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Rambo: Last Blood (2019)
Home Alone 7
To be honest, I'm not a huge Rambo-Franchise fan, yet I thought it was about a vietnam veteran suffering from CSR (mis)using his war skills to defend himself or to use it for mostly "good" deeds. First blood actually is one of my all time favourite action movies albeit me being not american, never been in the army, nor liking action movies that much.
However, this last episode, at least to me, puts shame on the title "Rambo". It's far from its original premise and more like am exploitation film that's all about gore, revenge and violence while covering this bold attempt on a horror movie with a sub-serious story that is easily negligible.
Spoilers from here on:
So we all that girl is definitely talking to her real dad albeit being told not to do so. We all know what happens next. She gets drugged, cur and dies because senior-Rambo is incompetent, doesn't get her into a hospital nor helps her at all but takes her on a roadtrip back to mexico, just to prove he isn't incompetent at all a few scenes later by slaughtering a whole army of redshirts on his own. Rambo even knows how to have fun killing by listening to The Doors while slaughtering several men running through tunnels. This extended tunnel scene, which is actually the main reason for most people to watch this movie, actually reminded me more of an adult mixture of Bill Murray hunting the gofer in caddyshack and Macaulay Culkin hunting the wet bandits in Home Alone. Sadl there is barely any connection to that one man army "John Rambo" who is hiding in the bushes in Fraser valley fighting police officers and the military in defense. The end scene reveals everyone Rambo ever loved is dead, but he will still fight on to keep their memories alive - reminder, he is actually the person who is to blame for the death of Gabriella...but ye, let's skip forward to final blood in which Stalone will be like 85 years old?! He may find crystal skulls and slaughter dozens of aliens to keep the memories alive.
No Spoilers/Summary:
If you like blunt and somewhat inanley actionmovies with alot of blood and gore, you will have some fun watching Rambo last blood. Sadly it is not a horror movie, which is a genre I prefer, but a want-to-be serious action flic. The story is not relevant to the plot.
If you are into good action movies I'm sure you wouldn't waste time watching this movie.
Floor Is Lava (2020)
Not worthwhile
The Host is a car nerd while the participants are (bad) actors - not a good constellation for a wipeout-like family show. The 5 courses are fun at first, but keep repeating in season 2, which is plain boring. Also, what's with all the cringy comments? Why do the number of participants and/or teams vary from room to room? Seems like the show wasn't thought through and one can feel it. I doubt that the 10.000$ were real - no team seemed wanting to win nor were really happy when they won.
One personal note: The whole show is very american up to a point at which I wanted to quit watching - I hope it was a hit over there though.
Would only recommend to very easily entertained people.
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
A.L.F. meets the Smurfs
I'm not even sure what to write about this movie. I just wanted it to end really. I don't got kids at an age the movie was made for, which might be the problem. I grew up with sonic games and loved them. Which is too bad. Since this movie is not at all aimed at sonic fans older than 16 but only at kids of older fans, who don't necessarily know sonic at all, but are all in for mainstream American blockbuster movies.
There's nothing wrong with this. The acting is good, there is popular music, there's alot of action, cgi is great. It's just that this movie doesn't need to be about sonic. It could be any character really. Its story is actually the same as in that A.L.F. movie. The humour is the same as in any angry birds/Lego/minions animated clip. The whole "fantasy-character meets the real world" reminds me of the animated smurf movies.
Why is everything so exchangeable right now?
Even if I would be okay with all of the above stated, I'm not okay with the screenwriting.
Sonic can run at Lightspeed and can emit emp shockwaves which could easily end the movie in seconds (emp vs robots = win, getting to San Francisco by running = seconds). But he ends up in an all American roadtrip with Marsden, eating chili-dogs, talks about farting, dances alot and leaves fighting robots with a flashlight to his new best friend Tom, his wife and his cute dog.
I can only accept this since it may be funny to kids and the fact that this movie is not about the game sonic. It's about an alien lifeform that is left lonely on a new planet and is up to find a new home on earth having to deal with the good and bad aspects of human mankind searching for friendship and family. Yep, this is 2020th ALF.
The best about this movie to me is Jim Carrey as robotnik. There could've been no better cast.
As you can tell by now, I'm well disappointed with this movie. There should have at least been more fan service. The 2 minute intro of sonics world is way too short. Where is that classic music and sound? Why is there only 2 sonic characters. Who is that robotnik sidekick? Why is the end credits the only real sonic moment in this movie? It's not easy to write this, but even the Super Mario Bros. movie tried harder!
At last, I'm glad they changed Sonic's look during production! This barely ever happens!
If you're with kids who are alright with massive use of weapons this movie might be for you. If you are in search for a well made game adaptation with massive fan service - don't bother watching.
Gingerclown (2013)
Tries to hard to be bad
I'm actually quite a fan of early horror movies and I'm all in for puppets and creature horror and of course: Trash. Sadly this movie has so many issues I couldn't enjoy it.
The none existing plot, the hilariously bad actors, the weird dialogues the bad effects - it's all here and at first the movie seems to be quite okay. But the further you advance, one can tell the creator tried to hard at producing trash without getting the essence.
The puppets for example I really liked. They are weird, badly animated, talking nonsense at best and are quite original. But you see every puppet for just around 5 minutes in a small monologue, sometimes a small dialogue. Just when you get to understand the idea of the presented weird character, the scene is over without further interaction of the main characters with the creatures. One does wonder why all other creatures than the clown are in this movie when their only purpose is "to be there".
Also, most puppets seem only to be built as head and hands/arms. When their bodies are shown, one can clearly see that there's a puppeteer under a black curtain moving the parts. Yeah, that's quite trash, but it feels like the creators didn't even try.
The worst part of this movie might be the missing horror aspects. Why bring like 10 different weird creatures that want too kill everybody, but only 3 main actors, of which only 1 gets killed? There are like 10 teens in m at the beginning of the movie! Why not integrate them in the movie?
The dialogues as said before are okay. To much insulting though, the 80s weren't that insulting imho. Also why are some creatures interacting with the main characters while others don't seem to even see them.
To sum it up:
This movie tries to hard to be Trash. Actors seem to play their worst on purpose, not because they are bad actors. The puppets are half ar*ed, and they should've never shown them full size. There is no horror. There movie tries to be funny but isn't
I actually wish the movie was better, since there is not many puppet-horror-movies anymore.
Last Shift (2014)
Been there, don't that.
I feel like I actually have seen too many horror movies at this point. This one isn't particularly bad, it is quite good but has a lot of unused potential. It has a good main actor, good camera, good soundscape. One rarely get all of this in one movie!
What ruined it for me, at least so much that I can't fully recommend to watch it, was the way the story is forced into the movie. The creepy and often scary parts which this movie clearly offers and plays out well, are interrupted with a storyline, that itself is interesting and useful for the movie, but at the same time very simple and could have been explained in other ways. I don't think the story has to be explained by in-movie movies and conversations with random appearing characters. It feels like the movie builds up tense and shivers, there's strange creepy happenings when suddenly someone or something has to explain bits of the story. That's not scary, it ruins nearly every moment.
The movie could have been better if the story was maybe teased in the beginning and unfolded at the end instead of the given interruptions.
Also I don't get some of the characters introduced. Some comments on here spoil those and yes, some characters seem useless to me. At some point in the movie I wished the main character was left alone for just some time instead of throwing new characters at her every minute. The most thrills I got was when she was playing solo on screen, creating that certain horror vibe I actually like a lot.
Still, this is a movie one can easily recommend to horror movie fans (hence the 6*) though it still uses plain old jump scares and ruins some really creepy moments to expose the (not so complex) story. If you haven't seen many horror movies, this one has several good scenes to frighten up your night!
Battleship (2012)
Hilariously Bay-esque, unwillingly funny.
A Movie that made me laugh harder than most comedies in the last 30 years. It's odd how even the lowest standards of movie making are ignored just to create a movie around any toy-line they happen to have bought a license of.
I don't want to dig further into it. It feels like Watching pearl harbor with aliens + Rihanna, because why not. The story is dull at best: Aliens attacking America (again), America is great, the Doucheb ag gets the girl like it never happens in real life. Could be any action/sci-fi movie created between 2000 and 2020 really.
The only thing reminding us of the game battleship is how the alien's ammo looks and how the human "forces" coordinate their firing.
This movie screams Michael Bay...which is a bad thing.
Wonder what oddity they will produce next. Monopoly the movie? With robot alien Rich Uncle Pennybags trying to take over Park Place and Boardwalk?
I know movies like these have alot of fans.
El hoyo (2019)
lovely ugly brutal world
I love this movie, but I never want to see it ever again! And that's the best thing I can say about a movie showing you the disgust of this world's society as brutal and harsh as it really is.
This movie is brilliant and left me in a dark room, thinking for 1 for after watching it. I barely have ever seen a more brutal movie, and trust me, I've seen many weird and brutal movies in my life, human centipede, hostel, cube, hunger, etc. being just some of them. This movie is different from those kind of movies since it makes you question yourself, society, the world.
The platform is like snowpiercer reduced to the basic Statement with the asthetics of cube and a plot twisting around La Grande Bouffe or maybe the direct opposite to it. The movie is even unwillingly funny at times, which adds to it's brutality. I couldn't laugh at all.
Be aware there's torture, rape, murder, defecation, cannibalism in this movie! And that's not even causing the main horror of this movie...this is definitely not your fun flick for the weekend!
It's worth watching if you can stand the pain. It has passages I really wanted to skip but ended up not doing it...
The Bye Bye Man (2017)
a story untold
First of all: I've seen far worse movies than this one. Giving it 1 star would just not do the other movies justice. Yes, the actors aren't good, the story is pretty weird at times (read on!), the whole movie isn't played out great. Still it has a creepy atmosphere, most viewers may relate to the characters' emotions. In general it's your average horror flick to watch with easily creeped friends. You should just not think about it too much.
The biggest failure of the movie is that it had a great back story and missed to implement the main plot:
It just never tells you who the bye bye man is! It rather tries to create another "Candyman" while it would be so much better sticking to it's origin "the bridge to body Island'.
Spoilers!
The actual back story is about a man who gets scorned and tormented so much, he seeks revenge, which then it turns him into a serial killer who travels through the states by train rather than being a "hallucination" that no one but Elliott, who has visions of trains for no good reason, can see.
The dog is actually called "Gloomsinger", and was sewed together by the bye bye man himself to help him track his victims after turning blind himself. It needs dead bodies or it will decay. The bye bye man has no intention of turning students mad so they start killing each other. Also, why is not a single person in the movie questioning the dog who eats dead bodies?!
The bye bye man is said to be pale (albino) with long hair, tattooed and wearing glasses and a hat. He's carrying a sack of organs. So it's not that bald funny dude in a scream-costume that can be seen in this movie. Also, why is no one in the movie ever mentioning that robe standing in their bedroom, turning into a vision of a hallucination of the bye bye man.
Also, why do the characters never talk about their hallucinations but beat around the bush, taking about the bye bye man all the time without actually figuring out anything (like his dog, the train, the coins?) at all.
The writer of the bye bye man may have misunderstood or just glanced over the original story or, and we know that's more likely, did change the plot in purpose, knowing that pseudo mythical events do buzz on most algorithms these days.
The original story of the bye bye man would have ended in plain old slasher movie.
But most of us would have loved to see that slasher movie!
Serbuan maut (2011)
Predictable, but entertaining action flick.
Entertaining action movie with a very predictable story and not much we haven't already seen.
Lots of hand to hand combat, a bit of shooting. Sure, a must see for martial arts fans. I'm not sure about none hardcore martial arts fans like me.
The acting is good (at least dubbed), the action is there, but the movie left me half way, after 15 of 20 policemen are already dead and the story is explained though obvious hints to the audience. After that the movie just dribbles through very long fist fighting and even less story than before.
The raid felt to me like someone wanted to create a movie about pencak silat and had to come up with a mafia-like story to wrap around it. It's sad that only one of the 20 policemen is able to "use" pencak silat while the others are just there to feed the story but need to die quickly so Iko Uwais can shine...that's actually very American and I don't like it.
Seeing so many 8-10* reviews I expected much more. It's only a 6* to me.
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
A rather bad but entertaining movie.
I have seen much worse movies in my life. That said, this isn't a good movie at all! But it is also not that 1* movie many reviewers want to make you believe it is.
Acting is mostly believable, if it weren't for the character "Jake". I do accept the character only because he's not taking the whole thing very seriously, which is understandable because:
Effects and story are weak! Especially compared to the original jaws movies this one has a very unbelievably bad shark animatronic - which makes the whole movie feel trash-ish.
And that's what makes it so hilariously fun. The whole "serious" acting around a bad manufactured robot shark + the nonsense story is quite some fun. I enjoyed it and I think, if you don't take this movie to serious, you might be entertained as well.
I personally will never understand 1* rant-ratings. There are movies really worth 1*, this one isn't a 5+ but definitely not as bad as many other horror flicks.
I think jaws 3D had a better story but, due to 3D, worse effects and no real connection to the jaws series. Both are a 3* to me.
Open Grave (2013)
Tries to be smart
Actually, just 10 minutes in the movie I got the whole story, while the actors did not even get it till the end.
It's a nice twist on movies alike in this genre, but really not a smart one. The whole movie is based on the fact that everyone lost their memory, which is somehow explained later, but still a very poor way to create a story. Since the story itself is quite nice, but pretty short and superficial, I'd have loved to see a more creative way to handle this otherwise nice material
Sadly there are massive errors in this movie which I can't stand at all:
!Spoilers!
- if you woke up somewhere and find a house, wouldn't you checks all rooms? They don't find the secret laboratory till later and they never find the secret room the silent woman lives in
- why is only Jonah remembering working on a vaccination and why does he still never gets it until he finds the vaccination?! The backflashes are more than clear
- the silent woman can't speak but also never tries to use hand signals or simply write.
- the calender marks a specific date on which something will happen, why don't they all just wait for this date? It wouldn't help them, but ignoring it is just stupid?
- Overall, I'm pretty disappointed by the "crew" not acting at all like doctors, but a bunch of teenagers. Doctors would, I hope, use science and logic, the characters in this movie are all overly emotional and barely act rational.
- if Sharon knows everything in the end scene, why doesn't she tell him, but wrote it on a piece of tiny paper. I know it's so he can remember it later, but Sharon can't foresee that they both will be vaccinated and she up without memory - again, when writing the letter.
- how in earth did the silent woman survive the last scene when just everyone gets killed? She must be good at hiding.
!Spoilers off!
Overall the acting is good, sound is good. Story is okay, but ends up weakly since it only works because of strange and cheap decisions of just leaving everything open, while it's clear to the viewer
I can't recommend this movie, not even for fun
Cell (2016)
Totally not a 1* movie
I don't know the book but I actually enjoyed the movie quite a bit. It's not the most clever movie in the world but has alot to like about it.
It's a twist on common zomby movies, with unwillingly funny, but also some really creepy parts. It also has great acting and, at least to me a lovely ending (I guess if you don't know the book?!). Guess you shouldn't watch it if you like the book and are easily annoyed by movie adaptations. If you don't expect the best ever movie in the world you might enjoy this movie.
Also, reading all this 1* reviews I actually wonder if they seen the trash I have seen in my life. It's quite weird how some people grow anger on movies and rate 1*. This is a solid 5 to me.
Noah (2014)
I didn't expect much, and still was disappointed
I don't go as low as 1 star for this review since the actors played nice and the story was "okay" for what it was. I truly adore Aronofski for his works in the past and therefore forgive him this unsuccessful try to reinvent a biblical story. Still I can't rate it higher than 4 stars, why? This movie shows what's wrong with a lot of movies to date. Filled with mediocre cgi, a reheated story, just equipped with more violence and sex than needed...oh ye, and monsters of course! I don't say that sex, violence and monsters aren't any nice, but they don't make for a good movie "anymore"! In case of Aronofski, who really did create some masterpieces, "Noah" is weak. And for me a complete waste of time.
I hope it was just some kind of slip and he will go back to give us something less popcorn-munching to spend our money on.