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Reviews
Galaxy Quest (1999)
A perfect model of what a spoof should be!
RED ALERT! SPOILERS AHEAD!
OK, folks, let's be blunt. We all know just how cheesy the old Star Trek series was, what with its plywood sets, household appliance props, cheap makeup, and miserable overacting. We all know that Shatner, Nimoy, the late Kelley, and the rest of the cast simply rode the Trek horse until it could be ridden no more, and have been making money for what they once were for decades. Now, it is about time that an effective spoof of this was created! Galaxy Quest delivers a beautiful one.
Basically, the old 80s show Galaxy Quest has been airing reruns since it was cancelled, and its stars have been making a living only by doing conventions, autographs, and publicities. The actors don't get along with each other very well, and none of them particularly likes their "captain" (Tim Allen). This is parallel to Star Trek in almost every manner. Everything is perfect! The alien science officer (Alexander Dane) is a British Shakespearean actor who continually bemoans the fact that this show ruined his legitimate career. The chief engineer (Tony Shalhoub) is now burned out. The chick (Sigourney Weaver), whose only real job on the show was to repeat the computer, grumbles about the fact that all she was there for were her boobs. It sounds exactly like your basic low-budget series, but twisted out of proportion. The Quest nerds are all identical to real sci-fi nuts, quoting episodes from memory, dressing up in costumes, and asking detailed questions about technical science (fictional science, that is) discrepancies.
This is where the big ugly spoilers are. Don't read the rest if you want to be surprised. A bunch of aliens have been receiving the broadcasts of Galaxy Quest, and they have naively believed them to be historical documents of an alien culture. They have now based their entire society upon the "example" that Quest has set for them, down to the uniforms, ships, and food. They now need the "crew"'s help to defeat a powerful villain, and ask the actors to come with them. Not entirely understanding, the actors take it to be a gig, and, not knowing when their next paying job will be, accept. They soon realize that they are actually in space, on board a perfect replica of the show's ship. The hilarity that ensues is incredible. They attempt to explain television shows to the aliens by asking about Gilligan's Island. The response is, "Oh, those poor people!" It's just a good spoof, right down to the extra who has no name, and is killed in the first five minutes just to add tension. (Of course, he's paranoid that he'll get it for real now that the show is real, and spends the entire movie trying to avoid danger). If you are a true Trekker, you will laugh until you pass out at this film. If not, you will still laugh for a good long while. It's a genuinely excellent spoof!
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Horribly overrated
I can't quite get what it is that people see in this movie. No matter where I go, there's always someone there who's in love with it. But for the special effects and Liam Neeson (the only one who was worth his shirt acting), the movie was worthless. All it is is a stage setting for the next two episodes, and from the looks of Episode II, neither of them will be much good either. Lucas should've stuck with Indiana Jones. All four Star Wars movies have been overrated as quality film, when Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi were the only decent ones.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993)
Score one home team! TOS, TNG, VOY, eat your heart out!
YES! This is a 7-year thrill ride that takes advantage of every missed opportunity in Star Trek history, ending up as a complete success and the single best science fiction series of all time! No more plywood sets and homemade special effects, no more sacrifice of plot and script for the sake of makeup and costumes, and no more bad acting (thank you, God!)!
Deep Space Nine, the third installment in the Star Trek saga, is a major departure from the first two and its successor. It does not have the goody-goody warm and fuzzy feeling that makes people sick in the other three series. It is, in fact, a dark and sinister story, and one that is told with such skill as to make the best plots from the Next Generation look like drool. The characters are REAL. The situations are REAL. The conflicts are REAL. The entire feeling of the series is that it is very REAL! Finally, a captain/commander with some major flaws, some major problems to work out, and some major character. Kirk was the original cardboard cutout hero, always doing the right thing, never unsure of his choices, and always the good guy. Picard was the same. Sisko, however, has issues to work out from the start. His wife died in a battle with the Borg, and he's had to raise his son alone since then. He's willing to take risks, let Starfleet regulations out the airlock, and make the hard choices that Kirk and Picard are never faced with. And, above all, he's always got his priorities straight: he always knows what it is that he's going to do, whether it's good or bad, right or wrong.
And it doesn't stop at the C-in-C, either. Kira, an ex-rebel who isn't happy about dealing with Starfleet. Odo, a unique and lonely law-enforcing shapeshifter who thumbs his nose at protocol and authority, but always gets his man. Bashir, a brash young doctor who's constantly putting his foot in his mouth, and who has a mysterious past. O'Brien, the good soldier, who does his duty no matter what, until it affects his family. Dax, a symbiotic being composed of a beautiful 28-year old woman and an ugly 300-year old slug, with the knowledge and experience of 8 lifetimes, and a thing for Klingons. Worf, ex-Enterprise, looking for where he belongs, and never quite finding it. And then, there are the characters who aren't supposed to be there. Quark, a crooked bartender/smuggler who's always looking to turn a profit. Rom, his so-called idiot brother, who turns out to be a genius. Nog, Rom's son, whose ambition is to do what no Ferengi has ever done before. My personal favorite, Garak, a Cardassian exile with a dark past hidden under layers of subterfuge and espionage, who never tells the truth if he can help it. Vic Fontaine, a holographic lounge singer from 60s Vegas, who knows he's a hologram, and knows more than you do. It's just plain good. This busts through the roof on the 10 point scale, in orbit at about 7 digits. DS9 forever!
Dune (1984)
Poor adaptation of a superb novel
For those of you who have perhaps read Frank Herbert's original Dune, and are considering viewing this movie, here's some advice: don't. Swish orange juice, toothpaste, and clam chowder in your mouth: you'll get the same effect.
Herbert wrote an epic masterpiece that should be regarded as the Hamlet of science fiction (actually, it is very vaguely adapted from Hamlet). David Lynch scripted and directed a butchery of this novel. He made so many mistakes, it is impossible to cover them all. Here's a general idea: the novel is summarized, not adapted. The movie contains about half of the elements involved in the story, and watching it makes you feel like you're falling asleep and missing half the plot. Everybody in the story has an agenda, but you get to see only half of these agendas, and are left to imagine the others. Character development was mediocre, and paled in comparison to the rich depth given in the novel. The writers obviously did not understand Herbert's technologies, because the movie displayed loads of horse dung where there should have been intricacies that would say, "Star Wars, eat your heart out." There was poor acting from everybody but Jurgen Prochnow as Leto, Patrick Stewart as Halleck, and Sting as Rautha. And finally, the special effects of the time simply weren't up to snuff for Herbert's vision. From the blue eyes to the force fields, everything looked horribly cheesy. If the folks had waited a decade, or maybe used something better than a third-grader's sketch pad, then they would have had stunning visual effects.
Overall, what we are left with here is a definitive flop. I can only hope that the TV miniseries version that aired last year did a better job. On a scale of 1 to 10, this movie is somewhere around absolute zero (-273.15, FYI).
Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
Excellent! Opens fire and never stops to reload!
I went in to this film with low expectations. To a seasoned Trekker, Insurrection looked like a real rip-off: nothing more than a Captain Kirk plot (leading a one-ship rebellion against the injust decision of the Federation) with the Next Generation pasted into it. Wrong! Insurrection was an incredibly original and thrilling film, combining the depth of thought present in all Star Trek series and films, the humor that was found to be a success in Generations and First Contact, and special effects and action that will please the modern audience.
Warning! Semi-Spoiler! (Nothing that's not in the IMDb summary, though).
The movie's premise is one that harkens back to the political symbolism that has been used successfully throughout TOS, TNG, the movies, and is used slightly in DS9 and VOY. The most successful Star Trek stories are those that are actual historical events thrown into the 24th century; this is no exception. The Federation is determined to force-relocate the population of a planet out in the wilderness of space. Their cause is noble enough: the planet has a special metaphysical property that can reverse the aging process, which would double lifespans, cure diseases, heal injuries, and be an all-around good thing. Their methods, however, are despicable: they plan to abduct these 600 people in their sleep and move them out of their homes, onto a holodeck recreation. This parallels the frontier expansion into Native American territories of the 1800s, particularly the Trail of Tears. Captain Picard, obviously the voice that speaks out for justice, will not allow this to happen, and decides to risk himself, his ship, and his crew to save these people. The movie progresses from there.
Now, take this excellent plot and moral debate, and throw in more quality humor than you can possibly expect from a sci-fi film, and you've got a rockin' good time! Ranging from diplomatic guests who eat floral arrangements to performances of Gilbert and Sullivan in the midst of a battle to Klingon pimples, I was rolling in the aisles every second that I wasn't on the edge of my seat. You simply can't beat Data comparing Riker's shaved face to "an android's bottom," or Worf re-entering Klingon adolescence and feeling "aggressive tendencies." It's just too good to be true.
Overall, this film congealed into the epitome of excellence, scoring a solid 9.8 (that tough Romulan judge gave it a 9.6). It brilliantly combines the most successful elements of Generations and First Contact, making for an awesome ride through the never-dull world of Star Trek.