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Reviews
Enemy at the Gates (2001)
Pretty average overall, waste of a great set
Being a bit of a history buff I had high hopes for this movie but it let me down, it was just average on almost every level.
The first 15 minutes or so is actually fairly eye opening, but the film doesn't kick on from there and slowly gets more dull as it progresses.
The set is spectacular, but that's the end of the good news. The script felt like it was written in a day, it's completely void of wit and is barely insightful, I could've been watching a bad TV movie. The acting suffers as a result and none of the main cast shines, Ed Harris especially was wasted his character is badly developed and despite being the main bad guy we know almost nothing about him.
The soundtrack is disappointingly dull and forgettable, the only up side is it is numbingly sappy so it fits in with the rest of the movie.
So that's it, a blown opportunity to tell a great story about Stalingrad, Enemy At The Gates is ordinary from start to finish.
Seven Years in Tibet (1997)
Interesting premise, let down by everything else
This had the foundations to be something truly special. An Austrian mountain climber leaves a dying marriage to explore the Himalayas in British India, but with the onset of World War II is forced to flea through inhospitable terrain to Tibet where he is befriended by a doomed world leader.
Fantastic, how could such a unique and complex plot go wrong? Well believe me, they found a way.
10 minutes into the movie and I'd already given up on the script, it was dull from the first line and barely improved after that, no point waiting for a witty or insightful remark because it isn't coming.
Then there was the editing. Seemingly important scenes are over in a heartbeat while pointless scenes are dragged out. Moments that seem like big twists are immediately and coincidently reversed just 5 seconds later, it's all a bit of a mess. The film never really flows, it limps along, takes a sudden leap, then limps again.
Brad Pitt isn't too bad but the supporting cast is pretty hopeless, the acting quality would barely compete with a daytime soap opera, and the elevator music soundtrack just makes thing worse.
If you like a bit of culture and funky scenery then it might be worth a look, but otherwise Seven Years in Tibet will feel like seven years in solitary confinement.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Biggest disappointment in the history of film
Star Wars. The most successful, most loved and most talked about movie franchise of all time ended in 1983. For decades after the millions of loyal fans went nowhere, still completely swept up in the now dormant Star Wars world. Then one day, like a flash of heavenly lightning, there is an announcement, Star Wars is back! People all over the world rejoiced, looked up at the sky with teary eyes and kissed the ground they walked on as they heard the news. It was a wonderful day to be alive.
The build-up was unprecedented. Three long years the world waited impatiently for what seemed too good to imagine, it was a miracle, it was the second coming of Jesus, it was by far the most anticipated film of all time. Three years of production, sixteen years of ideas, this was bound to be the greatest movie ever seen.
And what did we get? Garbage. The most anticipated movie in history turned out to be also one of the worst, it was genuinely terrible.
It was so devastating many fans not only lost faith in Star Wars, but in movies themselves. It finally proved life wasn't fair, there was no justice in the world, you're beloved family would turn on you and chop your head off. It was cinematic apocalypse.
I saw this movie on the 31st of December 1999, and at the countdown to midnight I was hoping the Y2K Bug rumors were true so this tragedy and all evidence that remained could be erased from history forever.
The world stared blankly ahead in horror, there is no god.
Waterloo (1970)
This Was Napoleon
Fiction just doesn't cut it with history, history has forever told wilder stories than fiction, Napoleon's remarkable journey is exhibit A.
The title says it all, it's about the battle of Waterloo and little else. Extra's by the tens of thousands leave you with no mystery of just how massive this battle really was, it's an ode to pre-CGI cinema and what we are missing out on today. It is truly is spectacular. I'm amazed they even attempted to pull it off.
Historical accuracy when it comes to the order of battle is pretty damn close, however the terrain used for the film isn't as close as it could've been, add to that the fact that the ground was dusty and dry during filming, whereas in reality it was wet and soggy. A small error that the producers had no choice but to compromise.
Plummer is excellent as arrogant and aristocratic Wellington and steals every scene he's in. Steiger is convincing enough as Napoleon but Plummer gets the gold medal in this movie.
The battle sequences are really something to behold, but the rest of the movie is fairly by-the-book. Overall it's a very solid account of the Battle of Waterloo and it's short build-up.
The Micallef Program (1998)
Attention to detail on randomness
The humor on this show is like nothing I've seen before or since, it's almost impossible to describe without inventing new words, but I'm going to try anyway.
Probably the best way to describe it is a massive joke, it not just one level of jokes but multiple levels of jokes simultaneously on every level from the most blatant to the most microscopic. There's Micallef telling jokes about jokes as more jokes go on in the background. As a result you get a show that seems on the surface almost completely random and meaningless, yet somehow extremely well structured.
The attention to detail of the randomness is almost too much to take in. For example, a courtroom scene. It opens with Micallef (the lawyer) standing on his head as he examines some evidence, meanwhile in the background the jury are all wearing cricket pads, it cuts to the corridor where a colleague has been shot and Micallef tastes his blood, then Micallef wrestles the gun of an escaped convict and then uses it to demand the judge strip off all his clothes for no apparent reason.
On paper it sound completely ridiculous and on screen it's no different, but somehow it works and you find yourself laughing the whole way through. That's this shows, very odd, appeal.
Give it a chance it's hilariously weird.
What About Bob? (1991)
Dreyfuss' movie more than Murray's
For starters this movie is so funny I was convinced I was having a heart-attack, but that's not the point I'm going to make.
Murray makes this movie funny, but Dreyfuss makes it hilarious. At the beginning Bob is the crazy one, but slowly the tables are turned and Dreyfuss becomes the crazy one. Dreyfuss aces the role of a completely sane guy descending into madness and his tantrums are gold.
I've seen this movie a few times, first time I laughed at Murray most, the second time Dreyfuss. Apparently the two didn't get along on set, but on screen the chemistry is almost perfect.
Bit of trivia to finish off, I read a book on psychology not long ago and it specifically references this movie to being a guide for teaching depressed people on how to change, using Bob as a model patient.
Memphis Belle (1990)
Finest air-war movie to date
If you want to know what it was like as crew member aboard a bomber during World War II, forget the History Channel, just watch this, it will suck you straight through your TV screen.
Top Gun is for teenagers, this is for everyone else.
The highlight of this movie is probably the cinematography, the air scenes are made using models but damned if I can tell, every last aircraft, every last tracer shot, every last engine fire, it's almost perfect. Not for a minute do you think you're watching anything other than the real thing in 1943.
But that's just the beginning. The soundtrack gave me goose-pimples that wouldn't go away no matter how much I rubbed my arm, and it suits the movie like fireworks suit Metallica.
Those two things alone would win me over, but there's more. The crew is close to a dozen, it's a big cast with no real central character, it's a genuine team effort and it's the team that wins you over, you want every single one to get home safe, even the ones you don't like much. Character development is superb.
The script is witty and solid, but nothing is said that doesn't need to be said. Directing is also strong.
This movie won me over before they even left the ground, and it just got better and better after that.
One of the better World War II movies, and one of the best aircraft movies ever made, but even if you care about neither, you probably will a little more after watching Memphis Belle.