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Randomgirl111
Reviews
La scuola cattolica (2021)
What is this????
This is probably the most confusing, nonsensical film I've ever watched. I feel like the director wanted to make p.rn for his own personal satisfaction but felt embarrassed to so he just made random scenes that helped excuse such adult content. However, even as an X rated film, IT MAKES NO SENSE. There is no story. The whole film is a compilation of random videos with no consistency with each other. It's like the whole film is having an identity crisis. Also, apparently, this film is supposed to be about a massacre but the massacre aspect wasn't even noticeable. Most of the English dub is OK and the acting is fine but the writing is too broken for me to care...
Bloody New Year (1987)
Mouldy heap of cheese
Story:
I enjoyed the beginning of this film. Yeah, it was cheesily done but it was also really entertaining. I also, think the film had some interesting concepts. So why did I rate this 2 stars? Because that is literally all the praise I have for this. Sadly, when our protagonists arrive at the island, everything quickly goes downhill. One big reason for this is the mess the writers call a script. Nothing makes sense. Random things happen but they aren't explained. Not even the plot twist about the hotel being stuck in a time loop because of the government covers up all the plot holes. I still have many questions. Why did one door lead to a cliff? Why did another door lead to a snow storm? Why did that snow storm scene end up being a character's vision? Was it a vision? Those are just a fith of the questions that are left unanswered. What doesn't help is that the viewers are stuck with these poorly written protagonists, which I'll talk about more later. Not even the unpredictability of the script can get me invested because there's nothing engaging to latch my serious attention on to. There's nothing to care about here. Never have I found a story so insane but also boring at the same time...
Visuals:
One word: cheap. The make up is cheap, the effects are cheap and the costumes are cheap. I would forgive this if the resources were used to their full potential but it doesn't even try to do that. The monsters look unoriginal and generic, the island has no atmosphere and the transitions between scenes are so clumsy and jarring, it added to the confusion I had from the writing. Considering the craziness and concepts of this script, I expected so much more.
Characters:
Never have I wanted a cast of characters to be killed off so badly! Here we have another big reason why this movie is painful to watch. The antagonists lack depth and memorability and the protagonists make me wanna tear out my hair out! I hate every single one of those annoying idiots! They are more dim witted than Jigsaw's dumbest victims! Janet especially gets on my nerves because all she does is run away and cry instead of helping her friends! The cherry on top of this is the acting, which ranges from mediocre to downright amateurish. You know a movie has failed when it's audience wants the characters to be killed off to make it shorter.
Music:
Like the visuals: cheap. Like the story: convoluted.
Overall:
Instead of watching an over the top, entertaining movie, I ended up watching a boring, nonsensical, cheaply made mess. The writing is disgraceful, the visuals are cheap, even by 80s standards, the music is a broken orchestra and the characters give me headaches. I highly recommend you skip this. Probably the worst horror film I've ever watched.
The Room (2003)
yOuR tEaRiNg mE aPaRt, tOmMy!!!!!
As a movie, I can't give this more than 0 stars as this isn't a movie, this is a feature-length compliation of random, bizarre memes. As a collection of memes, I give this 10,000 stars. Seriously, I know this wasn't meant to be a complete comedy but this is really entertaining to watch. I recommend this to anyone who needs cheering up.
Free Guy (2021)
Very good
There wasn't a moment that bored me during my viewing experience. I think the concepts and world building in this film are very creative and brilliantly executed, the acting is top notch and I found the characters to be very likeable. There are a few comedic moments that made me cringe a little but most of the comedy made me smile and chuckle. Overall, I highly recommend you watch this film.
Foodfight! (2012)
How to make Foodfight
Take elements from Toy Story and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, run them over with your car 10 times and poop on them.
Find the most cringeworthy Sonic x Elise fanfic in existence and put that into your movie. Just make Sonic a dog and Elise a blondie with cat ears. And oh yeah! Call the author and tell them to rewrite Rouge the Bat. They will be able to strip away all her personality and replace it with cringeworthy sex innuendos. That's one of your villains sorted.
Pour all the racism from Transformers 2 onto the hero's sidekick and make him a misogynistic jerk.
You're gonna need another villain. All you gotta do is make him as mentally unstable as possible and have him move around like a crazy octopus.
Have the overly sexual baddie's minions consist of Nazi lizards.
Hire a high, drunk drug dealer to animate your entire movie with a 50p budget. Tell him to make all the characters look like the hallucinations he has on his worst drug trips.
Make sure your plot has no logic, tolerable humour nor consistency.
Finally, use up 95% of your budget to hire the most recognisable actors to star in your movie.
Your movie is now ready to be released into cinemas for your poor audience to see.
Osmosis Jones (2001)
Interesting film
Pros:
The hand drawn animation is beautifully done.
The depiction of how Frank's body works is very creative.
The comedy is top notch in the animated segments.
The voice acting is top notch and is the reason the animated characters are likeable and full of personality.
Thrax is an amazing villian. Everytime he's on screen, I squeal in excitement. I really love how mysterious, threatening, charismatic and cool he is. I can definitely see why people have a crush on him. I seriously never thought I'd be attracted to a virus...
Cons:
The use of CGI is outdated.
The live action segments are painful to sit through. The comedy there is cringeworthy and just...gross and almost every live-action character, except Shawn, who's just forgettable and bland, is absolutely horrible. Frank is a selfish, disgusting father and person, Frank's friend is a stupid enabler and Shawn's teacher is a petty bully.
The main characters and a couple of other animated characters are pretty generic in concept. Osmosis is the generic underdog, Drix is a ripoff Buzz from Toy Story, Leah is just Osmosis' love interest and the mayor is just the generic, corrupt politician. If it weren't for the voice acting being their saving grace, they'd have no substance.
Overall, Osmosis Jones is a mixed bag for me. The animated segments are fun and creative and the live action segments are cringeworthy. If you can ignore the cringe, this film has quite a bit of substance. It's just a shame all the likeableness is inside the worst character Bill Murray has ever played. It almost made me wish Thrax killed him. Anyway, I recommend you check it out at least once.
La nuée (2020)
Avoid this film!!!!
I have just sat down with my family (all adults, don't worry) to watch this film. Why did we choose this one? Because a film called 'The Swarm' that involves loads of bloodthirsty insects made us think it would be a cool, thrilling horror about a group of people trying to survive a swarm of killer insects....
Worst desicion I've ever made.
Instead of the movie we hoped for, we got a vile, undesirable mess.
Where do I even begin with this?
How about the characters? 99% of them are one-dimensional and under-developed. I can't remember a single name. They're that unremarkable. That is literally all I can say about them. Now, I bet you're wondering why I said 99%. OK then. Let's talk about the remaining 1% of the cast and the worst aspect of the entire film: the main character. She is the most poorly-written, unsympathetic, unlikeable protagonist I have ever seen in any film. No joke. From the very beginning, she is a selfish, insane jerk. She's a terrible parent. She cares so little about her kids' wellbeing that she literally puts her failing farm (knowing that it's filled with dangerous insects) before them. She lies to them (e.g. Finds her son's dead goat and tells the son he's still out there somewhere), plays with their emotions (e.g. Only tells her bullied daughter they're moving when they're not) and doesn't even take their feelings into consideration. Like, I don't know...Why don't she just give up her obviously dangerous business and pick a career path that doesn't compromise her family's life? Why don't she stop forcing them to have cold showers everyday? Why doesn't she just clean her filthy house? Why does she let her son keep the bloodthirsty bugs in his room? Where are child protective services? Believe or not, it only gets worse! As the movie goes on, this mother turns into a crazy psychopath! She brutally mutilates herself to feed the bugs and then all of a sudden, she's feeding her neighbour's poor, scared, defenseless dog to them (the director had the audacity to make me listen to his cries and whines) and she steals the neighbour's cow and kills him to feed to the bugs too! Where are all the flipping authorities?! Where's the RSPCA?! Does the director have a thing for animal cruelty?! I don't care if the film wants me to root for her! That crazy lady should be in a straight jacket in a high security prison for the criminally insane! The moment I saw her sacrifice that adorable dog I wanted those bugs to chew her face off! But no! Instead, we're stuck with a terrible ending that indicates that she's gotten away with all of her crimes! The thing that makes all this bad character writing is there is no depth to her at all, making it harder for the audience to connect to her or become invested in her!
Alright. I've gotten all that out of my system. Do I have anything good to say about this film? Well...the use of effects and CGI is well done and the acting is good. I honestly wish I had more positive things to say about this but I don't. This is honestly one of the worst films I have ever watched. If you're looking for a good swarm survival film, go watch The Birds. If you're looking for a horror with flawed yet well-written characters, go watch the Saw films (if you can stand extreme gore) or Carrie. Skip this movie.
Power Rangers (2017)
Enjoyable
I'm gonna get the best thing about this film out of the way first and why the rating isn't any lower (since this character was quite prominent): the autism representation! As an aspie myself, I applaud the writers for actually creating such a likeable character that I could connect myself to. Unlike other representations, Billy (the aspie) isn't one-dimensional. The writers actually realised that autism is a mental condition, NOT a personality trait. Yes, Billy is autistic. But that doesn't mean he lacks empathy, courage, maturity, patience or teamwork skills. Autism also doesn't stop him from being a power ranger. What makes Billy a really believable representation of autism to me is, unlike Music where Sia used autism as an excuse to not develop Music's character and personality, Billy's autism gave him not just some of the challenges of autism (difficulty in understanding sarcasm and jokes, repetitive behaviour, lack of social skills) but also some of the positives of autism (high intellect, great imagination, he's brilliant at the hobbies he's into, like making gadgets and adjusting them etc) but he also has other traits which show that, even if autism is part of who he is, it doesn't make up 100% of who he is. Traits include: great mediator, great team player, great team leader (why wasn't he the red ranger), great friend, passionate about superheroes, completely selfless, curious, super epic fighter, caring and so on. Billy is literally not just my new favourite aspie in any type of media. But he's also one of the most likeable and well written characters I've seen in the last 10 years. I can literally see him a role model for aspies to either look up to or relate to. I would say that every other character in the movie was kinda dull. I honestly think 98% of the time, Billy was carrying the all of the heart or the movie. This brings us to one problem I had while watching this film: the rest of the main cast. Why? Because the rest of the main cast are either unlikable, stupid, bland or all of the above. And no. Then quickly explaining their sob stories does not give them any depth. Yes, Billy's dad died but he had a likeable personality and layers to his character. No other character has that. The rest of the cast is so unremarkable that I've already forgotten their names. The red power ranger is an idiot who does reckless, stupid stuff without a reason (e.g. Steals a cow, crashes a car), is angsty with his dad (who is rightfully upset with him) for no reason at all and is overly aggressive for, again, no reason, the yellow and pink rangers are just bland and under-developed and the black power ranger is so annoying, stupid and stubborn (in a bad way) that I wanted to knock some sense into him by punching his smug face. Like, why did he hop into the obviously dangerous-looking, enormous, robotic dino when he knew he was still training to be a ranger? I was also kinda disappointed that the power rangers didn't get their armour and stuff until the finale of the film. Luckily, there are still good things about the film, besides Billy, that made it engaging enough for me to keep watching. I'll admit the suits themselves (apart from the out of place mouth pieces), the effects, the action, the zoids were cool though. I also think the story structure itself was executed quite well and engaging to watch, the humour was funny, the cheesy tone was true to the original tv shows, the villian is entertaining and threatening, and the acting was fantastic. Anyway, yes, this film has flaws and it's lack of fan service might be a little disappointing to a lot of power rangers fans. But I definitely cannot call this a bad one. If you're looking for a decent action film with a good amount of cheesiness, you'll probably like this film. And I would especially recommend it to aspies, if they need a cool one to relate to and look up to. I seriously think this film would be 10 stars to me if Billy was the main character. But as it is, it's fine.
Music (2021)
Review from an aspie
Things to keep in mind:
I have mild autism.
I'm a big fan of Sia's songs.
I'm angry at Sia's poor choices regarding this film and how she's treated the autism community.
I'm going to ignore all of the drama that has happened around this film so I can review this with fresh eyes.
The story:
You'd think Sia would use her incredible imagination and talents to write a good story. Apparently not. What we have instead is equivalent to a facepalm. Basically, what happens in this movie is when the grandmother of a girl with autism dies, the girl's half-sister has to become her carer, while learning to become a better person. She also has issues with her family and is angry when she finds out she isn't in her grandmother's will-HANG ON! Is Sia ripping off Rainman? Not lazy at all. Anyway, there's also this side plot about a boy who's living in an abusive household. However, that was poorly handled and obviously was barely looked upon compared to the main plot. It's a shame because I feel the boy's plot should have been the main storyline. This brings us to one of the biggest problems of the film, which isn't the story itself but actually the execution. We're stuck with a cast of poorly written and unlikable characters and I feel like the movie's runtime was unnecessarily stretched for no reason. Because of this, there were many times where the story would drag on and almost made me fall asleep out of extreme boredom. I would also like to point out that there were many moments that left me gobsmacked and made me wonder how on Earth was this movie approved in the first place. I'll get into more detail about that later but I'll just say for now that I can definitely see why this movie is viewed as disgusting and offensive. Everyone knew the trailer was gonna foreshadow a bad movie. However, no amount of foreshadowing could prepare me for such abysmal writing.
The visuals:
Unlike the story, I can definitely see some positives here. The cinematography and lighting are top notch. I also enjoyed the vibrancy and choreography in the musical numbers. I can see Sia's creativity bursting through there and I can definitely appreciate all the passion and effort put into it. However, there is one big problem which hinders the musical numbers for me and that is what they're supposed to represent. It is made very clear that at least most of these songs are about the autistic girl's thoughts and perception of reality. While I love the concept, I have two problems with the execution:
1. The symbolism used is unclear and way too hard to understand so it makes it difficult for the audience to relate and connect to the character's thoughts.
2. The use of extremely bright colours and flashing lights.
I know not all autistic people have issues with bright, flashing lights or colours, like me. However, this is meant to be a movie that represents the entire autism community and a gift for them (according to Sia) and I can definitely see a huge percentage of them have sensory overloads from watching this and seeing a lot of misrepresentation here.
Technically, the visuals are well done. Conceptually, however, the creative choices are questionable at best and harmful at worst.
The songs:
Obviously, these songs are brilliantly written because it's Sia. I won't talk about them individually because there's a lot of songs. All of them are catchy, memorable and get across their messages and emotions well. My only problem with them is a part of me feels like they were added to the film last minute so the transitions to the musical numbers are a little weird to me. Despite that, any soundtrack with Sia's name on it is gonna be a hit and this definitely proves that.
The characters:
Do you wanna know why watching this movie physically hurt me? It's because of the characters. Think the boring story and its poor execution are bad enough? Then, let me welcome you to one of the worst cast of characters ever. I'm only gonna focus on the ones the movie focuses on the most to cut this short. Let's start with Zu, the half sister of Music and a recovering alcoholic and drug dealer. All she does is be whiny and selfish. Literally, when we're first introduced to her, she shows no care that her grandmother has just died and wants to steal her money. There's also Ebo, the generic love interest for Zu and the mentor character, who shows Zu how to 'take care' of Music. At first, I liked him. I like how down to Earth he is. BUT THEN HE DECIDED THAT PHYSICALLY RESTRAINING AN AUTISTIC GIRL, WHO WAS HAVING A MELTDOWN, WAS A GOOD IDEA! AND THEN HE THOUGHT "HOW ABOUT I TEACH ZU TO DO THAT WHEN THE GIRL IS SUPER ANXIOUS AND OVERWHELMED!" Yes. These scenes were actually allowed to be viewed on people's screens. May I add that the movie also compares autism meltdowns to seizures in one scene? I know. I'm facepalming too. Before I talk about Music, who I have A LOT to talk about, I wanna talk about Felix. He's a quiet boy who has an abusive family that pushes him to pursue boxing. Why isn't he the main character? Think about it. What I just said about him would be a much better storyline than THIS. However, like I said, his storyline was poorly handled so he ends up being a one note, unnecessary character. Now, for what you've ALL been waiting for. What do I think of Music? Well, first of all, why is that her name? Did her parents ask for her to be bullied? Is it some kind of metaphor? If so, I don't appreciate me and my fellow aspies being used as tools for a movie. As for the casting choice, although there are instances where a neurotypical actor can succeed in acting as an autistic person (e.g. The A Word), Maddie's performance fell flat for me. I know she's an excellent actress and dancer. Actually the rest of the cast did a good job acting too. However, because she was given poor direction from Sia, who got her research from an autism hate group, her performance was more like a parody of autism than a person who's actually autistic. It's WAY too exaggerated and cartoonish. Anyone who uses the 'but the character's non-verbal and low-functioning' excuse, is just as ableist as this movie. I understand Maddie was trying to convey the more severe symptoms of autism but she failed miserably because she overacted them way too much, rather than make her acting consistent and believable. It just reminded me of one of those immature school boys taking the mick out of a non-verbal aspie. It's terribly offensive (which I blame Sia for, not her). Us aspies were right that this movie poorly represented us. None of us knew that the whole cast was just gonna add salt to an open wound.
Overall, this movie was a boring viewing experience for me and I'm shocked that the movie hasn't been banned yet. The writing is terrible, the misinformation on autism is disgusting, the visuals, while professionally made, aren't even safe for a large portion of the autism community to watch, the characters are horrible and Maddie's poor performance as an autistic character is as offensive as everyone thought it would be. Yes, there is some good acting, good choreography, interesting concepts and great songs but that doesn't stop this from being a poorly executed movie.
Story: 2/10
Visuals: 6/10
Songs: 9/10
Characters: 1/10
Overall score: 4/10.