Change Your Image
tupolev-2
Reviews
Joyful Noise (2012)
Christian Idol
Enough already! Sadly, the only slight shimmer of hope in this film was the opening credits - with names like Queen Latifa and Dolly Parton it was off to a great start and then headed south - fast. The acting is tired, strained and disconnected with each other. The current avalanche of singing competitions, reality TV shows and movies at the moment only serves to make this look like a poor (Southern) cousin - the public is just "idol-ed out". Having the Church as the background to this movie was unnecessary - the characters are on their own personal agenda and at the end of the day it turned into another "Look At Me I'm Singing On Stage And I'm Fabulous- Fest" Humility and Grace are not this movie's strong points - certainly not in line with the Christian surroundings. It also served to push a political agenda with the "returning serviceman" scene (who should have known better and taken his hat off 'before' he entered a Church) not to mention taking the attention away from the bride and groom! So many unnecessary additives just turned a promising plot into self congratulatory all-singing, somewhat dancing flop.
Lusitania: Murder on the Atlantic (2007)
Disappointingly tedious
Given the subject matter one would have expected a tense and exciting story. Unfortunately what we are presented with here is dull and tedious. It follows the story of the destruction of the RMS Lusitania from the time of her departure from New York City to her torpedoing off the coast of Ireland several days later and the subsequent Inquiry into the sinking. It is in docudrama format and is narrated in part by John Hannah's character of Prof Ian Holbourn. The acting is rather mediocre, the sets are uninspiring and the outside shots, particularly the sinking, were obviously not shot in the North Atlantic. The scenes on board the German U-Boat are somewhat more convincing. The special effects are sparse but adequate. Kenneth Cranham puts in the best performance as Captain Turner. Very disappointing, I found myself looking at the clock waiting for it to finish.
Solstorm (2007)
Well worth watching!
There's no glamorous international jet setting, no big names or well known locations. The story line is slick, tense and well paced. The setting alone adds the drama without Hollywood special effects or unbelievable court room antics thrown in. It's a gripping tight thriller that will satisfy the moviegoer that appreciates a good storyline without being told what to think. I also enjoyed the cinema photography - it would have been hard to brings this aspect of the film to life when you are dealing with a predominately white subject but it passes muster and adds a real sense of emotion and isolation. Food for thought - the setting in which the story takes place could be anywhere, any town any country - just proving how alike the world can be. A great rainy afternoon film and one that you could watch again.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Not the James Bond we knew and loved.
I was very disappointed with Quantum of Solace. It is dark, violent and completely lacking in humour. Daniel Craig's Bond is a wooden and unpleasant character who spends most of his time killing almost everyone in sight. We all know he has a licence to kill but in this film he is just a mass murderer. When he is not killing people he is expressionless, with nostrils flared, trying to look cool and sexy. The Bond girls are completely forgettable.
The action scenes are filmed in extreme close-up and change about every two seconds. This makes viewing them an unenjoyable experience, similar to watching a strobe light epileptics be warned!
The storyline is unbelievable and confusing. The villains' objectives are never really made clear so I'm assuming that who they are and what they are plotting will be explained in a sequel. There is no sparkle this film, no gadgets and no Bond wisecracks.
If you enjoyed the formula of previous James Bond films featuring Connery, Moore and Dalton don't expect anything like that from this movie.
The Pirate Movie (1982)
A lot of camp old stuffer nonsense!
Having said that, suspend your reality and just enjoy the film for what it is - corny, campy, a bit ridiculous but a lot of fun. It's one of those films that take you back to the time when you first saw it - when values and entertainment were different. I understand how the 'now' generation would write this off - they compare it to what's on offer today. So, remember it was the 80's and enjoy it for the music, the innuendo's and costumes! Even better - try and download the lyrics from the website, get a group of people together and have a sing-a-long viewing - you could do a lot worse and trust me you'll have a good time, even if you don't want to admit it!
10.5 (2004)
more cracks and pot holes than an earthquake could cause!
Take one really bad idea, add a group of actors that should know better, a pinch of insipid drama, mix a bit of "God Bless America" and wrap it all up with shockingly bad camera work and there you have it - the worst tele-movie ever to shake our screens. And another thing - why do all these bad disaster films have the same plot? I mean, a group of so called professionals who are grouped together for their intellect and education working for the authority on whatever disaster they face, have to battle each other and an arrogant know-it-all boss who refuses to acknowledge the opinion of his team? Until it's too late of course. Then that same boss becomes the hero by "taking one for the team" - give us a break! Factor in a sub-plot of a dysfunctional family with a precocious kid who hates their parents and there you have every other so called suspense film made in the last 20 plus years. If you really want to add pain to the viewing experience, wait for it to come out on free to air TV - then you'll know what the 10.5 means - 10 minutes of movie and 5 minutes of commercials, 10 minutes of movie.......
Zoya (1995)
Wait for a rainy day and put the kettle on!
For what appears to me, at first to be yet another mass-produced, made for television romantic schmuck-fest, this film is quite entertaining and educational. Not too sure about Melissa Gilbert's accent but her acting certainly makes up for it. Packed full of tragedy, I can imagine this would appeal to the midday watchers who like a good early afternoon weep. It does however beg the question - how much death and disorder can one woman cope with in her life and still remain sane? The filming locations are superb especially Leningrad and it's one of those stories that make you want to learn more about this period in history - the Russian Revolution. Although it cannot compare with the superior "Nicholas and Alexandra", it nonetheless compliments the era and provides a very entertaining few hours. The shot of the Aeroflot IL-86 in the old Soviet Airlines livery is well worth the wait for aviation nerds too! I think it's a good rainy afternoon film and worth having in your collection.
Go Trabi Go (1991)
It doubles as a Trabant Owners Manual- True!
As a Trabi owner I love this film simply because I can relate to the adventure of driving one - there is never a dull day when you drive a Trabant! This car is destined to be a classic and so is this film - a real 1980's style (although made in 1991) road trip and just goes to show that not everything from the former DDR has be resigned to a sad and ungracious end! But the best part is that it's all true! I have even had to shake the car (the scene on the beach) - try and guess for what reason! Enjoy - at the end of the day it's about a family - and that includes their Trabi! Car lovers as well as Cold War historians will enjoy the film from a documentary angle - others simply because it's funny!
The Aviary (2005)
I know they do things differently in America but......
This movie found its way into the Flight Attendant lounge yesterday where a group of airport stand-by crew sat and watched it - in disbelief! Do US crew really go drinking and sightseeing in their uniforms? Steal miniature bottles from the aircraft? Smuggle in dope? I'm sorry but we were dumbfounded how poorly this portrayed life of honest hard working crew. I must admit that it did reflect the chaos of airline crew - hotels, back of the clock, one city looks like another etc. but the consensus was that if this is a reflection of some airline crew it is certainly NOT an accurate commentary of all. Enjoy but take it with a pinch of (pre-packaged) salt!
Spider & Rose (1994)
simple. unpretentious and warm
A very warm and lovely film set in the beautiful countryside of New South Wales, Australia. Sometimes a film has such a simple message to convey that it doesn't need a multi-million dollar budget to get it across. This is the attraction of Spider And Rose - the Australians have such a knack at making films that are honest and ordinary but the result is spectacular in its simplicity. Two people from different worlds come together and touch each others lives - the message is clear, the result uplifting and you'll be glad you invested the time to watch. Maybe there's a bit of Rose in all of us - for me, I hope I find out before it's too late! PS - if this film doesn't give you the desire to hit the road one day - watch it again!
The Martian Chronicles (1980)
The only thing thinner than the oxygen on Mars is this production.
This film is too bad to be even be considered 'schlock'. The main storyline shows promise and originality but is severely corrupted by long, boring and irrelevant sub-plots. Granted that this was the late '70's, but the special effects are childish at best - and keep in mind that this decade also produced Star Wars. The only saving grace is the 'message' - but sadly, its impact is overshadowed by a bad production. At the end of this film you will be at one of two opinions; "must buy the book because the plot is so original and they just ruined it by a bad film" -or- "I never did really understand the '70's!" Enjoy the very, very few good parts and forget the rest.
Airport 1975 (1974)
A real airline disaster hall-of-famer
How can you not like this ride? After all, so many other pictures have been spawned from its storyline, dialogue and quotes. So much technically wrong in it that it doesn't matter - it's a hoot! And was it really the beginning of the end for Karen Black? I'm ready to book my ticket aboard Columbia 409 again and again - the costumes, the trite script but what really makes the movie is the superb aerial photography. Although every modern professional Air Crew member would cringe at the (far too often portrayed) Pilot = Hero who saves the day and Flight Attendant = Bimbo who makes Tea formula of this film, it is nonetheless well worth adding to any collection! But the real question is - what was Gloria Swanson doing with her head down her top as they approached Salt Lake City? - By the way this was her last film and she insisted on writing her own lines - and it shows! Enjoy 10/10
The Survivor (1981)
good viewing for its time
Produced by the South Australian Film Corporation and filmed on location in Adelaide, The Survivor in many ways foretells the Lockerbie disaster many years before that tragic event. The film was a huge commitment at the time - a full scale 747 was made at a local car manufacturing plant and transported to the 'crash site'. I remember visiting the set after the shoot - it was still littered with suitcases, seats, clothes and the engines were windmilling in the breeze. The haunting music makes the film, similar to Picnic At Hanging Rock, the actors believable, the cinematography honest and the storyline compelling if a little slow. Take it for what was cutting edge at the time for a small film studio and you have an enjoyable slightly disturbing thriller. Take time and watch other productions by the SAFC - they're a refreshing change from the big studios mass produced entertainment.