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K-9000 (1990 TV Movie)
6/10
An okay TV movie ***SPOILERS AHEAD!***
5 December 2004
Warning: Spoilers
***WARNING: CONTAINS MANY SPOILERS!***

When this movie starts out it seems like it will be a bad "Lethal Weapon" rip-off, even down to the haircuts of the two police officers, then the opening credits appear in that early 1980's sci-fi font (the one still used to write your bank account and routing number on the bottom of your checks) and you start to get an idea of what you're in for. The "Mel Gibson" character, Eddie Monroe, complains that "machines hate him" as he repeatedly tries to use vending machines and they fail to work properly, that's even his response when the captain is curious why he crashed his car through the front window of a Beverly Hills boutique chasing some robbers.

Soon enough, though, some ex-Government agents break into a research lab and steal a proto-type cybernetic dog hybrid, K-9000. K-9000 is a dog with a computer in its brain that can talk to humans with an implant in their heads. The dog is still in an incubator and won't be ready for another day or so. The ex-Government agents apparently working for some foreign power steal all of the equipment for this and kill all of the half dozen people in the building except the head scientist on this project, Aja Turner (an "80's hot" blonde), who manages to escape during the theft and happens to recognize the head of this band of mercenary thieves.

After being put on parking ticket duty for a day for the $280,000 in damages of smashing his car in the clothing store, Monroe and his partner are assigned the case. Monroe manages to find Dr. Turner, and she knows a good place for the bad guys to have set up shop. Luckily she's right. Turner calls his partner for back-up, then he and Dr. Turner proceed to break in. Turner's partner is overheard on the phone by the bad guys inside-man in the police station and is promptly shot on exiting the station. The bad guys are then alerted to the fact Monroe and Turner are in the building. They manage to lock themselves in the room with the dog just as it's hatching fully grown, while the bad guys begin breaking down the door. But wait! The dog needs it's "umbilical cord" to detach from the machine in a few minutes before it can leave. Monroe has Dr. Turner leave out another exit while he waits for the dog and destroys the machines for her (to keep them out of the bad guys hands). Monroe inadvertently causes the machine to put the implant in his. Now he unknowingly can hear K-9000 speak. Meanwhile the aforementioned bad guys are breaking down the door with axes and gain entry just in time to see Monroe writhing on the floor in pain. K-9000 (or "Niner") attacks the bad guys and whisks Monroe out the window into the ocean.

The rest of the movie involves Monroe and K-9000 rescuing Dr. Turner from the bad guys after the capture her and bringing them to justice/killing them. It's a decent made of TV movie was probably intended as pilot to set up a series that never happened. It's filled with plot holes and touches the fringes of camp, but all in all is worth watching if you catch it on TV some Sunday afternoon.

Three out of five face-huggers!
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10/10
My favorite movie within a TV show
12 September 2004
The premise of this feature is you're watching an "Unsolved Mysteries" or "Sightings" type TV show (only a lower caliber). They are airing a tape that has been found in a meteor crater labeled "From Future." The titular "Movie from the Future." The host of the show and various talking heads interrupt periodically to debate points such as where did this tape come from, what does it mean, is this a bad hoax, etc. The rest of the time you are treated to what amounts to a made-for-TV movie from beyond time. The plot revolves around Bonnie Johnson returning home to Earth during a semester break from college with her blue-nose alien beau Golonzo Arkanoid, Bonnie's father's disapproval, Golonzo's plan to conquer the Earth, the government robots tracking Golonzo, Bonnie's brother Armand and his dopey roommates (one of whom clones himself in a scheme to start selling clones... of himself), and much too much more to mention. It's chocked full of great moments of what the future could be like. Personally my favorite bit is the TV sitcom they watch in the future. This is a great low-budget/comedy/sci-fi/horror movie. A definite must see for people who love that genre! If you've seen any other Amazing Schlock films (especially "Hey, Stop Stabbing Me!") you'll know what kind of inspired wackiness to expect. If you haven't, you should really check it out. It's not a good as "Aliens," but I'm still going to give it five out of five face-huggers!
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Not as good as the title would imply!
29 August 2003
First off, this was not the worst of the Slumber Party Massacre film. The second one with Crystal Bernard was. Secondly, that being said, if you don't have anyone around to make fun of the film with while you're watching it, there's no point in seeing it. It's still a really bad film, just not as bad as Slumber Party Massacre II.

There's plenty of blame to share. It's got bad writing, bad acting, and horrible special effects(the Driller Killer's drill is only on about half the time). You'll want to (all probably will) scream at the people on the screen as they do some of the stupid things imaginable (such as stand around in the living room and kitchen, while they watch their friend get molested and killed in the dining room between them). But you just have to expect stupid things when you're watching a movie about a bunch of 35 year old high school students. On the plus side, the killer's identity is a real surprise (unless you look at the back of the DVD case), on the negative side, the killer's motivation is pretty shakey, thus making it surprising he's the killer. As a bonus you get to see the only police force that refuses to believe or investigate what-so-ever reports of murder or stalking.

5 out of 18 stars
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