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jasonspooner
Reviews
Baise-moi (2000)
If you want a good film watch"Thelma & Louise, if you want good porn watch "Deep Throat"
This is a fairly mediocre porn film dressed up as art. Extremely violent, and border line hardcore. Stanley Kubrick talked for years about wanting to make a porn film for mainstream audiences, but I doubt even he could have got this past the censors.
The plot(which has been likened to Thelma and Louise) concerns two french girls who go on a sex and murder spree after falling foul of a couple of degenerates. They are fairly indiscriminate with thier victims, both male and female. The film basically moves from one set piece to another; sex-murder, sex-murder, and thats it.
I know people will say i`m missing the point, that it`s about female empowerment, but I would have thought you could tell that story more effectivly if the film had less T+A. I don`t want to sound xenaphobic, but I wonder if this film would have got past the censor, if it had starred someone such as Tabitha Cash, rather then being a franch "art film"
Dracula 2000 (2000)
He doesn`t bite, he sucks!
This must be the most awful Dracula film ever(and that includes"Zoltan hound of Dracula"). It really is terrible, Gerard Butler is the least scary Dracula ever, he`s got this wierd "Dick Emery"comedy style overbite. It comes to something when you think Dracula has scary teeth, and you don`t mean his fangs!
The film must be unique in managing to make New Orleans seem boring, it could have been set in Swindon and had more atmosphere.
As far as the acting in concerned-remember that scene in "Austin Powers international man of mystery" when he can`t control the sound of his voice during the thawing process, well that seems to be what Johny Lee Miller is going for(mind you perhaps the director was telling him to remember that he used to be married to Angelina Jolie in order to get some sort of emotional reaction)
Anyway as far as I can tell the film only has 3 things going for it, a better then the film deserves performance from Christopher Plummer, and Geri Ryan`s breasts. The soundtrack`s quite good too.
So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
an absolute "Bobby Dazzler"
This film is an absolute corker, let down only by a ".......we`ve gotta have an Axe Murderer in it if we`re going to call it that....." said the studio executive, tacked on endng. This film features some brilliant comedy set-pieces including Phil Hartman (you may remember him from such films as "Sergeant Bilko") as Warden "Vicki" and Michael Richards.
Mike Myers is funny in dual roles and Anthoney LaPaglia is great(especially when complaining to Alan Arkin about his job as Police Detective.
Incidently the film was allegedly developed for Chevy Chase & Sharon Stone.
Inferno in diretta (1984)
if memory serves
This film was released in the U.K. in 1986 on the(now defunct) medusa label. As I remember it had a Colonel Kurtz style performance from Richard Lynch, as well as good performances from Karen Black and Lisa Blount. I dont remember much except the video sleeve featured a menacing looking Michael Berryman; something of a video superstar at the time(you might remember him from such films as Hills Have Eyes 1+2, Armed Response and Deadly Bleesing). It was also rumoured to have been developed as a sequel to Cannibal. Not much of a review I know but thats all I can remember.
Zombi 2 (1979)
the most beautiful horror film ever?
Just to start let me say I am big Fulci fan, but I hope that doesnt mean I cant be objective. Whilst I cant deny i`ve enjoyed his bad films, I sincerely believe "Zombie Flesheaters" is a classic. I know it is bereft of many of the devices that make a horror/thriller scary(dramatic build-up/music/tension). I just think its like a filmic nightmare evocative of anything from H.P.Lovecraft to Lewis Carroll.
I know this won`t convert non-believers but I think this film conjures up the cinematic version of a bad-dream a lot more "realistically" then Wes Cravens classic`Nightmare on Elm Street.
Well thats it then, but if you want more tangible reasons for its greatness how about this; In an alternate Universe Richard Johnson as Dr Menard could be Sean Connery, and for a low budget film the scene where the underwater Zombie attacks the Shark is a fantastic fantasy setpiece yet to be rivalled in any big-budget Hollywood blockbuster