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Nomadland (2020)
DREARY, DISMAL, BORING, DISJOINTED, YUCCCCHH!!!
This thing won an Oscar and had the Cannes award for one reason only -- its extreme PRETENTIOUS ARTSINESS appeals to the Perrier-swilling la-dee-dahs that make up the judging panels of these venues. It tries to scream "Hey look at me, I'm such a deep and cool and avant-garde movie, you too can be deep and cool and avant-garde by identifying with this garbage." It's really nothing but a depressing hour and a half look into the lives of misfits and dysfunctional people who just want to wallow in their misery or bad luck, and won't do anything to pull themselves out of it. Just constantly feeling sorry for themselves, or enjoying their rotten luck like the masochists they are. God forbid they should just pick themselves up and get on with things, no, they have to constantly pick at scabs and let their dreariness refresh itself endlessly. This is one of those toxic movies that make you feel like crap when it's over, you feel like you've been poisoned and you want that hour and a half of your life back, you wish you never watched it. Like when the main character turns her back on a nice home and a relationship, and a family, and chooses to sleep in her filthy camper on her filthy mattress --- well, more power to you, but too many people like her is why my heart doesn't bleed anymore for a large proportion of the "homeless", that part that chooses that lifestyle.
Gold Rush: Dave Turin's Lost Mine (2019)
This Is NOT Crap --- That Would Be An Insult To Crap.
OMG, could TV show producers seem any more desperate to milk every last ounce of footage out of a franchise that's already been beaten to death? This reeks of unmistakable phoniness, you can see the nonstop scripted (very poor) acting that tries desperately to be "reality" programming. Idiotic and vapid storyline, mind-numbingly-stupid plot twists, with poor Dave looking hither and yon for something decent to mine.
SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!! After about an hour of watching this dreary, oddly-draining, pointless drivel, you'll want to stab yourself in the eyes so you can't watch anymore. And then run out and deliberately try to catch the coronavirus so you can have a swift death with at least *some* dignity.
Bless This Mess (2019)
Oh, I Can't Watch This Garbage Anymore.......
I had high hopes for this show when I came across the pilot, and was looking forward to many episodes to come. Then came episode 2. Then 3. I realized that the forbearance I gave the pilot in its occasional lameness turned out to be chronic. By mid-episode 4, I couldn't take this utterly unfunny stupidity any more and turned it off, deleting it forever from my Hulu queue.
Dax Shepard is the only thing watchable in this, indeed, "mess", as Lake Bell doesn't know when to rein in her utter-imbecile shtick. The rest of the cast is nothing but a bunch of extremely annoying morons. None of the behavior is in the least credible, therefore it is not in any way humorous to anyone with an IQ above 62.
I fault the writers of this crap, they obviously are Stuck on Stupid and have no genuinely funny material in their shockingly incompetent heads. Everything is repugnantly low-brow slapstick, only the morons could come out of the woodwork and call this "funny" and give it any rating above a 3. It really looks like they aimed this show at children, and not very bright ones at that.
Once again, network television proves that for some reason, it can't come up with anything decent at all. Everything is dumbed-down to appeal to the stupidest people among us. When Netflix, HBO and other sources can come up with the incredibly brilliant series that they do, sheer crap like this is all the more disgusting and abominable. I think not since Petticoat Junction have I seen anything so relentlessly imbecilic. Shame on ABC for spreading this garbage on us.
Dax, fire the writers and get someone decent, your appreciable talent and appeal is utterly lost here, you deserve far better than this s**t.
Bad Santa 2 (2016)
Vulgar Beyond Belief, Stupid and a Waste of Time
I have no problem with foul language, but in this case, this sorry excuse for a movie seems to be nothing but a vehicle to see how many times they can say f-this, f-that, f-you. It's not at all an exaggeration to say that they can't go more than 60 seconds without some kind of expletive. However, constant swearing does not a movie make, especially when most of it is uncalled for. It just makes it all very boring and tedious. Unfunny, stupid, the writers obviously had nothing. It was painful to watch, and endlessly disgusting. Unless you live in a trailer and think that's just great, save yourself and don't bother watching this utter garbage.
In a Lonely Place (1950)
8.0? Are You Kidding Me??
Sorry, this is a stupid, abysmal, pointless piece of trash, grueling and painful to watch. The whole premise is so strained, that Bogart is this out-of-control lunatic who'll beat the crap out of anybody who looks at him cross-eyed. In the real world, he would have been jailed for years or sued for everything he owns. Even the biggest a-holes around don't act like this phony hothead. Don't listen to the fawning top-rating reviewers, Bogart is at possibly his worst in this. He can't credibly transition from normal, calm behavior into the explosive temperament of his character without looking like a third-rate wooden actor. And all the others are not credible, either. It's all bad acting, bad script, bad directing. Another waste of time caused only by the jerks who encourage you to watch this horribly dated trash because they hand out 9's and 10's like they were water. Trust me, you'll feel like you just wasted 90 minutes of your life in watching this pointless, idiotic drivel.
Phantom Thread (2017)
Save Yourself Before It's Too Late!!
Running out of movies to watch that are rated over 7, I gave this one a try due to its 7.5. About 15 minutes into it, I had the sneaking suspicion that once again I'd been had, with people with some financial interest in the movie giving all the gushing reviews. I was finding myself becoming physically sick, subconsciously reacting to the utter dreariness of what was unfolding on the screen.
Putting this dreck-masquerading-as-art on pause, I went back to IMDB. As I have learned to do in such cases, I started to read all the 1-star reviews. These tend to be from people who've learned to cut through the hype. Yep, they confirmed my suspicions spot on, 100%. I stuck with the movie as long as I did hoping it would pull itself out of the pompous pit of self-importance I could see it was embracing, only to be forewarned, mercifully, by others who stuck it out to the incredibly bitter end, that nope, it doesn't get any better.
Save yourself and watch something that won't drain you, bore you, depress you, and leave you less of a person than when you started. For that's what this utter abomination will do to you, trust me.
Gold Rush: Smoked Out (2018)
Going Downhill, Fast
The series seems to be approaching its sell-by date. It's getting boring, repetitious, and dull after the departure of its resident rodeo clown, Todd Hoffman. The producers are down to Parker, Rick Ness, and Tony Beets, with nobody else apparently available or who wants to be followed around by a film crew. And I'm so sick of looking at nasty, money-grubbing and twisted Tony Beets and his wife, and the rest of their outfit, that I just fast-forward through his parts. I may abandon watching any more of this series, it's getting so dull.
The Americans: Dead Hand (2018)
Garbage, pure garbage
I got so sick of being forced to listen to the idiotic "soundtrack" to this episode, which at times blared over the actors' dialogue, other times went on and on and on pointlessly while the actors just broodingly stared into space like they were ruminating on Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
I normally very much enjoy this otherwise superb series, even though I hate the whole Paige sideshow and her Polyanna religious fanatic schtick. But this introduction to Season 6 falls flat on its face, making a critical observer wonder whoever hired the idiot music director and who allowed him to create what is nothing more than a pointless and utterly imbecilic mix tape to serve as the audio for this episode. Crowded House and Fleetwood Mac were fantastic groups in the '80's, but their songs inserted here (at full volume, no less) have no relevance to the episode any more than would inserting a scene with pigs flying by. I fear for the rest of the season, if it's turned to crap so severely, that usually means that the series will soon be coming to an abrupt end, as the writers have exhausted their ideas. And usually, as with the end of Sons of Anarchy or Bloodline, by that time, the thing has gotten *so* bad that we're honestly and truly happy to see it go.
Detroiters (2017)
An Utter Disgrace to a Great American City
As an ex-Detroiter, I was really looking forward to another hopefully entertaining series showcasing my old hometown. Another "Hung", I was hoping for. I'd even take a "Detroit 1-8-7", despite the dreariness and negative bias of that particular series.
Instead, I was appalled to see this incredibly stupid, stupid, STUPID, lame video, possibly one of the most imbecilic things I've ever seen on TV. Completely devoid of any humor, it's just a bunch of idiots acting like, well, idiots. Some of the most talentless and uninspired writing I've ever seen in my entire life. The writers got nothing, and it really shows.
Sam Richardson is such an obnoxious, worthless actor, it's literally painful to suffer watching his idiotic behavior that he thinks is funny. There's nothing funny about it, it's just plain stupid.
Where did this moron come from? Where did they find him? And why was he cast? OH, I KNOW, he and his moron sidekick Tim Robinson wrote this revolting garbage and cast themselves as its stars!
For instance, we're supposed to watch the two main idiots play basketball inside their office, risking destroying everything in sight, and this is supposed to be funny? Oh, and it gets even worse ...... apparently completely ignorant of the invention of tempered glass, one of the main idiots is astonished when a glass window in his office doesn't break when something was accidentally thrown at it.
They then proceed to throw everything in the office that isn't nailed down at said glass window, laughing hysterically all the while as the glass continues to resist breaking. Of course, they destroy everything in the office in the process. Oh, my God, this is so funny, what cleverness, what talent, what... what.... what mind-numbing, utterly obscene levels of moronic incompetence at writing and directing and acting and everything else that went into this abomination.
Thanks, Jason Sudeikis, for showing up in the first episode and I guess trying to give it a head start. But you shouldn't have bothered, you and a dozen more genuinely funny and talented comedians couldn't save this utterly unwatchable train wreck of a series.
What fool put up his soon-to-be-parted-with money to finance this completely worthless and thoroughly repulsive idiocy??
Eye in the Sky (2015)
Absolutely Sickening Anti-Western Propaganda!!
This is perhaps the most infuriatingly insipid film I've seen in years. It glorifies a bunch of twisted Pollyanna crybabies whose values are so warped, that they'd allow potentially hundreds of innocent people to die just so (metaphorically speaking) this cute little puppy that's in the way doesn't get hurt. In telling its sickeningly perverted story, the producers manage to make the West the bad guys and gloss over the barbarities of the terrorists, if not even make the terrorists the heroes of this filth. One can only pray that the real people who are responsible for our safety have some testicles instead of these teary-eyed freaks that can't seem to shoot a water pistol without breaking down sobbing. An incredible low point for Aaron Paul's career, he should be ashamed to allow himself to portray such an unmitigated wimp. I truly, truly hope that all responsible for producing this garbage get treated to the thank-you's of Al-Shabaab some day.
The Purge (2013)
The Director and Producer Should Be Given The Death Penalty
The Hollywood scumballs responsible for this absurd, repulsive garbage and the idiotic dialog and script need to be the very first victims of an actual Purge. They need to be prevented from ever making another abomination of a movie like this. I am getting so go****ed sick of so many unwatchable, childish, just criminally stupid and cheap flicks being made these days, will somebody please take these a-holes out and make society better? Thank you. Oh, I see IMDb needs more lines of text, so here, this movie is trash, repulsive, stupid, disgusting, annoying like few movies have ever been, idiotic, ridiculous, a waste of time, watch it and your IQ will drop 50 points, they need laws against film trash like this, is this enough lines, IMDb??
The Bourne Legacy (2012)
The Bourne Abomination
One of the worst movies I've seen in a long time, nothing but a bunch of nasty people yelling at each other, interrupted by mindless and endless chase scenes. This talentless director thought he was so wonderful, he'd write the thing too! Only goes to show that he is a total moron, incapable of delivering a quality flick. If you have an IQ over 50, you'll want the 2+ hours of your life back. If it's under 50, you'll be one of the losers who thought this movie was "really great, man!". I don't know why IMDb demands 10 lines of text, one can only say a movie is a total piece of garbage so many times. Dreck. Crap. Waste of time. Gack. Run, don't walk from this *extremely* annoying movie. Director should be held hostage by the Islamic Jihad and then beheaded. I hope I've made my opinions clear. 10 lines yet??
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)
Awful Beyond All Human Comprehension
Don't listen to all the hopeless Polyannas who thought they got something deep and meaningful from this hideous piece of dreck. The ones who hated it and gave it 1 star nailed it! To be concise, this flick is boring, boring, boring, and horrifyingly so, tedious, stupid, annoying, lame, mind-numbingly awful, slow, trite, gack, gack, gack, it's been a while since I've hated a movie this bad. I started fast-forwarding through it when I saw here was yet another scene where two characters were just going to deadpan yack-yack-yack at each other for God knows how long. I want to get my Saturday night and almost two hours of my life back! Run, run from this movie, it will putrify your brain with its idiocy!!!!