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Reviews
Just Add Romance (2019)
Reliable Hallmark charms lifted by an engaging cast
Kelly (Meghann Fahy) and Jason (Luke Macfarlane) compete on a famed cooking show for the chance to win their own restaurant, but can they find a balance between showing off their culinary skills and confronting their emerging affection for each-other?
'Just Add Romance' is perhaps not always the most exciting or fast paced of the Hallmark movies, the resolution at the end of the film is pretty easy to pick right from the start, and it even covers quite a lot of ground that all those real TV cooking shows already do! Also, frequent Hallmark junkies, you'll need to decide if you're happy with one of the regular 'no kissing before the finale' rules possibly being broken!
But even in its slowest moments, Luke Macfarlane is, of course, charming as always and really an old pro at this sort of thing now with so many HM films on his resume, and the newcoming lady Meghann Fahy (such exquisite eyes!) already shows a lovely screen presence, and she will likely get even warmer in these roles if she gets to make more HM flicks in the future.
Special mention should also go to Brittney Wilson, who plays the dorky blonde TV assistant with the glasses, as she deserves to get a lead role in her very own HM flick!
A nice film, completely held up at all times by the superior cast, and a very reliable option for those seeking an easy-going Hallmark love-fest.
Northern Lights of Christmas (2018)
A tasteful and classy Hallmark Christmas effort
Zoey Hathaway (Ashley Williams) really wanted to be a full-time pilot, but when she inherits a reindeer farm in the town she grew up in, she has to decide what she wants to do with the property. Ranch hand Alec Wynn (Corey Sevier) is resentful of her initial plan to sell it, but will fond memories of her hometown, reconnecting with old friends in a town where everyone knows her name and a blossoming friendship with the slowly thawing demeanour of Alec change her plans?
'Northern Lights of Christmas' has tons going for it if you enjoy the Hallmark brand of Christmas movies. Leading lady Ashley Williams is always a class act in these flicks, delivering so much genuine excitement and warmth, and she gets bonus points for those stunning eyes of hers (and let's face it, a lot of the time these films are ALL about that eye acting!). Leading man Corey Sevier has a rugged handsome quality and restraint to his performance that never drifts into that more grating 'pretty-boy' over-cuteness that often appears in these movies...although many of the female viewers of these probably don't mind that anyway! The rest of the minor cast are all friendly and charming, really helping to bring home that sense of community that is so important to the best of these type of films.
Yes, it falls back on that wonderful 'distorted reality' that comes out in so many Hallmark Christmas movies where every single little niggling problem or issue is perfectly resolved by the finale (actually all in the space of about five minutes in this particular instance!), but the lead and minor cast are constantly likable, the close community aspect is inviting, everyone will love the adorable animals, and the Alaskan backdrops add all the snowy atmosphere you'd want to see in one of these Christmas films...and you'll definitely decide within minutes that moving to a breathtaking reindeer ranch is the only logical next step in your life!
8 out of 10 for this tasteful effort if you're an unashamed Hallmark Christmas junkie - raises hand on that one.
Now scouring my box of personal files to see if I was due to be left a reindeer ranch in any inheritance I might have missed...
Tiny Christmas (2017)
Lots of harmless fun in this breezy and silly little Christmas flick!
In 2017's 'Tiny Christmas', two young kids are accidentally shrunk by Santa's elf's shrinking ray (that's how they manage to load up so many presents in the sleigh to deliver on Christmas eve, of course!) and have to navigate through runaway toys, a dangerous cat, loopy neighbours and other hazards, before they can find their way back home and hopefully be returned to proper size!
Obviously 'Tiny Christmas' is aimed at younger audiences, but it has plenty to offer other viewers if you're in a forgiving mood - and preferably of an easily amused and/or slightly warped mindset! In fact, there's a good chance you won't be able to take your eyes off the absolutely bewildering and exaggerated overacting from every single one of the cast - almost no-one acts or talks in the least bit realistically, but it's clear every one of the performers were in on the joke and were having a great time making this, and their liveliness really carries the film! The dialogue is completely nonsensical and proves to be unexpectedly funny (although you'll either be rolling your eyes or grinning from ear to ear!), the cheerfully cheap n' cheesy special-effects completely compliment the loopy tone of the film, and one or two quieter reflective moments have a sweet heart to them in the way all Christmas/family films should.
So if you click with the deranged silliness of the movie, there's an energetic and peppy little film (urgh, pun not intended, but it works, so it's staying!) in 'Tiny Christmas', and there's a good chance you and your kids will have a great time with it!
7/10.
End of a Gun (2016)
Reliable and surprisingly breezy action thriller from the 80's action star.
Steven Seagal's 'End of a Gun' from 2016 is an above-average sleek and briskly paced action-thriller from longtime Seagal collaborator Keoni Waxman, on his ninth film as director with the action star (plus several episodes of the 'True Justice' TV series) to date, and he again delivers a visually slick product and a good modern showcase for the aging action hero that proves there's life in the ol' dog yet.
Set in France and involving stolen money belonging to a vicious crime boss, '...Gun' is more of a stylish thriller with light heist elements than a full-blooded action blow-out, delivering a story that allows for plenty of double-crossing betrayals, and while it might not be the most original or gripping of tales, it moves along much more breezily and has a bit more of a sense of fun than many of the action star's other grittier films. But, of course, it still provides several breaks to slot in Steven's usual bone crunching hand-to-hand fights and punchy shootouts, and there's plenty of amusing sly lines littered throughout the script to raise a little smile here and there to keep your attention.
The film has much to recommend it for long-time devoted Steven Seagal fans, not least a genuinely committed and fairly relaxed lead performance from the action star this time around, so that means none of the dreaded re-dubbing that has plagued many of the recent direct to video efforts that the star seemed less interested in, and it certainly offers more than being a mere extended cameo being sold on his name (hello, 'The Perfect Weapon' and 'Sniper: Special Ops', looking at you!). But the film is helped immensely by three co-stars, with the gorgeous and effortlessly flirty Jade Ewen as Steven's partner-in-crime, Florin Piersic Jr as a coolly psychopathic henchman and Ovidiu Niculescu as an old acquaintance of Seagal's on the local police force. Some guilty laughs also come in the form of Alexandre Nguyen's incompetent pretty-boy hired help (hilariously called Pee Wee!) who insists on wearing a cowboy hat, much to the embarrassment of his fellow cronies, and it's touches like this that really liven the film up.
The film is not without its issues. Some viewers will hardly find the film truly captivating, it could have done with more lackeys for Seagal to beat senseless, and the mysterious faceless big-bad villain Mr Vargas is completely forgotten about by the end of the film - sequel perhaps? But the lean running time of just over 85 minutes means 'End of a Gun' dashes along at a spry pace, and it again shows Waxman constantly honing his skills and delivering one of his most polished efforts to date, one that also offers just a little change of pace for Seagal that will appeal to those most devoted of fans who still support his modern direct-to-video period.
Seven out of ten.
Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (2014)
More low-budget campy horror thrills from a fun director!
A group of teen girls are hounded by an infatuated stalker (Massage Parlour of Death's Kirk Munaweera) who harasses them with creepy phone calls and love notes, and once he stumbles upon a mask and electric drill, they'll either reciprocate his advances or pay the ultimate price for their rejection! A retro-style throwback to horror movies of the late Seventies and early Eighties, 'Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare' is B-movie director Richard Mogg's fifth film, and he delivers 74 campy minutes of the girls getting drunk, watching porno, talking about boys, and then fighting for their lives against the killer. It's greatly inspired by the teen horror classic 'Slumber Party Massacre', and there's some nice little nods to the original 'Halloween' as well.
The film is essentially carried by the three girls, and Kaitlyn Yurkiw, Lauren Richardson and Hillary Kaplan all bring great personality and energy to the flick. All the gorgeous ladies have that beautiful yet relatable girl-next-door quality that retro horror followers find so appealing, and their welcome ample cleavage on display never becomes too crass or revealing. A large amount of the movie is made up of long scenes with just the girls talking for minutes at a time (and it looks like they ad-libbed the majority of the dialogue), so some viewers may find a few spots get a little tedious or uneventful. But the girls have a wickedly immature sense of humour, a very natural chemistry together and likable interaction with each-other, so despite some dialogue meandering on from time to time, one of them will randomly offer something so awkwardly laugh-out-loud funny that it's impossible not to love them! Add in cheesy yet perfectly appropriate practicable gore effects, memorable deaths in the finale, a simple yet effective soundtrack of mostly eerie synth drones, enough sexual innuendo to make Leisure Suit Larry blush, and, most important of all, dancing and pajama party pillow fight montages (and bless you Richard for leaving in Hilary's accidental butt shot - with her permission, of course!) and you've got a perfect night of trashy guilty pleasure viewing covered!
As with the Bluray/DVD release of his previous film 'Massage Parlour of Death', Richard provides a wealth of extras including bloopers, raw footage, breezy interviews with some of the cast and trailers, and a 'making of' segment where he discusses not only the inspiration for the killer but talks honestly about wanting to make a better work than his previous movies. But best of all is his lively commentary where he discusses everything from his thoughts on screen nudity, shooting on a minuscule budget and use of profanity, to simple pleasures to keep your cast and crew happy.
Richard provides plenty of bright colour to give the movie a visually interesting look, his dorky sense of fun and warped sense of humour is still firmly on display, and he's constantly honing and improving his craft with each film, especially evident in some nice subtle reflective moments - the scene near the end with the girls playing a game of 'Quarters' with the soft dissolves and warm piano score is really lovely and restrained (as well as a nice tribute to 'Blood Lake'), and the moment where the stalker takes in the environment that the girls were recently in is unsettling. 'Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare' is Mogg's best film to date, another great title for SRS Cinema, and fans who understand and relish the low budget, do-it-yourself horror movie mentality should have a great time with this! 8/10
Massage Parlor of Death (2015)
An amusing and campy shot on video no-budget guilty pleasure horror flick!
Ruby has a deadly secret - she's using a dodgy massage parlour as a front for killing clients and using their blood in rituals to resurrect her dead lover! That's all there really is to low budget director Richard Mogg's cheap and cheerful schlocky 'Massage Parlour of Death', a loving tribute to crusty old 80's shot on video horror movies. Proudly boasted as being shot for a mere $50, the film has a real do-it-yourself and 'just wing it and hope for the best' maverick style quality, making the campy results a true guilty pleasure!
With it's constant mix of stilted acting, sleazy come-on's and constant disrobing (although nudity free!) from the cast, you almost keep expecting (or for some viewers, hoping?!) the film is going to turn into a porno at any second, but it's all just a set-up to allow Ruby to take out her victims and spread plenty of ketchup/fake blood splashing all over the screen!
The film is carried by the knowingly in-on-the-joke performance from gorgeous leading lady Michelle Kaveet, and her eyes alone are absolutely entrancing, no wonder so much of the screen time is given to constant close-ups of this beauty (although her co-star Katelyn Yurkiw is hardly shabby either!). But there's occasional witty and genuinely funny bits of dialogue here and there, plenty of unsteady 70's zooms, cool 80's music montages with a couple of cute Spectrum/Commodore 64-esque video game soundtrack spots too, and the finale, as well a back story involving an archaeological dig with a troublesome native, have to be seen to be believed!
Although available on DVD (check out that great cover art from Devon Whitehead!), it's worth tracking down the limited edition bluray from SRS Cinema LLC (they've even done a run of extra limited VHS copies!), where you get two versions of the movie on the one disc. The first is the HD digital original recording of the movie, yet a washed out, fuzzy, generations old, wonky tracking VHS transfer of the footage is the more desirable alternative that can also be viewed here, and it's certainly the most appropriate! Both are worth watching as they each contain little differences, but the VHS is more true to the spirit of the era of horror movies this movie emulates. Also cool is the bonus behind the scenes video where spirited and self-deprecating director Mogg explains just how a film can be shot for only $50, and his light-hearted commentary with lead actress Michelle is infectious as well.
If you have a soft spot for campy, cheapo horror movie dreck and can appreciate it's screwy sense of humour and twisted sense of fun, check out this silly and warped little beauty!
7/10 - Can't wait for Richard's next flick!
Farm (2010)
A restrained and thoughtful low-budget survival/horror film.
Two brothers try to maintain in a world that has slipped into chaos, brought down by an infection that has decimated the human population. They live out each tedious day, the older one Charlie attending to their farm, self sufficient with meager supplies of basic food and water, while his younger brother Simon is disfigured and quietly losing his grip on sanity, giving up on the will to live. They are both unaware of how truly widespread the damage is, and once a stranger Sarah arrives at the farm seeking refuge, the trio must decide what their next move is.
Filled with a creeping, subtle dread and very careful pacing, 'The Farm' is a low-budget 'zombie' film that focuses on human struggles over outright gore. Directors Hank Bausch and Andrew M. Jackson bring a quiet subtlety, successfully building an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and isolation. The three acting leads - Michael Hotop, Freddie Meyer and Ashley Salazar - all deliver restrained moments of strength and resignation, conveying their bleak situation more than adequately. Composer Nadine Gleason's melancholic piano score is subdued and haunting for much of the film, booming and stalking when needed to raise the tension, and it perfectly compliments a few moments of very striking imagery from cinematographer Evan Kimball Plochmann and cameraman Nathan Ackerman.
While the infected themselves sometimes look a little crummy, the clothing and hair of the leads probably a little too clean and perfect, and some moments in the acting that are a little strained, there's an eerie sadness that permeates the movie. If you prefer fast-paced gorier horror films, then you'll have to look elsewhere. But if you can appreciate a subtle story that takes it's time to establish characters, and if you have the patience to listen and watch quietly, you'll find 'The Farm' perfectly compliments TV shows like 'The Walking Dead', and is successful in offering a similar sombre, unhappy atmosphere with just little traces of hope.
An encouraging 7/10 for a decent little horror debut from promising horror fan film-makers.
Apparitional (2014)
Well acted and occasionally scary horror flick.
A group of paranormal investigators need to deliver the goods to boost the ratings of their struggling TV show, so agree to film an episode in an old abandoned prison. Although long since abandoned, turns out the place might not be so empty as first thought of! 'Haunting of Cellblock 11' is a decent little low-budget horror/thriller with solid dialog and believable characters, and, despite a fairly slow start, a couple of effective scares pop up here and there. It's also a competently shot multi-camera affair, so despite the premise, there's very little in the way of single shaky camera 'found-footage' elements.
But one thing that instantly stands out are some better than average acting performances, and ultimate praise must go to the on screen husband and wife Jeffrey Johnson and Linara Washington. The pair share a convincing chemistry and very supportive, believable partnership throughout the film, and the few scenes where the sadly discuss their inability to have children is very touching, you literally want these two to make it through the ordeal. It's probably their relationship and the skill of the two actors that keeps you watching right through to the end.
Unfortunately some of the scares rely on pretty unconvincing CGI enhancements that are more ambitious than successful, and the film would have probably been more effective without them at all. Another problem is that something bad happens to one of the lead characters about half way through, and when he suddenly reappears later on, when asked what happened he essentially answers 'Oh man, I have no idea...', and it's never brought up again!
But 'Haunting of Cellblock 11' is still worth a watch. It tells a decent tale, has some reliable scares and all-around solid acting. I'm assuming there might also be a chance of some of the characters returning for another film?
7/10.