CTS-1

Let's be honest: nobody comes to "The Neighbors" as a Tommy Wiseau virgin. People come to "The Neighbors" because they have seen "The Room," and, because they feel an innate need to be punished and can't afford to have a really attractive person do it for them, they want more.

Well, it has everything you would want. Tommy Wiseau plays several characters- badly. Especially off-putting is his attempt to play an "all-American boy" about 1/3 his real age. The other performances vary from incompetent, to lazy, to "just mailing it in," although an all-time list of best acting talent ever couldn't make anything out of the writing.

And what the Hell is going on with those bizarre bumpers between scenes? Also: every single scene feels like one of the "acting" scenes in a porn film. It takes rare anti-talent to do that. Contributing to that vibe is the single-camera shots with no POV cuts, combined with sets that scream "dollar store." Or the number of times that the scenes really do involve sleazy attempts by one character to get it on with another, but done in such a robotic way as to be off-putting. Or the pizza delivery guy who takes his shirt off for no apparent reason.

Okay, here's the game for viewing "The Neighbors": load up every bad porn film plot trope on "bingo" cards, and hand them out before watching three episodes. Wiseau uses them all! Oh, and people yell a lot.

See it with your friends that you took to see "The Room," and were still your friends after the experience.

At first, this brain-damaged hatchet job seems like an example of Poe's Law gone way too far. It is so outrageous that even most reasonable Republicans walk away in disgust, secretly hoping that this is either a failed parody/satire, or even better, an action by a Democrat Agent Provocateur type designed to make everyone to the right of Obama look like a lunatic.

But, instead, it is the work of a conspiracy theorist, and has been adopted by the "Obama is a secret Muslim/Communist" crowd. Every time a so-called conservative cites to this trash with approval, intelligent conservatives should hang their heads in shame, or better yet, take conservatism back from these imbeciles.

For those who are criticizing the GOP as "the party of stupid," they can point to this as Exhibit A.

Those who talk about the lush cinematography, well-blocked fight scenes, and other visual details of this film are correct. Visually, it is a stunning film.

However, this is a pretty film with a deeply suspicious message at its center. The Emperor, who conducts offensive wars of genocide against neighbor kingdoms in the name of unity, and rules his own populace with cruelty and an iron hand in the name of order, has all of his actions rationalized and even glorified. The Emperor is also an unapologetic nationalist. In other words: having the streets run red with the blood of innocents is perfectly acceptable, even noble, as long as it is done in the name of unity and order.

It is probably no coincidence that a highly authoritarian government noted for brutal crackdowns on dissent and offensive wars against neighbor states in the name of "unity" (like Tibet) financed a film that glorifies its most egregious behavior. Unlike so many in the West, this insidious message was no doubt not lost in Tibet or Taipei.