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christophercarmeloroman
Reviews
Poor Things (2023)
Weird and gross
This movie kinda sucks. I didn't know anything about it till award season took off. Now... today. Pi day 2024 I have seen this movie and I do not enjoy it.
It feels weird that the woman with the brain of a baby goes on a sexual journey. Usually I'm all about sexual exploration in movies, but this is so weird and gross. I can't get past the child brain aspect.
The best part of this movie is performances and Wes Anderson inspired visuals.
Its story is kinda like if Frankenstein and Forrest Gump were mashed together in a Series of Unfortunate events. Just add a ton more sex.
It's not the worst and is definitely geared towards a certain group of artsy independent film enjoyers. But if you like it, you like it. I'm not judging you but I'm judging this movie.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Worse than Crystal Skull
So you're telling me that after Crystal Skull, which was a mess and a bit ridiculous, your next step was this? A movie where Indiana is treated terribly the whole time with bad callbacks and bad pacing. Look we all know Harrison is older and grumpier, but to give him the Luke Skywalker treatment is just bonkers to me.
Why are we constantly making movies where we're ruining childhood figures? At this point in my life I would rather see remakes and retellings of these old characters than sequels. All they seem to do is take a beloved figure and ruin who they were with minor callbacks to make you go "Oh I remember that." I'd rather see a new Indy with a new adventure in a retelling that pays homage but is brand new. They've been doing it for James Bond all these years, they can do it for Indy. Now that I'm done crying about that, let's get into the movie.
Indiana Jones fights Nazis for an old relic that will allow the Nazis to win WW2. All the while his god daughter shows up and robs him, tries to sell off said artifact and then they get into a wacky back and forth that disrespects a beloved character, gives us a new Short Round and is constantly like "Hey remember how you liked the car chases in the other movies? Well here's 40 of them for not a whole lot of reason."
I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to give it a chance and not feel like I did with the recent Star Wars but Disney can't handle Lucasfilm properties. They can't get out of their own way and this movie is just another failure. At least Crystal Skull attempted to be different and failed that way. This movie tried more of the same with modern tropes that just takes away any enjoyment.
PS
The CGI in this movie is also poop and looks worse than Crystal Skull did, you couldn't convince me otherwise.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)
Fantastic
I find that as I get older I just go into things with nothing. No expectations. No knowledge of what things are about. And honestly I find myself happier in the outcome.
This movie like the first movie are just gems. As a Millenial who grew up with the OG games and have played through many of them since, this movie is just a love letter.
Sure the human aspect is weird and not really necessary, but Jim Carrey is perfect for this role and carries the movie as much as the titular game characters. I just found myself smiling and cheering and just in general happy with this film. Can't wait for the next one.
Haunted Mansion (2023)
A good time and a good movie
There's a lot of reviews from people on here where they seem disappointed in this movie. I'm the exact opposite. From start to finish this movie had a lot of heart and a lot of solid moments.
It did I feel have a bit more comedy in it than I really think it needed but that was my only real complaint.
The cast did great. LaKeith is a fantastic actor who can really hold down a scene. Tiffany Haddish did well and Owen Wilson was fun to watch. I didn't feel much from Rosario as much as I would have liked but she has probably the funniest line in the movie.
The effects were better than I thought. In fact the cinematography and lighting was damned good. It really had a lot of style without over doing it and I thought the ghosts designs were really on point. However I was disappointed in that it never felt like the ghosts were at the forefront or a major part of the movie, just conveniently placed when needed.
Some of the iconic ones from the ride appear, but it's like a weak Easter egg vs what should be a cameo.
Either way I scored this pretty high because unlike recent Disney films I had fun watching this one and it didn't feel like a cop out or pandering or aggressively gen z. So I stand by it as an 8/10.
History of the World: Part II (2023)
Adequate
So there's something that's always been great about Mel Brooks comedy, and that is the ability to use pop culture and relevant information in such a goofy way.
That being said this does that but it's not in full Mel fashion but in Nick Kroll fashion. I didn't realize he was a director on this till I started watching it and it was quite obvious whose style it was. But that's not a bad thing. I think it's funny and in various moments quite clever.
It was slightly disappointing in that I don't feel like at any point the attention to detail in the set pieces were anything more than a poor MadTV set.
Overall more enjoyable than I was expecting and I'm glad that Mel Brooks was at least able to be attached and did participate in the writing. It's there and you can feel it.
I loved all the cameos as well. It's just loaded but I enjoyed it very much. So check it out if you just need some goofy laughs.
Hercules (2014)
Not a travesty. Not a masterpiece.
This Hollywood trope of taking legends and making them human is silly. I don't go to see gods be reduced to men. I expect to see men become gods.
I would've preferred to see Hercules go through his trials than this boring version where he trains soldiers then at some point actually shows his power.
It's better than that other garbage movie but not by much. I probably would be more inclined to enjoy this move too if it wasn't the Rock. I love Dwayne Johnson but it's hard to see him with hair or as anything else than himself. It's bizarre and weird.
However against all that, it's shot well, it's fun and the cast is incredible. Also it's still the rock so it's goofy in a way and he's a mountain that makes me want to work out and get that big.
Vikingulven (2022)
Entertaining
I really liked this movie. It's got some cliches in it and the plot isn't the most original, but as far as werewolf movies go in my opinion it does just fine. The visual effects are way better than I thought they would be with some pretty solid practical ones.
I only had minor nitpicks in terms of the movie itself. My biggest gripe is how underdeveloped some of the characters are. They have a broad range of characters all over the place but none of them feel like the main one. There's some pacing problems and some dialogue silliness but over all it's enjoyable. It's a movie that you can really just let be what it is and that is a movie about a werewolf murdering people.
Troll (2022)
Sad, dumb movie
This movie is a hodgepodge of a million movies mashed into one.
But none of it was good. It's the story about a woman who's not into cryptids, but somehow she's an expert on a topic the military needs and it doesn't make any sense. She brings in her dad who is an expert, but then breaks his balls about not using the word troll when he clearly is the only person who knows what's up.
Then it's a movie about humans bullying a creature that is just trying to figure out why it's awake in a time not of it's own.
It's a well shot movie with great visuals, but the story is so dumb it isn't worth the time.
God of War Ragnarök (2022)
Stunning
In as few words as I can muster, this game is truly a masterful work of art. 2018 GoW was a masterpiece and was gonna be tough to top. This game improved on everything in the first.
I can't tell you how but you just feel it. The performances by everyone is on par for some of the greatest performances ever in media hands down, but Christopher Judge and Sunny Suljic have such a chemistry and respect for their characters that every line is organic and every story beat is powerful.
It may not be the same for many, but for me this is the greatest game I've ever experienced. If this is the last God of War game for another decade I will be ok. It truly will be difficult for it to get any better than this.
Kimetsu no Yaiba (2019)
The absolute best
I have been a major Anime fan ever since I accidentally found Dragon Ball Z back in like 96. And Dragon Ball has been the staple to all my favorite animes because there was never one that ever topped it for me.
There have been some close ones but Dragon Ball is top.
This however just knocked the king from its throne. This show starts with a bang and like Game of Thrones is always tossing a curveball your way. However unlike GoT this show is constantly showing promise and raises its own bar.
The animation is beautiful and consistently beautiful. It's movie quality and the show has very little filler. It's brutal, funny, emotional... Demon Slayer is the greatest anime currently and if you're seeing this and thinking you may want to start it, how about you just go ahead and hit that start button.
Perfect.
Cowboy Bebop (2021)
True to life remake
I loved the style and form of the original show. I feel like they did a great job bringing that style and life to live action.
Could it be better in some places? Sure
But overall I feel it's very true.
My only gripe would be with the casting. Not everyone felt correct but I felt they were good enough to pass. Spike and Jet Black were great. Faye was over performed.
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
Best of both, Worst of both
I'm a huge Star Wars fan and a big anime fan. I was very excited for this cause it finally meshed both things i like into a fun and exciting mashup. Mostly. Not all of these are hits but as they are only 15+ minutes long they could only do so much.
However the ones that are hits, hit all the right notes. My biggest complaint is the scoring. Some of it is fantastic, but none of it completely gives into the classic tunes we know and love. I would have loved to hear the renditions of Binary Sunset or Battle of Heroes from across the seas.
The Duel for me is the best and I think could have been a full masterpiece had it given us a Duel of the Fates play.
Overall though I hope they do more or pick the ones best received and give us miniseries or full because damn if I'm not already itching.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Fantastic
Look, I've seen so many reviews about how bad this movie is and I gotta say, it's not gonna win any awards. But as a life long MK fan this was everything I wanted. Quick actions, some brutal deaths, and what I thought was pretty solid effects.
It doesn't have the greatest story and our main character is weak, but there's nothing that happens in this iteration that's out of pocket. It's campy and gory and I feel like a lot of the characters presented were fairly faithful. Even if it was more like cameo presentations than actual deep dives.
In terms of fun though, this is one of the most fun video game movies with the best version of Kano ever seen. I can't wait to own this title and look forward to the sequel coming out.
Doragon Bôru Sûpâ Burorî (2018)
If you don't love this you don't love Dragon Ball
From the OG cell shaded work, to the insane combat, this movie Delivers everything that the last 30 years has been striving towards.
There are significant changes and alterations to the lore but they work in favor of fleshing out a fuller history. Yes I will always love Bardock Father of Goku as an origin story but this one gave me the honorable sacrifice that movie originated.
But that being said this movie is love and it's art
I love it
The Art of Self-Defense (2019)
Robots are sexist
Is everyone in this movie a robot? This movie is so weird and I wanted to like it. I love martial arts. I love martial arts movies. But this is a travesty to the world of karate.
It's over the top but fails to be humorous. And fails to be serious. It's like a fever dream about a kid with autism trying to learn self defense but everyone is horribly sexist and awful.
I didn't want to hate this movie but there's nothing I can appreciate about it. If you're looking for goofy over the top karate go watch The Foot Fist Way. This is not the movie
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Safe
I loved this movie. It's the most Star Wars film in the last 15 years. Yes it's very safe, it's pacing is insane, and the fan service is incredibly high.
But it sticks the landing. If you're looking for a sequel to Last Jedi this is not it.
If you're looking for a sequel to The Force Awakens this is both of them.
This ending is what we needed and while it is not without its problems it wraps up the saga and feels like Star Wars.
It's cast deserves praise as the collaborative performance just pushes the film forward and you end up caring for the gang and their journey. But Adam Driver deserves the most recognition as he gave such an emotional performance and made a muhfugger cry. I will gladly watch this movie over and over again.
Game Over, Man! (2018)
It's simple
If you like Workaholics, you'll like this. All these other reviews rating this like it's supposed to be something other than the comedic baby of the four creators of one of the greatest dumb comedy shows around, are looking for something not there.
I love this movie. I love the ridiculous. I love the stupid. And it makes me laugh. It doesn't try to be what it's not, and it's raunchy and offensive.
If you like Workaholics it's not much evolved but that's not a problem. It's exactly what you'd expect and should be what you want.