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Corto Maltese: La cour secrète des Arcanes (2002)
A gem from a vastly different era of 2D animated feature films
Corto Maltese, the legendary sailor from the pencil of Hugo Pratt, have always been a bit hard for me to get my head around. For one, it's hard to get a hold of, and for two, because it's mainly in italian and french, which aren't my strong suits.
But from what I gathered, this is just like any other Corto Maltese adventure story: historical settings, exotic locations, shady plots, intrigues, clashes of different cultures, old and new allies, 'pals' and enemies, and of course, some beautiful ladies.
It was a breath of fresh air, adventurous but melancholic and beautiful at the same time. Eye-pleasing visuals, even after two decades on, which seamlessly incorporated some 3D elements into the 2D animation, a trend that reached its peak at that time.
Oh and from the art department I happened to recognize some names that I've encountered in my exposure to BDs (french comics) such as Olivier Vatine, Virginie Augustin and Didier Cassegrain. No wonder it turned out as remarkable as it did.
Anyway, its a recommend. I rate it a solid 8/10. It really took me back to a different era, a different time in various ways.
Tarzan: The Epic Adventures (1996)
Cheesy but indeed Epic Tarzan Adventures
Oh the 90s, were such a fascinating period for cheesy fantasy shows. It was truly a time for the reincarnation of the 'sword-and-sandal' subgenre, which had once been popularized in the 50s-60s, into the 'sword-and-sorcery' subgenre for TV. Everything is cyclical after all.
That was the period which saw the rise of series such as Sorbo's Hercules, Lawless' Xena or Moeller's Conan. And there was an underrated one but nonetheless notable, if not, the most notable of all: 'Lara's Tarzan'.
In this (awfully familiar) version, Tarzan who was once raised by the great apes, got civilized and lived as the Earl of Greystoke in London for a while. However, he returned to his true homeland Africa, to become the Lord of the Jungle once again.
Starred with Joe Lara. Let me tell you, not only was he physically well-fitted for Tarzan's classic description: 'tall, athletic, handsome, and tanned with grey eyes and long dark hair' --but his portrayal was one of the closest, if not the closest portrayals of Tarzan of all time. The stoic nature of the Ape-man was on point.
I believe this was one of the closest interpretation of Burrough's pulps, there I said it.
The supernatural elements were no stranger to the good ol' Ape-man tales, only if it weren't for the 90s VFX, though the 90s mentality, practical effects, and make-up made up for it.
Oh and one thing is sure, back in the days they really did know how to choose such beautiful actresses.
Anyway, it's a recommend. I rated it a 7/10, it certainly had a great charm to it. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. Also, just a piece of advice: please don't judge it so quickly based on the pilot, it gets way better.
(RIP Joe Lara.)
PS: Regardless, you can't go wrong with reading Edgar Rice Burroughs' novels.
Tarzan (2003)
Savage Pretty Boy and Lady Cop
You know those sketch shows where they create parody trailers/skits with ridiculous reinterpretations narrated by a Don LaFontaine impersonator, now imagine something along these lines:
'In a world where the city's hustle meets Tarzan's muscle, our loincloth hero swings into the urban jungle of the Big Apple, ready for action! Teaming up with none other than NYPD's finest law enforcer, detective Jane Porter. Together, they fight crime and save the day. Coming soon to theaters near you!'
Unironically, they did a whole crime chickdrama series with that premise, or at least aired 8 episodes of it (surprisingly it's not ended with a cliffhanger).
Jane Porter is indeed an NYPD cop in this, well, at least she is american. So is Tarzan. He's the heir to Greystoke Industries, a billion-dollar worth company. When he was a little boy, he and his parents had a plane crash near Congo, Africa. He had to grow up in the jungle on his own.
However, 'Tarzan' is just in the title, with no reference to the 'ape-man' anywhere to be found. For the intended audience, for young females, that would've been 'icky' and 'yucky'. So he's just a 'savage pretty boy'. To be fair, this version of Tarzan is at least fearless, athletic and acrobatic, his fighting style shows some ape-like influence but that's about it.
The parallel between the jungle vs the (modern) urban jungle isn't far off from being a usable concept for Tarzan. But Jane Porter as a policewoman is absurd! Maybe she could've been an anthropologist or a behaviorist who helps him adapt --anything but.
Anyways, the only redeeming quality is the familiar faces: Sarah Wayne Callies from Prison Break & The Walking Dead, Mitch Pileggi from X-Files & SG:A, Lucy Lawless from Xena & Spartacus and Travis Fimmel from Vikings. It's good to see the young Sarah in a leading role.
Its NOT a recommend! I rate it a 5/10. It has a bit of the early '00s charm to it. And believe it or not, among all the modernizing attempts it isn't the worst (but if its dead keep it dead for its own good).
PS: Everyone go read Edgar Rice Burroughs' novels instead!
Tarzan and the Lost City (1998)
Tarzan and the Lost Potential
In this story, Tarzan now living as Lord John Clayton of Greystoke in London with his fiancée Jane Porter, receives a call intermagically by a shaman from his true homeland Africa. He learns that a man named Nigel Ravens is seeking the lost city of gold 'Opar', sparing no one in his quest. John postpones his wedding to stop him.
First off, among many things, what struck me most was how they really did dirty on the Opar segment of the story. Where was 'Queen La, the High Priestess of the Flaming God', and the Oparians? Someone was in the wrong Opar...
Another aspect that struck me is that the Waziri-- oh sorry--, the Nuba tribe but rather their shaman was way overkill, so much that Tarzan's presence was almost irrelevant for the plot.
About the supernatural elements, the Tarzan tales are no strangers to them. Still, I'd prefer them here to be more mysterious, grounded and much more purposefully used-- less upfront and cheesy, as it was.
About the casting, they were alright for the most part, especially aesthetically speaking.
The classic description for Tarzan is 'tall, athletic, handsome and tanned with grey eyes and long dark hair'; Casper Van Dien embodied much of that, except mainly for being tall and tanned. The issue is Tarzan's core identity as a savage, brute and primal, he is the ape-man after all. Van Dien's portrayal just didn't convey that. However I somewhat digged his fighting style.
Jane March, a gorgeous and exotic-looking actress, was certainly an interesting choice for Jane Porter but not necessarily an unwelcome one, even with her feisty mannerism. (Still, Porter was still not American here.)
Overall, it wasted actors and story potential greatly with cheapened solutions. No wonder this has faded into obscurity. Although despite all of this I rated it a meager 6/10.
PS: I'd recommend reading Edgar Rice Burroughs' novels instead, especially if you want to learn more about the real lost city of Opar start with 'The Return of Tarzan' (right after you've read 'Tarzan of the Apes', of course).
Bad Taste (1987)
Peter Jackson Begins
Bad Taste (1987) is exactly what it looks like:
A passionate amateur but talented horror enthusiast man with dreams and with a camera, with the help of some friends and family members, put together a low-budgeted, feature-length absurd horror sci-fi film which was shot in the weekends, and was written on the spot.
The film follows a group of special agents of 'Astro Investigation and Defence Service', led by a guy named Derek, tasked with investigating some strange occurrences in the fictional sleepy town of Kaihoro, in Kiwiland.
Later, Derek and others must defend that town, and the whole planet from extra-terrestrial beings who seek to harvest humans for their intergalactic fast-food chain, or something.
Once again, ALL of that crafted on the spot!
But that's what I'm appreciate the most about this film, the craftmanship! While it may be amateurish, grotesque and silly yes, you can see the talent and resourcefulness behind it. Granted, in some spots, you may have to look for it, but it's there, and we know it's there.
It's a recommend, first and formost for movie buffs, and people with particular sense of humour.
I rate it a 6.5/10 (rounded up to a 7 for imdb).
Huang jia shi jie (1985)
A kick-ass 'budette cop' film set in Hong Kong, starring Michelle Yeoh & Cynthia Rothrock
Huang jia shi jie, aka Police Assassins, aka Yes, Madam! (1985) is a fast-paced, action-oriented comedy buddy or 'budette' cop film set in the streets of Hong Kong.
Starring Michelle Yeoh and marking the debut of Cynthia Rothrock, who also becomes the first western female lead in this genre in that region up to that point.
The comedic aspect surprised me a bit, as I found myself enjoying it slightly more than being annoyed by it. Usually they are WAY over the top, but in this case it was fairly tolerable.
Standard plot but does the job well: two newly paired kick-ass cops who are using different approaches team up to take down some hard-ass criminals, while the whole chain of events is set off by small-time thieves.
The exhaustingly badass fight sequences, the editing, and the overall chemistry between Yeoh and Rothrock, and among the supporting cast, what sets this film apart and makes it enjoyable in its own category.
Also, just as one example, there was a brief scene where Rothrock's character tries to be tough and intimidate by quickly extinguishing a cigarette on a man's face, only to burn her own palm aswell and mask her pain from him behind her back. That scene caught me off guard, it's a small thing but this and some other such scenes makes the film memorable too.
Oh and that Dirty Harry reference was cherry on the top.
Anyway, it was fun 90 minutes. It's a recommend. I rate it a fierce 7/10!
Sphere (1998)
Could have been a hit adaptation but unfortunately drowned without reaching its potential
I need to start off by saying Sphere ranks as one of my top favorites among Michael Crichton's novels.
As a kid, I vaguely remembered glimpsing Sphere (1998), but for some reason I hadn't (re)watched it until now. I'm convinced that if I had watched the whole thing back then, I'd felt far more nostalgia for it.
The book laid out a quasi 'foolproof' formula for a hit movie: gather a small group of intellectuels, isolate 'em from the outside world, add some mystery and the unknown, and voilá! Sound familiar? Despite this, the filmmakers couldn't quite crack the code for this one.
While the first act showed some promise, later acts felt rushed and ultimately fell apart, failing to capture the impact of the book, especially the end. Perhaps those story changes were as helpful as a screen door on a submarine.
Regarding the casting: Hoffman was a great choice for Norman, and Schreiber was fine as Ted. Well, Jackson is like the 'wildcard' of actors, he can work with anyone and anything, so that's that.
However, whenever Stone was on screen, I couldn't help but wonder who could portray Beth instead of her. In my mind, I envisioned actress like Amy Brenneman from Heat, or rather Kim Dickens from Mercury Rising, or even Radha Mitchell from Pitch Black --someone with a bit of edge, yet still lively and likable. Unlike Stone, who seemed devious from the get-go. While she really excelled in Basic Instinct with such mannerisms, here she seemed miscast.
Visually, some aspects still hold up. Though initially disappointed by certain missing elements, maybe it's for the best.
As for recommendations, it's probably a once-in-a-lifetime watch (even as a devoted Crichton fan, once in total is enough for now).
I rate it a weak 6/10.
PS: I'd recommend opting for the book instead, or for the audiobook (with a sample by Scott Brick, sounds nice).
UFO Sweden (2022)
UFO hunting in swedish way / european cinema going strong
I must say that I knew nothing about this film, all I saw was a teaser trailer on a small screen. But I had a good feeling about the film, although to be honest, I expected something different.
The film is set in Norrköping, Sweden, in the 90s and follows a smart but headstrong teen girl who has lost her father. Yet, there's a possibility he's alive. Intent on finding him and uncover the truth, she visits her father's old colleagues and friends at 'UFO-Sverige,' aka UFO Sweden. Which is, by the way, a real organization founded in the 70s.
This is the kind of film that I am missing in the american cinema these days. The screenplay definitely has an american influence to it though, and by that I mean the good ol' (late) 20th century america. For the most part, the story surprised me in a positive way.
I was also positively surprised by the cinematography. Despite being a relative newcomer to feature films, Victor Danell did a splendid job as a director.
Inez Dahl Torhaug and Jesper Barkselius were both great in their roles, and the supporting cast was solid.
(I see a bright future for Victor Danell and Inez Dahl Torhaug in the film industry!)
If you want to see a fun sci-fi themed film that is easy to watch, I'd recommend this. I rate it a strong 7+/10.
Freejack (1992)
A somewhat interesting premise but a wasted adaptation (at least in a cheesy 90's way)
FREEJACK is an agonisingly average action/comedy/sci-fi film. Not that good, but not that bad either so one can't say 'it's so bad it's good'.
First and foremost, this is an action-oriented film, but the least gripping parts of it are actually the action sequences. Surprising since that was Geoff Murphy's speciality.
Sadly, the comedy also falls kinda short. I didn't mind Emilio Estevez as the lead (or the rest of the cast for that matter), in fact, Estevez almost saved it from being boring, along with Mick Jagger's character Vacendak. Even though it wasn't well written, Vacendak was definitely my favourite part of the film.
As for the sci-fi aspect, I heard about this film in relation to 'cyberpunk', and there are certainly elements of that, as set in a high-tech 'lowlife vs big rich corporation' dystopian (past-)future of the year 2009. However, despite the flawed but intriguing concept and plot, it failed to live up to expectations on many levels.
I found the production design amusing though, especially the cars, so outdated yet so fun!
As far as recommendation goes, it's only worth seeing if you're either into this particular genre or the cheesy 90's flicks.
I rate it a plain 5/10.
PS: 'Robert Sheckley's Immortality Inc. (1959)', the novel on which the film is very loosely based is a decent read, I'd recommend that (instead)! Oh and 'Scorpions' Hit Between The Eyes' is also worthy of a listen.
The Gray Man (2022)
A $200 million extravaganza for a mediocre video game-esque movie that feels more like a poorly executed spoof
Aside from being a disgrace to the spy/assassin thriller genre, it's over-the-top and ridiculously lame, with a nonsensical script that ignores the source material, physics, and logic. And I DO like ridiculousness but can't stand ridiculously lame.
Though I've only read the first book, it's clear it had potential. This adaptation doesn't live up to it in any shape or form. The way I see it, the problem isn't the premise's familiarity, but the execution!
There's a subtle art to differentiating between 'highly skilled people doing extraordinary things with some luck' VS 'seemingly highly skilled, very lucky, yet dumb people doing illogical but extraordinarily cheap-looking things'. The former entertains, the latter insults the viewer.
If anything, this movie is quite an argument for why they should bring back mid-range productions with tighter/coherent scripts, editing and with way less CGI (I know its cheaper than the practical stuff but rather save on the big paycheques, because as we can see these big shot 'A-listers' are still no guarantee of success).
The funny thing is, Sam Hargrave, a protégé of the Russo Bros, did a somewhat better job with 'Extraction (2020)' starring Chris Hemsworth than the 'masters' themselves. At least action-wise, that one was somewhat more entertaining and consistent.
Oh and I do still think Gosling would've been fine as Gentry in a proper movie though. Also, I read that Brad Pitt/James Gray were attached to the project like a decade ago. Maybe that would've been better than what we got.
Anyway, it's NOT a recommend! It really reminds me more of a badly executed spoof. I rate it a 4/10; the only redeeming quality was the locations --I dig it when europe is considered somewhat 'exotic' for americans.
PS: I'd definitely recommend reading Mark Greaney's book(s) instead!
Destination Wedding (2018)
When Frank Met Lindsay
When I saw that Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder were doing a movie together I knew I just had to watch it.
Definitely no regrets.
I couldn't help myself but I smiled and laughed through the whole movie, for one simple reason, because I genuinely enjoyed it. In retrospective, I found myself enjoying it more than I should've.
Most probably it's not everyone's cup of tea and I'm perfectly aware of that. As it is slow-paced throughout, and about as standard plot-wise as 'romantic' comedy movies get. I have to say though, it's a bit more realistic than your average rom-com in some ways, and in other aspect, it's not really.
OVERALL, the film is for people who interested in Keanu and Winona and their on-screen chemistry. Both do good in their characters, in my opinion.
Its a recommend, at least once in a lifetime. I rate it a 6.5/10 (rounded up to a 7 for imdb).