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Reviews
Kaubôi bibappu: Cowboy Bebop (1998)
This show makes me itch.
It could be a 10, but this show tragically uses a 20 minute episode format, I've noticed every episode of this show feels cramped and has zero room to breathe. I've never felt such aggravation that they didn't have 40 minute episodes. By the time you get to know the antagonist characters they are already 2 minutes or less from their death scene and it's (of course) rushed and tidied up in 15 seconds. All of the gravitas and emotional power of this show is hobbled by the runtime. It's genuinely depressing. And I'm really surprised no one else has noticed this. The main characters are lucky to have a full show to express their personalities but the origin episodes suffer as well. I feel like I'm recounting a memory of an episode when I'm in the middle of actually watching it.
Kaubôi bibappu: Cowboy Bebop: Pierrot le Fou (1999)
Could be a 10
But this show tragically uses a 20 minute episode format, I've noticed every episode of this show feels cramped and has zero room to breathe. I've never felt such aggravation that they didn't have 40 minute episodes. By the time you get to know the antagonist characters they are already 2 minutes or less from their death scene and it's (of course) rushed and tidied up in 30 seconds. All of the gravitas and emotional power of this show is hobbled by the runtime. It's genuinely depressing. And I'm shocked no one else has noticed this. The main characters are lucky to have a full show to express their personalities but the origin episodes suffer as well. I feel like I'm recounting a memory of an episode when I'm in the middle of actually watching it.
Jessica Jones: A.K.A. 1,000 Cuts (2015)
this episode is nonsense
The show has always had its corny moments but this was on another level. All of a sudden there's personality-altering drugs, inexplicable immunity to what is now a virus a la Star Wars Midichlorians, characters acting too much like puzzle pieces scrambling themselves into position. This episode used so many cheat codes and shortcuts the whole thing jumped the shark. I busted out in frustrated laughter repeatedly during this one, and I'm left wondering who they let write this chapter. It's just so B-level.
South Park: Kenny Dies (2001)
man
South Park making me cry about the death of a character that dies every episode is pretty impressive. I'm not really a crier either, but things like kids passing away young really brings it out of me. At least we know Kenny won't be gone forever.
Batman: The Animated Series: If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich? (1992)
Something's not right
Well, If You're So Smart is a fun episode, definitely worth seeing.
But the vibe of this episode was off, the animation is strangely noodly, and Batman's voice performance and overall personality is oddly cheeky and hammy compared to his usual behavior. It feels like this may have been an early episode before they had a mood nailed down for the show.
In terms of animation you can see it's oddly expressive when Lucius looks up at the riddle on the ticker tape outside the window. There are a lot of other moments where you'll see the animation "dances" in an off-putting manner. At least relative to the show's usual art deco, minimal-necessary-gesturing for the sake of maintaining that classic Animated Batman regality. The intro that plays before every episode exemplifies what I'm talking about. Characters in this show just don't move that much, the animation is very reserved.
And when it comes to mood, the tone is kind of inconsistent and the ending especially leaves with a weird message. Mockridge fired a guy for selfish reasons and the ending is saying that all is right with the world because now he lives every night unable to sleep, in fear of his life. I don't see how that's reasonable justice for something like that, seems very heavy handed, and Bruce delivers the point like it's the end of A Christmas Carol.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
I just realized...
You know what's cool about this movie? Spider-Man 3 sucked, Amazing Spider-Man 3 never got made, and Tom Holland needed a proper third film to solidify his place as the new torch-bearer for the character.
Each Peter got to have the trilogy they deserved.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2003)
Frustrating and Repetitive
Sands of Time was cool to young me at the time of release, but now finally getting past the first hour as an adult and finishing the other seven, I feel empty and irritated.
The simple story could be told in 60 seconds, and the bulk of the time spent in the game does not provide forward motion to the plot. In fact nearly all progression happens in the first 30 and last 10 minutes of the game. The rest is a lot of platforming and "cooperative" puzzle solving, including formulaic and unfair combat.
I'm a big Dark Souls fan so difficulty is not the problem for me here. It's that once you are knocked down, you can pretty much kiss the rest of the fight goodbye considering the NPCs will trade swipes at you just often enough that you can't physically get up and move before being beaten down again. So 90% of the time, being knocked to the ground is equivalent to a loss. You can sometimes use the dagger mechanic to get up but this mistake-forgiveness system is not as fun as it sounds.
It starts to feel like the dagger mechanic was the devs' lazy way of making up for their unbalanced and awkward game design. Instead of enjoying satisfying and rewarding gameplay, you're just given a million chances to slog through a disagreeable enemy encounter or restrictively directed platforming sequence. You're torturing yourself and then hitting rewind just to suffer it again. Then the Prince will say, "No no that's not right". If only the people who made the game told themselves this more often, we would have a more fluid and honest game in front of us.
Batman: The Animated Series: The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne (1992)
This episode is nonsense but I love it.
So far the only episode I felt the need to review, this whole thing is so ridiculously dumb and funny. Well worth the watch, reminded me of the old Adam West Batman movie.
Halo 5: Guardians (2015)
Truly trash.
I never give a 1 star rating, because I reserve it for things that honestly never should have been made and the world is only worse for them existing. This game hurt my enjoyment of the franchise I grew up with by doing a disservice to the characters and angering me repeatedly. This deserves 1 star.
The Empty Man (2020)
I have a strong feeling this requires 2 viewings.
I kept flipping between a 5 and a 6, there were so many notable scenes and moments that made the movie great, but the long runtime and often flat script made it hard to stay engrossed.
It genuinely creeped me out a few times, the hospital scene and the woods scene specifically. Prior knew how to tell his actors how to behave and a few times the cinematography and overall vibe was exactly right. But there was a lot of extra time that didn't add tension like he must have intended.
I trust that a second viewing will yield more fruit, and I won't be so distracted by the dialogue and acting. I know there's a good movie in here.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark (1992)
Nothing happens
This episode had zero tension and zero payoff. I would rather not spoil it though I would have to explain the problem with this episode. Just know that nothing happens and the "creepy" parts are mere suggestion.
Dune (2021)
I loved it the first time, it was perfect the second time.
I initially felt it didn't show enough for one movie, but considering the whole point is to simply introduce you to the universe, it was perfect. On second viewing I realize there's actually a lot of dialogue I didn't at first pick up on, but once you understand the basic concepts you can go back and see the subtle things people say and do and you appreciate the film in that second viewing. Because now you're just letting yourself be in awe and not focusing too hard on educating yourself about what's going on.
Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018)
Let's talk pros and cons
Gadsby is a talented comedian. She's good with timing and delivery, she did make me laugh quite a bit.
But I couldn't help but notice the whole thing slowly sounds more and more like she is telling her passive aggressive jokes through gritted teeth. She oversimplifies gender issues and misses the whole point of both sides' positions, so she can further create fights with the "other side".
The whole thing eventually devolves into a full on lecture by the end, and there is no intended humor in the outro.
If Gadsby focused more on jokes and less on educating because apparently despite the millions of people already making all the same arguments in her favor, she thinks her comedy special is the only chance for the already prolific message for the sake of women and LGBT people to be heard. But sadly and ironically the very fact she used this platform in this way did the exact opposite of what she wanted. The millions I mentioned earlier praised this special because anything pro gay and anti establishment will get that response, but her supposedly intended audience, the establishment straight white males, didn't feel closer to her and many just outright bombed the review section. Why? Because she made no attempt to build bridges, she treated men like she believes in her mind men treat women. Let me clarify, some men do treat women in this condescending manner, but the dividing line of sexists is not between male and female. The dividing line is people, like Gadsby, who think it is as simple as a men and women issue. She make a joke about fighting fire with fire implying the ineffectiveness of it, but does the very same thing.
The Last Duel (2021)
Strange decisions
The decision to retell the same story 3 times is only justifiable if meant to show how 2 very different personalities color the world around them, but then the third version (being the "truth") is pointless considering we had all the relevant facts we needed after the second. At that point any new scenes just served to make us hate the cartoonishly evil people surrounding the protagonist which came off more like a political agenda than a compelling story with grey areas. We're left not allowed to make up our own minds even about the inconsequential details surrounding the main incident.
And the main scene showing the crime is given to us twice why? Her protesting was enough the first time for any decent person to understand the evil without having to sit through such an already depressing and painful scene twice. At that point it almost felt like exploitation of the actress to make her film it more than once, thus hurting the original stated point of the film.
I don't know whose mind was meant to be changed with this film, sadly this was clearly the point. There was no mystery or guessing to it. They just showed a terrible act and painted everything else in black and white, actually hurting the message of the film because now people will walk away thinking a rapist has no capacity for trickery or charm.
The very fact that the movie thinks the word "no" only means anything when screamed and cried, yes that's what it's really telling us even though its intention was the opposite, and that they thought people would only see that it was indeed a rape by showing us the same scene twice but the second time said with gusto is also disappointing.
Tall Girl (2019)
I'm not a 6 foot tall woman
I'm a 5'11" dude, but that's not why I'm reviewing this. I didn't enjoy it because it empowered me, I enjoyed it cause it was hilarious and didn't make me depressed about the world. Usually I'm picky with my movies and stingy with ratings, but there are only so many "masterpiece" films I can watch that all tell me the world is a dark and disturbing place. I'm gonna make it a point to start watching feel good movies that are bad in the satisfying ways. This was like Max Keeble's Big Move, but for Gen Z. Cheers to the "bad" movies out there!
Cobra Kai (2018)
the main downside
Who punches the air repeatedly as karate training?
Death Note: Desu nôto (2006)
fantastic series with too much talking
I really enjoyed this show, I wish the rules of the death note weren't so unrealistically specific. It makes the story feel like it plays out like a rat going through a one-route maze, totally guided. I stopped at the episode Silence. It sounds like the show just loses its purpose and quality and fans read Silence as the true finale. I would suggest you do the same.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again (2018)
Weak
We don't need Mindy Kaling to remind us every time the gang opens their mouths that the gang says weird and crazy stuff. Why even bring her on? Her whole bit in this episode is just one giant eyebrow raise at how weird the gang is. Comedy is a lot less funny when someone is constantly calling it out, pretty simple stuff. It's like another laugh track.
Tenet (2020)
Watch it twice
My sister complained that it didn't make sense to her as soon as we left the theater. I suggested she watch it again to catch what she might have missed. She retorted that if you don't like a movie the first time, it's not worth seeing again. I disagree.
Unbreakable (2000)
Watch for the Cinematography
The story unfolds at a slightly slow pace, but it keeps your interest. The ending falls a little flat and the climactic scene also feels uneventful. The cinematography is the best reason to watch this film, I really loved the camera angles. I'm glad I saw it, but don't think I'll rewatch it. It's just fairly uneventful.
The X Files: Eve (1993)
the twins were so corny
The story is rather boring and the girls who played the twins simply ruined my experience. One of them smiled constantly at inappropriate times. Probably would've skipped this one if not for the reviews.
Run Hide Fight (2020)
Better than I expected
Definitely a worthwhile movie, the bad guy is a little too super villainy but the movie was surprisingly gritty and dark with some really good camera work. And the acting has some highlights for being realistic and not too hollywoody, but I agree there are some flat characters here and there. Really liked the way the mom's appearance changed over the course of the movie.
Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid (2019)
Good but I wasn't dying
One of those stand-ups that makes you feel good, but you'll only get a few real laughs. Beyond that I just found myself smiling at it the whole time. Definitely worth seeing though!
Doctor Sleep (2019)
Watch the Directors Cut
Great sequel. The acting was good, fan service was great, and the right choices were made for casting classic characters!
It's Such a Beautiful Day (2012)
The ending made me cry
Beautiful film, in no way is it a waste of time pretentious animation. It's like being depressed and dead and born for the first time and in extreme joy about the universe's existence all at the same time.