sillybuddha Reviews

Hu tu da zui xia (1979)

Jolly fun by an independent studio - it ain't Shaw Brothers

[6/10 · 27 December 2012]

Slightly harshly reviewed on other sites, I feel that Idiot Swordsman / Drunken Dragon Strikes Back is a bit of low-budget fun that held my interest more than the usual 'kill the boss to get revenge' kung fu films.

A famous warrior known as the Drunken Knight disappears and the townsfolk hanker for his return. They (and I'm never entirely sure why) mistake a bumbling drunk for this man, eventually leading to the real Knight (King Boxer Lo Lieh) pretending to be his student and helping him.

This is not Jackie Chan, it's not even Drunk Style kung fu - the Idiot is not a kung fu practitioner anyway. There is some OK swordplay and wire-work and to be honest the jokes aren't brilliant, but the set pieces as the Knight helps the Idiot - held my interest.

The stakes are raised when the Idiot is elected head of a Justice League to wipe out the bad guys and a lady is kidnapped. At first the Idiot took advantage of his status but feels increasingly guilty and out of depth as things get more serious. I found the Idiot quite likable - he's a good guy with a sense of justice, and is moderately brave considering he has no kung-fu.

Mention must be made of the Knight using the Idiot's drunken 'gut booze spray' as a weapon, and the villainess having magic extending fingernail weapons. The ending has a sudden and fairly shocking death for the big boss.

Yes the opportunity to have something really funny and charming was lost by this film but they obviously tried out in Taiwan, and it had a lot more story and plot than other kung fu films - in fact the amount of action probably suffered due to the amount of plot. I thought it was all a jolly bit of fun. The English dub on my version was hilariously terrible too which added to the lols.

Taken 2 (2012)

Albanophobic ?

[1/10 · 25 November 2012]

Liam Neeson really should be ashamed of himself for 'starring' in this film and its predecessor. Just because films are a hit, if they are so full of prejudice against Albanians/middle eastern people they simply don't deserve to be made. The French (responsible for this film) don't always have a great track record with Albanians (UN criticised France for expelling an Albanian family in 2008) and this simplistic, mean-spirited and stereotyped portrayal of Albanians seems like a xenophobic expression of the worst aspect of some in France. The film itself is preposterous, with grenades going off yet little sign of the Turkish police and the villains leaving the hero with plenty of time and opportunity to escape. Usually to provide balance Hollywood films would have one 'good Albanian' helping the hero - but every single Albanian in this is a greasy, hateful thug - no balance provided by the French here. Ultimately I was rooting for the Albanians to put Neeson's character and his family out of their misery - and mine. Of course, they all get their comeuppance and none of the family dies. Total, miserable trash.

Kaiji: The Ultimate Gambler (2009)

Very intriguing and timely

[6/10 · 25 November 2012]

Although based on a manga from years ago the plot line of desperate debt-ridden men being exploited is very timely in today's economy. You certainly feel the film is trying to cram a lot into its plot - the underground society, the rich tyrant, the games, all feel like they were explored in greater depth in the manga. You certainly want to know more about the organisation running the games. The whole thing is absurd and not very believable but keeps you fascinated. The pacing is often all wrong, as the scene on the 'brave man road' and the end game is played for melodrama and takes too long as we watch characters emote for ages. Kaiji is the kind of hero you often get in Japanese films - a loser who gets a chance to find some backbone and determination while keeping to a moral code while others around him give in to temptation and fear. The twist ending is an amusing touch although you deal feel a little cheated after everything Kaiji has gone through, (though no doubt so does Kaiji himself). If this was a Western film Kaiji would have figured out some way to destroy the organisation, but perhaps like all of us little people, when it comes to the power of the rich and financial institutions, the best we can hope for is to get out free of debt, like Kaiji did...

The Master (2012)

Appallingly dreary and monotonous

[3/10 · 25 November 2012]

Yes the film looks occasionally stunning, it has some memorable scenes, memorable performances and an intriguing atmosphere, but after two and a half hours you realise it hasn't gone anywhere. Both characters are essentially the same person at the end and haven't changed or learnt anything. This is a film which pleases critics and the pretentious, but for most viewers it will be baffling, ploddingly slow, opaque and very very dull. You won't really learn anything about Scientology or New Religious Movements, as the film can't seem to decide whether to focus on Lancaster Dodd or Freddie Quall and doesn't draw any conclusions about either. The whole thing feels like a confused nightmare where you wake up in the middle of it, confused, slightly creeped out, but mostly bored.

Star Trek (2009)

Exciting but Forgettable

[6/10 · 7 May 2009]

Star Trek – no subtitle, no number, and a new beginning for a film and television series long gone out of fashion. Yet an appropriate subtitle would be Star Trek: The Ride, for this slam-bang summer actioner is a breathless thrill, although with little to say about science, ethics or any of the familiar subjects Trek is occasionally admired for.

For all the hype surrounding a bold new direction, Trek XI feels surprisingly familiar. Almost straight away we are given backstory about how this film ties into the others, and the villains (the Romulans) are the same enemies seen in the last Trek movie, Star Trek: Nemesis. However, Trek XI fairly shoehorns in the audience expectations, whether it's in dialogue: 'Dammit Jim! I'm a Doctor not a...' or 'I'm giving her all she's got!' 'Phasers on stun' to Kirk womanising and Spock doing a nerve-pinch and mind meld. So the film wants to be fresh, while keeping the branding.

The real changes appear to be in the camera-work, with direction dizzyingly fast and disorienting, portraying the internal mayhem of a starship under attack more effectively than any previous Trek film. To be fair to previous Trek movies, they haven't had the same amount of money thrown at them, and, while visually impressive, the use of re-dressed industrial locations to represent the bowels of various ships is a misfire (you never get the feeling that you are looking at the ship's engine - it's all a mess of pipes). The steel and concrete of these 'real-world' sets instantly drags the viewer out of a futuristic-looking world and into a rather cheap-looking one.

The film is also noticeably more violent than any previous Trek film, and, sadly for a future without money, product placement creeps into Trek for the first time in its history.

The film goes at full-tilt nearly all the time, and if you stop to think about the absurd meetings and convenient plot-developments, the edifice crumbles slightly.

One unfair criticism of the Trek series that were set in the 24th century (TNG, DS9, VOY) is that they were too soapy, too interested in the minutiae of the character's lives and not as interested in 'big ideas' like the Original Series. In this regard Trek XI has more in common with Picard, Janeway and Sisko as Kirk fails to lecture any aliens about the importance of freedom and democracy, but does spend time emoting about his dead father.

Yet Kirk's backstory is never explored. OK so he lost his father, but why does that mean he goes off the rails? Why is he hanging around shipyards if he hates Starfleet so much? Would one little jibe from a Captain reverse years of rebellion? The film moves so fast you can't even consider these questions. More focus on the origin story would have been welcome.

Plot holes abound - if Spock went back in time, why is Kirk being born on a starship? The official Star Trek website says he was born in Riverside, Iowa. Will Riverside be taking down its 'future birthplace' signs now? And Scotty-s 'transwarp beaming' - if you can beam anywhere, why the hell do you need starships? The plot falls apart after a cursory inspection. And why was Kirk promoted in a ship full of presumably better-experienced candidates?

Spock's romance with Uhura is also given no background or explanation and seems an instant-mix attempt to connect the audience to Spock and show him as more than the cold, unfeeling logic-monster he is. Yet other characters are given short shrift in the internal motivation stakes. Scotty is used as a comic foil, and Pegg's 'Scottish' accent is occasionally distracting as is the 'Wussian' - although Yelchin does his best at making Chekhov eccentrically charming. Sulu has almost nothing to do character-wise, so no change there then. The biggest disappointment is Bones McCoy, who never gets to have a heart-to-heart advice scene with 'Jim' - this film is a buddy movie and the third spoke in the TOS wheel is largely left out.

What also stuck in my craw was the 'execution' of Nero. So the dastardly Romulan refused help, fair enough, but why then phaser him into oblivion? Wasn't being sucked into a black hole enough? Spock's lack of mercy for Nero at this point was also troubling. Nero may have been willing to fight to the end, but what about his crew? I thought Kirk didn't believe in the no-win? Well a real win would have been the capturing of prisoners. Still, at least we see that baddies torture and goodies don't in Trek XI.

Fundamentally the film is exciting, and that is probably the 'Prime Directive' of this reboot. Will it convert a new generation of Trekkies? Maybe, but what will they then watch because of this new interest?

Any of the old TV series will be lacking the bells and whistles of the new film and seem hopelessly dull in comparison – if taken at surface value. While a successful Trek film is to be celebrated, Trek is at its best on the small screen, where it can explore issues in more depth. There just isn't any depth to the new Trek, it is indeed style over substance.

While there is nothing wrong with a stylish, fluffy Trek being at the cinema *if* a thoughtful Trek runs alongside it on TV, in this new 'timeline' there is now only one Trek, and it is a big cinematic confection of light and sound, signifying little.

So yes, I enjoyed Trek XI, but for me, Trek is really about TV and how this massive film will translate into a decent TV series is unknown.

Best Trek film ever? No. For me that honour still goes to 'Moby Dick in Space': Star Trek First Contact.

Casino Royale (2006)

Awful, worst Bond ever (in both senses)

[2/10 · 28 September 2008]

Sadly the film fails as an enjoyable Bond on many levels. Craig's portrayal of Bond is poor, he never gives an air of sophistication, breeding or wit, and his always-sour face makes him look like a grumpy toad. There are none of the gadgets we have come to love in Bond films, and no super-villains trying to take over the world. The whole thing is very small potatoes, and to be frank, a little dull. I didn't care what happened to Bond, or the world he inhabits. This Bond tries too hard to be the Bourne Identity and not enough of a spy fantasy. We needed more humour, more tech and more action, and less posturing. This Bond is a waste of time, Bond and the real world don't mix.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Why so serious, indeed?

[3/10 · 28 September 2008]

Those looking for some fun, a bit of entertainment, will be disappointed by The Dark Knight. It's almost as if the director is trying not to make a superhero film at all, its desperate attempts to make everything plausible and gritty ignoring the fact that the two protagonists are actually a mad clown and a man who dresses as a bat...

Fair enough if you don't want to make a superhero film, but if you don't want to make said film please don't pick one of the most famous superheroes of all time to drag down into an overlong grim-fest with far too much standing around and discussion of the film's plot.

As with the (superior) Batman of Tim Burton, once again the Joker dominates the film. The problem is that Ledger's Joker does not really play any jokes, have any gadgets, or try to make anyone laugh. The Joker should be scary AND funny, and Ledger fails in this regard. Bale's Batman is also portrayed as a thug, beating up an imprisoned Joker and dropping a villain out of a building. Isn't Batman supposed to be the 'World's Greatest Detective'? Isn't he supposed to use his brains and intelligence to outwit the villains, rather than just pounding them to a pulp? Perhaps this is a reflection of tactics deemed acceptable by the War on Terror but it isn't the Batman I admire.

Dark Knight's claim to realism is also blown out of the water by the Joker's merry band of mental hospital patients (!) managing to install huge amounts of explosives in hospitals, ferries, offices etc without anyone noticing till the conveniently dramatic crucial moment. Finally, the Batman rescues the Joker from falling to his death, because, after all, Bats is a hero. Sadly this contradicts his actions in Batman Begins where he refuses to save Ducard from certain death on the stricken Gotham monorail.

Overall, the film leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. For some viewers, the darker the better, and as a teenager I'm sure I would have loved this film. But if you want dark, watch a horror or a thriller, and leave superheroes alone to be larger than life. I'm not advocating a return to the days of the Joel Schumacher neon-nightmares, but this film should have allowed Batman to have a bit of fun, and be less of a thug.

Shaolin vs. Lama (1983)

Use the Buddha Finger!

[6/10 · 3 February 2008]

***Lots of spoilers!*** Shaolin vs Lama is a highly regarded old school kung fu flick with iconic dialogue sampled by musicians such as Depth Charge and Wu Tang Clan. It features use of the 'buddha finger' and a training technique where our hero punches circular holes in scrolls hanging from the ceiling, (with just one knuckle). The story revolves around a talented kung fu practitioner who is looking for someone better than him - this gives rise to some fights early on as he beats up a teacher who is scamming folk with his rubbish techniques. Apparently the hero has never heard of the shaolin temple as he meets a mischievous young monk who tries to help him get tuition from the master, (an incorrigible abbot who loves to drink, eat and fight).

Cue lots of slapstick as the lazy abbot swoops down from treetops to fight our hero while eating a chicken, and using his horrible 'bad foot' technique. Things get more serious when it is revealed that a Tibetan lama infiltrated the Shaolin temple and stole their kung fu manual, and is now trying to destroy the Shaolin (although quite why, is never explained, especially as both are Buddhist). Our hero eventually becomes a monk and swears to avenge the death of some girl or other he meets, as well as avenging the murder of the crazy abbot. He can't beat the villain until he learns 'buddha finger' technique which finally defeats the villain, who, in one of the more memorable conclusions to kung fu cinema, bashes in his own head while shouting "I.. am... the devil! I must die... to prove that Buddha exists..." I don't really understand the meaning behind this, but our hero learns that, in the end, mercy is better than revenge "I've learned to show mercy, to the end... even the wicked man...we don't kill him; that is our rule." And that's a nice bit of character progression, driven by Buddhism. I think the action scenes must be highly regarded, because to be honest the story and characters are not particularly amazing.

The Hunted (1995)

Japan is the biggest character in this ninja-filled exploitationer

[7/10 · 27 December 2007]

Christopher Lambert is a foreigner in Japan who gets caught up in a secret world of ninja cults and samurai warriors.... The Hunted is full of Japanese clichés - but that gives it its charm - the film *likes* Japan and enjoys sticking in such quintessentially Japanese scenery like castles, pachinko parlours, robotic toilets, the bullet train, taiko drummers (the famous drumming group Kodo appear), wooden bridges over rivers, paper screen doors, swordmakers, and of course ninja and samurai.

Lambert is charming throughout, his encounter with a mysterious lady in a nightclub is a sexy cliché, but Lambert's character is always likable and decent, and not stereotypically macho - he has to cower in a corner in some of the scenes where ninjas attack (although to be fair he was injured...) When Lambert manages to escape the first wave of (bloody) ninja attacks he goes to an island full of samurai who are dedicated to wiping out the evil ninja cult. In some ways it becomes a bit like The Last Samurai at this point, as Lambert's fish out of water has to learn how to handle a katana and bonds with a swordsmith.

It is silly, the dialogue is often weak, but it has some nice imagery of Japan, some brutal swordplay, and successfully keeps the film pacy and ... well.. cool. Ninjas are cool.

Having said that, it is low budget, the dialogue is often rubbish: (Cop: 'There are no ninjas in modern Japan!' {gets shot with arrow, dying} 'Looks like I was wrong! Lambert: 'Looks like?') Ho ho ho.

Nangman jagaek (2003)

Something for everyone?

[6/10 · 23 December 2007]

It seems like there's something for everyone here: swordplay, comedy, ghosts, magic, wire-work, beautiful girls, tragedy. That's sort of the appeal of Romantic Warriors, but also its curse:- it's hard to ride along with the current when the tone lurches from slapstick to revenge story and then to gross-out comedy. There's a bit of anti-Chinese sentiment as the big boss in the picture is a Chinese official who is meddling in the affairs of the country. The film is set in a period of civil war in Korea when the Chinese were trying to capitalise on the situation and cement their influence.

Although it's perhaps implied that the 'Romantic Warriors' are sort of Korean ninjas, they are more like a Robin Hood-style band of merry men. Having taken on a job to kidnap a man's runaway wife, they catch her in flagrante with her lover, a loud-mouth shaman. These two are the comic foils for the rest of the film as they are dragged along with the Warriors. We never learn of their fate at the end though they are prominent in the film throughout.

Essentially the Warriors choose to stay in an abandoned house while they hide from the Chinese. Unknown to them, it is haunted by the ghosts of five young women who have been collecting men's souls so they can reach nirvana (yes - I don't understand it either). The Warriors inadvertently drink the collected souls (which come from men in their tear-drops) and face the wrath of the ghosts who demand that they take revenge on the Chinese boss who killed them, so that they can reach nirvana / heaven. Various shenanigans ensue, including visiting a medieval nightclub (!) complete with smoke machines, and strobe lighting thanks to the use of mirrors and coloured glass! Crazy ideas like this (including one of the Warriors trying to do Ryu's fireball from the video game Street Fighter II) give it its charm. Or they may just annoy you.

There's more impetus for revenge when one of the Warriors has his little sister killed by the Chinese boss, but really the story is kind of second place to the over-the-top performances (although the Warrior who loses his sister gives an impressive performance of a good-natured, lovable oaf) and the silliness is strong in most of the scenes. You never really get to care about any of the characters though - only the leader of the group and the oafish Warrior are given any back-story - indeed the ghosts seem to get more screen-time (but then they are a group of attractive Korean ladies so it's not hard to see why).

There is a bit of wire-work and some action scenes (the Warriors do know how to fight when they get the chance) especially after the ghosts teach them spiritual sword techniques, but it's nothing special.

If you want an undemanding, silly-but-fun martial arts film with some genuinely funny (and disgusting) moments, and some Korean slapstick, Romantic Warriors may be worth a look. It's certainly different.

Ren gui she hu da jue dou (1978)

Pretty awful... spooker

[3/10 · 15 August 2007]

Well... the martial arts are stiff and slow, with little to no kicking (Carter Wong flails around in a ham-fisted way), the editing is terrible, Wong's acting is shambolic (he looks constipated and has some bizarre facial expressions) and the characters are ciphers.

But, then what do you expect? It's low-budget kung fu. Is that any excuse? Well... the film does have some charms. It starts out as Carter Wong's good-guy wanderer happening upon some girl being attacked and steps into help her. All very dull, but then it turns into a spooky supernatural genre flick. The girl is actually a fox spirit being pursued by a cobra spirit in human form.

A sub plot includes a ghost asking Wong for help to avenge her - and this is done quite well considering how cheap the film undoubtedly is. The ghost looks like Samara from the Ringu film (no doubt an archetype of ghosts in Asia - a woman in a white robe with long black hair covering her face) and the use of lighting, wind machines and sliding her along makes her appearances quite effective.

The sequence where the cobra spirit turns into a cobra is bizarre and rubbish (a series of shots of the actor in snake-style makeup with fangs and then a crude cut to a real cobra) but is very amusing. Special mention must be made to the master at the temple, who for some reason has long, pinkish purple hair.

Carter Wong also confronts the big boss with 'Did you rape and murder a woman?' Boss grins and says 'Yes!... I mean, no it wasn't me!'. Eh?? Why would he just say 'yes'??? So, as a martial arts film it fails, but if you want a chuckle at some crude supernatural stuff (including a scene where the fox spirit uses mind control magic on a baddie to attack his friends then strangle himself) then it might be worth a peek.

A Touch of Zen (1971)

Art - with all that entails

[7/10 · 28 July 2007]

Let me first say that this film is indeed a work of art - it is lyrical, spiritual and visually intriguing. However, as an action film I'm not entirely convinced. The fight scenes are nothing that special, though they are exceptionally well filmed, and our heroes leap around the screen in a way that doesn't seem inappropriate or false - you believe in the world of these people. But it is an extremely clever film and undoubtedly a highlight of Eastern cinema. The character development of Ku, is particularly impressive - initially refusing to grow up and take on responsibilities such as marriage, and eventually becoming a cunning freedom fighter and protector of a child. Unfortunately the other characters are too opaque, too much like ciphers, to really sympathise with. The development of genres is also very interesting, with the film starting out as a kind of ghost story and becoming a thriller with artistic and spiritual elements. If you are looking for lots of action and the kind of over-the-top antics we expect from Hong Kong, then don't look here. If you want to see stunning scenery, a languid but atmospheric pace, and beautiful images such as the sun rising over the silhouettes of Buddhist monks, then enjoy.

Ruan gu zhen nai (1978)

Weak kung fu film with circus-style acrobatics

[4/10 · 26 July 2007]

The unique selling point of the film is Phoenix Chen's contortion-ism and acrobatics - possibly the least practical fighting techniques ever captured on film, but hey, it's something a bit different.

The basic plot is that various orphans are taken in by Madame Kao who then teaches them fighting skills and acrobatics. A variety of complications ensue which, to be honest, I can barely remember, but it involves a town elder framing Madame Kao for selling dodgy medicine, leading to her eventual murder. There's a bit of a plot twist involving the town doctor toppling the corrupt town elder and taking over the crime gang, while Ah-Fei (another of Kao's students) falls out with Madame Kao over taking revenge on their enemies and temporarily joins the bad guys.

The film itself is pretty poor, the editing is rough and scenes jump around with little context. Enemies appear with little introduction (especially the 'drunken master' (see below) )The kung fu is nothing special apart from the circus-style acrobatics (used in a fairly surreal way to trap the big boss's head at the end). I was never sure what era the film was set in - I assumed early 20th or late 19th, because everyone is wearing traditional clothes, but then there's a guy in jeans and the crime gang seem to be wearing golf caps.

It's a pretty bog standard film - although one moment does stand out when, for no reason at all, a 'drunken master' and a Jackie Chan lookalike turn up to fight our heroes! My dub even had the Jackie Chan lookalike announce the fact he looked like Chan! There are also some odd moments of humour (cross dressing as a disguise etc) ported in at inappropriate moments.

One final note, I'm fairly sure that Wah Yuen (the landlord from Kung Fu Hustle) has a small part as one of the gangsters.

300 (2006)

Thoroughly nasty little film

[1/10 · 24 March 2007]

This film is quite grotesque in many ways. Firstly, it seems pretty homophobic (Athenians are insulted as 'boy lovers') and Xerxes is portrayed as some sort of bizarre, make-up-wearing effeminate. It teeters on the brink of racism (references to "asian hordes" are pretty disturbing and there is the slight stench of fascism about the whole thing) and the enemy are dehumanised headscarf-wearers. It's a pain to watch, lots of dull, cipher characters stomping about and shouting before a load of CGI-heavy violence takes place. Tiresome, slow-motion effects are over-used, the CGI often looks fake, and the sub-plot involving the Queen is bolted on and uninteresting. Everything is a gigantic cliché. Some critics have defended the film by saying that 300 does not really take itself seriously - (but if you read some of Frank Miller's post 11/9 interviews he expresses a lot of the sentiments echoed by the characters and themes in the film). If you do choose to view it without believing it's a joke then you are confronted by a nasty, spiteful little film that rants on meaninglessly about freedom without any context. It does seem weirdly like propaganda and no doubt will be popular with the U.S military. Everyone involved with this production should be thoroughly ashamed they were involved in this visually, aurally and intellectually unpleasant little film. It must be a miserable place inside Frank Miller's head. This production contributes absolutely nothing, not one micron to the sum total of human artistic endeavour or experience. And to finish on a lighter note, how annoying was David Wenham's narration? Was his voice played backwards through a faulty tape recorder? What's that accent all about?

Ninja in the Dragon's Den (1982)

Let me tell you a story about the Ninja!

[7/10 · 8 December 2006]

Very professional and entertaining blend of kung fu plus ninja action. The film stands out in relation to its two male leads who are both charismatic, good looking and competent fighters. Conan Lee is surely the George Lazenby of the kung fu world, as his physique, technique and English were clearly good enough to allow him to become a major name in kung fu movies. His fairly comedic turn here is contrasted by Hiroyuki Sanada who gives an intense performance as the ninja 'in the dragon's den'. There are a lot of stand out scenes - from the opening montage of ninjas training (and the pop song about the 'legend of the ninja' which goes with it), to the horse-based action, the traps set by Lee for the ninja, (especially the stunt involving jumping into a burning lake - absolutely mental) and the assassination attempt at the water mill. There's plenty of good ideas and neat scenes going on, and the fighting is of a good standard- there's even a surprise twist ending. Probably not a great insight into Chinese or Japanese culture as the film is pretty light-hearted throughout, our hero has a comedy sidekick for example, but this is somewhat contrasted with the more serious ninja side-story. A delightful romp.

Nan quan bei tui zhan yan wang (1977)

Fairly complex story - OK kung fu

[5/10 · 6 December 2006]

A fairly complex plot for a kung-fu movie involving the arrival in town of a wandering killer. Meanwhile all kinds of subplots are happening, from a counterfeiting gang, and the spoilt son of the local town boss killing an old woman. Top kicker Tan Tao Liang is the police chief and has to track down the young man, while his father tries to cause difficulties. All the characters have a nice little back-story. Top kicker Tan Tao Liang has a dark past, and owes his status as chief to the town boss, while smirking killer Don Wang is hired by the same boss to stop him - but does he have an ulterior motive? Special mention must be made to the albino 'hunchback' Tommy Lee (no, not THAT Tommy Lee) who has some cool jumping powers. The fight scenes are OK - top kicker Tan Tao Liang obviously has some great leg action. The end sequence fight between our 3 characters is very entertaining and well executed - with a vicious death for the loser! It also has some resolution at the end - usually kung fu films of this era stop dead after the last baddie dies.

Owls' Castle (1999)

Don't come here for action

[6/10 · 5 December 2006]

This was a hit in its native Japan, possibly because of its meditative style and pondering on the nature of things. It certainly isn't full of action (there's no really impressive action until about 3 quarters of the way through). A ponderous pace leaves a lot of room for atmospheric tension and some nice strolls through Kyoto, as well as a lot of ear-bashing conversations between characters. The actual assassination attempt is a bit of a let-down as well. Certainly this seems entirely aimed at the Japanese audience, with some supernatural elements (the man in the grass?) that are perhaps over the heads of Westerners. Still, it looks great and feels authentic. Just not much happens.

Kung-Fu Commandos (1979)

A lot of fun

[8/10 · 5 December 2006]

Enjoyably silly kung fu version of the dirty-dozen, with comedy characters and high-jinx mixed in with a dash of mildly gory violence. A bunch of misfits (why these guys were selected for an 'incredible mission' is never explained) have to be turned into 'top kung fu fighters' by top kicker John Liu. The misfits consist of a strongman (who looks and sounds like Vinnie Jones), an acrobat, a cowardly coffin maker, a guy who works in a brothel (and looks fairly convincing when dressed as a woman in one of the film's sillier plot strands) and a couple of standard guys. Robert Tai must get a mention as an albino bad guy with a cool cape. There's also some picturesque locations, from steaming volcanic mountains to lonely windmills on a hill. As a fan of cheesy dubbing, the voice-overs are hilarious, from John Liu's cowboy style drawl to some bizarre nerdy snivelling voices for the film's baddies and our hero undertaker. Some genuinely funny jokes (the juggler revealing his 'speciality' and the entire team remaining completely unimpressed) and great lines "When I say jump, you bloody well jump, and when I say crawl, you bloody well crawl!" to "Teacher, what should we do if you tell us to kill you? ....You should do it, but I'm unlikely ever to ask you!" (this followed by a crash zoom of John Liu's smirking face - it's not foreshadowing, it's never mentioned again). The kung fu is pretty good - a lot of complicated group fighting. There's even a twist at the end! A lot of fun, I enjoyed it - although the ending is sad, Hamlet-style death for everyone except 'top kicker' John Liu.

Ba bai luo han (1985)

Lots of extras, lots of fast fights, chopped up story.

[6/10 · 5 December 2006]

A fairly high budget martial arts picture with some nice monastic locations and large numbers of extras. The action itself is pretty fast and acrobatic, though there's a fair bit of 'flailing arms' style. However there's some impressively speedy weapons fighting and jumping. The plot revolves around the 'harsh rules' of a Buddhist monastery that prevents the monks from fighting the baddies, although no spiritual / religious explanation is given for this pacifism and, as others have commented, seems like an overt criticism of Buddhism in general (although the monks suddenly come to their senses in time because of our hero's example). The bigger budget means the camera-work is more dynamic with some nice lens flare shots and interesting use of fades, but the cuts are sudden, as is the ending. For fans of bad dubbing, the voices are fairly poor but not particularly funny - although at one point an evil official sings an Irish folk song! There are no really interesting or dynamic characters, however, (what happened to our hero's master? he just disappears) and the film is crudely split into two halves - 'Buddhist rules oppression' and 'revenge'. There's also a bizarre bit with some birds attacking our heroes - it seemed to be crow corpses being thrown in their faces from off screen. Bit weird.

The Emperor and the Assassin (1998)

Meditative courtly intrigue

[7/10 · 3 December 2006]

The pace of the film is ponderously slow in parts, but if you can tune into its languid speed and lengthy silences then it is a satisfying piece of courtly intrigue. The story of the first Emperor of China, his childhood sweetheart and the personal cost of power. The film is very atmospheric, the extremely mannered and polite courtly ceremony and ritual contrasted with sudden brutal violence. Filmed in a way that evokes shadows and cold spaces. Battle scenes are rare and short, the focus is on the battle within the individual on what is right to do and whether the ends justify the means. The emperor's journey from idealistic peacemaker to ruthless tyrant is aiming to be subtle, but gives little background or convincing insight into the motivation of the Emperor, indeed his actions and aims do not really change throughout, only Gong Li's attitudes to him are altered. The most interesting performances are Gong Li's and the titular Assassin as they reassess when to fight, when to retreat, when to kill. The most expensive film ever made in China at the time, the Emperor and the Assassin does not rely on hysteric emotion or big battles, but rather a brooding atmosphere of menace and inevitability. Gong Li fans will be unsurprised to hear she is as stunningly beautiful as ever, giving an understated performance.

Tian di ying xiong (2003)

Flawed but entertaining - *contains spoilers*

[7/10 · 3 December 2006]

Very similar in theme to a Western, including absolutely stunning scenery of Chinese desert mountain ranges and lush pine forests like those often seen in cowboy movies. A bunch of retired war buddies loyally follow their ex-commander on one last mission to protect a mysterious caravan journeying to the capital. The positive points about the film include the charming performances from Wen Jiang as the leader, Kiichi Nakai as the Imperial agent and Deshun Wang as 'Old Die-hard' who really lend the picture some gravitas and show total commitment to their performances. Xueqi Wang is especially good as an arrogant villain, his dead blue-eyed stare evoking cold menace. As others have mentioned, the scenery is stunning, with lovely shots of camels crossing the desert and horses along rocky plateaus. The film really is a chance to see landscapes ignored by Hollywood. The religious element to the cargo so disdained by other reviewers was a nice little touch, something I did not expect - it had to be an artifact of this nature to raise the stakes and commit the soldiers to protecting it. For those with an interest in Buddhism it is a nice little element. Sadly the Buddhist precept of doing no harm is not followed by the plot when the relics kill the evildoers - perhaps not what Lord Buddha would do. I was also unsure if the monk was supposed to be Shakyamuni Buddha himself? Xueqi Wang's character seemed to recognise him at the end - was he a reincarnation? I had to watch the movie twice to fully understand what was going on - sudden cuts leave out portions of action, explained away by such narration as 'they gave up the chase and we arrived at the fortress' - there's a fair bit of telling rather than showing. The ending is particularly sudden, once the relics dispose of the baddies we aren't even sure which of our heroes are alive - we just suddenly jump to the capital. The fight scenes are frenetic but are deliberately filmed in close shots and in a rapid-fire confusing manner, meaning we are never sure who is fighting whom and who is winning. Most of these problems, I suspect are down to lack of budget or time. The film has beautiful scenery, some very nice locations at desert forts and towns, an interesting visual combination of Chinese and Arab cultures, and an undemanding Western style plot with some nice tense battles and good performances. You don't really care about the characters as individuals, but you want them to succeed.

Steamboy (2004)

Charming

[7/10 · 20 July 2006]

Unjustly ignored in the UK where Miyazaki is currently all the rage, this is a charming story that is set in Victorian England. For those of us from the North, who live amongst the remnants of the industrial towns, it makes for a unique story. A hero from Manchester! There is a subtext involving science as danger and science as progress, and the relationships between father and son, but it is difficult to follow and never really works. Perhaps something was lost in translation. Most importantly the art design and attention to detail is stupendous, and really evokes nineteenth century England. There's some great retro mecha designs too. Patrick Stewart also gets a chance to use a Northern accent for once, even if he's from Yorkshire! Not at all disappointing.