing room. At least 30 minutes of tedious shamanistic drum beating and moronic cop antics could have been left on the cutting room floor, and the movie would have been better because of it.
Second, the plot makes no sense either way you look at it. We are given two potential culprits behind the mayhem in the village resulting in zombie-like symptoms in the "infected" citizens. Two possible antagonists, and by the end, we still are left with two possibilities. But neither one makes much sense, in the context of the film's narrative.
If mood was everything in assessing a horror film's quality, The Wailing receives a B+ in that category - when the scenes don't include the Keystone Cops crying like little girls, or long closeups of people paralyzed with fear, staring in horror at bloody carnage.
But making viewers endure 2 1/2 hours of suspenseful buildup without providing a sufficient climactic payoff is unforgivable. No amount of style can make up for the egregious lack of substance in this film.
For top notch horror, rewatch The Ring or The Orphanage or Audition. The Wailing will have you wailing for your 2 1/2 hours back.
Official Secrets (2019)
Good production values, story is poppycock
The story (spoilers): Brit intelligence employee Katharine Gun leaked a memo. Being a leftist, she made leftist assumptions about the motives behind the memo. The leftist newspapers to which she leaked said memo made leftist assumptions about the meaning of the memo. Doo doo hits the fan.
Much as with the idiotic quid pro quo inquisition against U.S. President Trump, there was NO mention of intent by U.S. intelligence to blackmail UN Security Council members. U.S. intelligence wanted British intelligence to help them SPY on the UN Security Council, yes. But that's all that was asked in the memo. Gun and her activist pals simply did not want Britain to be involved in the war in Iraq, and saw this as a way to sabotage that prospect.
I agree that the war in Iraq was unnecessary and immoral. I never supported it from day one. That is a different issue.
If any lesson can be learned from a film like Official Secrets, it is that people on both sides of the fence will invent motives for what others do and say, and will outright lie to the public to sway opinion. It is reprehensible to me, no matter the motive.
This type of reality fabrication has resulted in making the mainstream press essentially untrustworthy, and a joke. Fake news brought this upon themselves, by publishing stories such as that around which Official Secrets is based.
I was hoping this film would have more meat to it...some real intel that incriminated the U.S. intel agencies in their machinations to whip up a war against Iraq that ended with hundreds of thousands dead and wounded.
No such luck.
The Package (1989)
Underrated political thriller - with the great Gene Hackman
I won't go into plot details, as several other reviewers have. The Package delivers the goods every thriller buff will enjoy: realistic set pieces, good action sequences artfully choreographed, a noir-ish plot full of twists and memorable characters, wonderful location shooting, in Chicago especially. They don't make movies like this anymore, unfortunately. You know - the kind created for intelligent viewers, who want more than comic book movies full of vapid dialogue best suited for 15-yr. olds.
Gene Hackman is perhaps our greatest living actor. He fits the role of Sgt. Johnny Gallagher like a glove. Only reason The Package doesn't get a 10 from me is the slightly overwrought musical score. It's not bad, and works fine in many scenes. But some of the rising crescendos are a touch over the top, in scenes not meriting that level of dramatic embellishment. Minor quibble. I'd put this film on same level as, or just a tad under: 3 Days of the Condor, The Day of the Jackal, and Executive Action.
The Death of Dick Long (2019)
Disturbing drama, will be found utterly unfunny by many
If you can laugh at the tragic human condition, especially the human condition of degenerate hillbillies, then perhaps you can hold down the bile and revulsion when the big "reveal" unfolds. (Actually, there is zero footage of the situation leading to Dick Long's death, so you'll be using your imagination).
The acting in this strange film is superb across the board, so kudos to the cast and director for that. The cinematography is well done. Good production values throughout. As to why anybody would feel compelled to make a film about this particular subject matter, well, that's a question for psychiatrists (or perhaps an exorcist). Devote Christians, you've been warned...
Memory: The Origins of Alien (2019)
Would have been a 10 star without the ludicrous digression
I found this documentary quite well made and interesting. Different critical methods were used to examine the story - from psychological to historical. I found the connection made between the creature and Francis Bacon figures especially salient.
If you can get over the 5 minutes or so of ridiculous toxic masculinity at the 1:06 mark, you will likely enjoy this film, and appreciate the insights into deeper motivations of the writer, director and the amazing H. R. Giger, without whom Alien wouldn't be the timeless nightmare that it has become.
She's Having a Baby (1988)
She's having a baby, like it or not
This is the story about an immature, often amoral man Bacon) being shanghaied by a duplicitous wife (McGovern) who lies about being on The Pill and gets pregnant without consulting her husband. What she does to him is criminal, in my opinion. She'd be arrested for fraud in any other context. But hey, bruh...womens' rights!
Good lesson to be learned here...take sex damn seriously, and understand who has the upper hand (hint: if you're a dude, it isn't you).
There are quite a few funny bits in this film, about suburban life in general, and middle class employment. Hughes avoids the usual snarkiness Hollywood types build into such examinations of fly-over country folk.
So watch this for the stylistically done gags, then go to confession if you're a Catholic, and get absolved from joking about what should be criminal matrimonial fraud.
Scarier than Rosemary's Baby to guys who haven't contemplated the depths to which some women will descend to get pregnant.
Hoaxed (2019)
Unimpeachably honest testimonials give this film its power
This film makes you wonder if our salacious news media had at one time been about objective reportage, and it became thoroughly corrupted, morphing into the leftist propaganda machine it is today...or was it always thus, and we only now have taken the red pill and seen the truth?
There is no such thing as complete objectivity in journalism, since humans all see things through our own lenses, guided by our biases and cognitive deficiencies. But a good case can be made, and has been made in Hoaxed, that the mass media has become incrementally, and almost completely politically biased against conservatives and Republicans.
The progressives are an authoritarian bunch, and have since the 1930s been permeating media, academia and education in startling numbers. The agenda of the Left is to shut down oppositional voices, not debate and seek the truth. They seek to change this country in fundamental ways, contrary to the intent of the founders.
Progressives are on a holy crusade toi bring social justice to the world, no matter how many people's lives are ruined in the process. As anyone with a moderate knowledge of recent history knows, the authoritarian tendencies of the Left lead inevitably to economic collapse, social strife, and mass bloodshed.
We are currently in a civil war in America, although you could call it a cold war at this point. But if the Left continues in its efforts to suppress free speech, threatening violence against those who would disagree with them, the cold war will escalate. I hate to see where this could lead.
Hopefully, Hoaxed will open eyes of many people, and we can begin to reclaim our civility and engage in free and open debate over issues, and boot the censorious, authoritarian elements out of our media and schools. Hopefully we will ask "what is the media not showing us? What are they not telling us?" And we will seek the rest of the story from alternative news sources.
Many thanks to Cassie Jaye, Scott Adams, Alex Jones, Stefan Molyneux, James O'Keefe, Lauren Southern, Tim Pool and all the others brave enough to fight for the truth every day in their own unique ways, providing us much needed independent alternatives to fascist Left so-called "news" outlets.
And the most thanks to Mike Cernovich, for spending the time, energy, and resources necessary to put together this timely exposé. And for turning his camera on the lying lamestream media.
Pool of London (1951)
Top notch late noir - highly recommended
Stumbled across this little gem of a film on the internet, after seeing it mentioned in an article entitled "The 10 Best British Noir Films You Should Watch" on tasteofcinema.com.
I am something of a noir fanatic, and Pool of London holds up with the best of the late, gritty urban films in that "genre," which often forsake the noir femme fatale formula, making males with tragic flaws their own antagonists. This film has all the elements of great drama, and Hitchcock couldn't have done it better. It even features a strikingly beautiful blond, the kind Hitch favored, in Susan Shaw. Va-va-voom!
This film transcends most thrillers of the era by making one of the leads a black man, and the ramifications are expertly and sensitively woven into the story, unlike the heavy-handed examples which would follow as the upcoming civil rights era ensued.
I was so impressed by the incredible photography in this film that I was compelled to look up the director of photography: Gordon Dines. I must say, John Alton has nothing on Mr. Dines! He is a master of the craft, and makes this film a must-see on that basis alone.
This is a well paced, well shot, well acted thriller, and I am glad I finally stumbled across it after all these years. It's so nice to be surprised by the quality of a long lost film, just when you think you've seen all the best. They don't make them like this anymore. Now all you see are cardboard characters, 2-second shots, nauseating hand-held camera takes (even when they aren't warranted ) and CGI explosions....no thanks.
Now I need to track down "The Blue Lamp", which was also shot by Gordon Dines.
Wanda (1970)
Like watching a train wreck in slow motion...fascinating
Fascinating, but sad indeed. The story is definitely written in tragic mode, versus heroic.
This modest little film is tight, which doesn't refer to length of shots and scenes, but to the beautifully paced whole, with cuts in all the right places.
Loden as writer/director/actress has created a tour de force portrayal of a working class woman, adrift in a world in which she is out of her depth...intellectually, attitudinally, emotionally, sexually. While the 1970s setting adds an endearing pastiche of nostalgia, to be appreciated by viewers who lived through that era, the story could take place anywhere, anytime, in any culture.
The bleakness and hopelessness of Loden's character lurks in all of us, because at its core, life is inexplicable and meaningless, aside from the sporadic benefits we derive from moments of sensual satisfaction. All the philosophizing and religious proselytizing can't change the fact that we are born, we have some pleasant and some unpleasant experiences, and we die.
During the unraveling of Wanda, we see more unpleasant than pleasant, and so it falls into the tragedy camp. But as many a great storyteller from the past has proved, tragedies and the gut-wrenching realities they evoke can often reveal more about the human condition than happier tales.
Not to put off potential viewers of Wanda, and without giving any spoilers, the ending is far from the potentially fatalistic one which director Loden masterfully leads the viewer to expect.
I found this film as engaging as Altman's "3 Women" (1977), and that is saying a lot. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075612/
Movie 43 (2013)
Not for people who find bodily fluids and genitalia disgusting
I'm giving this film five stars as an average of two types of films....general comedies (I'd give it a 1) and raunchy comedies loaded with adolescent male humor (it rates a 10 in by that category). There are several very funny bits that make this worth watching, even if you don't particularly like scatological, off-color humor.
I imagine Kentucky Fried Movie irritated and "offended" about as many people when it came out, seeing as how human nature doesn't change much in 35 years. There will always be a majority of people who get their undies in a bundle over bodily secretions, sex and silly taboo parodies. If there is any valid criticism of this film as a raunch-fest, it's that it's a little predicable in the bodily fluid department.
But like I said, there are some moments of original humor in this lambasted little film.
And Halle Berry is always great on the eyes!
Jack Reacher (2012)
Excellent, intelligent action thriller
If you can get over the fact that Tom Cruise is no Jack Reacher in stature (in the novels, the character stands out in a crowd, at 6'4' and 240 lbs.), you will enjoy this film. It has a well crafted plot, is expertly filmed and edited, and resists the typical over-the-top shaky-cam effects we see far too often in such movies. I almost didn't go see this film based on many negative reviews I'd read on Rotten Tomatoes....I'm very glad I decided to see it after all. What a pleasant surprise. I believe the political biases of many reviewers turned them off...if you don't believe justice should be merciless and swift, you are probably going to have a problem with this film. But if you enjoyed, say, the Dirty Harry series, then get out and watch this!
Freaky Deaky (2012)
Amateurish and spot off on almost everything
I wanted to like this film. I love Elmore Leonard novels, and loved Get Shorty, 52 Pickup, Get Straight and Jackie Brown (Rum Punch). In the hands of a master like Tarantino, Elmore Leonard's complex and fast-paced plots, with numerous characters throwing witty street banter around, really shine.
Unfortunately, Charles Mattheau isn't up to the task, and characters are miscast, pacing is awful, even the score is wrong in so many places. This film often comes off as a bad TV tongue-in-cheek crime show, complete with dramatic musical flourishes when the camera zooms in on the sexy legs of actresses Sabina Gadeki and Breanne Racano. (Their legs and other beautiful body parts are the best things about these mediocre actresses, in my opinion). The explosion scenes are evidence of a severe shortage in the sfx budget as well as the actor budget.
Even the usually outstanding Crispin Glover as the spacey drunken rich guy Woody Ricks is tepid, either overacting scenes or underacting them. Everything seems out of sync in this film.
Perhaps I'm holding it up to too high of a standard with the aforementioned Leonard film adaptations. But it is what it is...and cool 70's sets and apparel (the novel was set in the 60s), witty Leonard dialog and clever plot apparently weren't enough for director Mattheau to pull this off. I have to believe Elmore Leonard is supremely disappointed in this effort, since as I recall he labeled this his favorite novel. One can only hope that someday a director like Tarantino remakes this film the right way, and captures the crazy 60's vibe from the novel.