Geeseherder Reviews

Zeros and Ones (2021)

I took one for the team. Save your money.

[1/10 · 22 November 2021]

I took one for the team. Save your money.

An incomprehensible, directionless, boring, inane, worthless endeavor.

The cinematography is so bad, you could close your eyes and get a better visual impact. Plus it would be brighter than what's on the screen.

To say the writing was bad would imply that there was a script, which clearly there was not.

TL;DR - Steaming pile of merde.

Sorted (2000)

Bad Only Begins To Describe This Mess

[1/10 · 26 May 2020]

Mediocre acting, except for Tim Curry, who is just pathetically hammy. Stupid quotes with every side of dialogue, that just make you want to stick daggers in your ears.

Tired directing, 360, 720, 1080, and more Steadicam tortures. Subtle it is not at any point. Every turn is telegraphed a mile ahead.

Cheesy writing. No, just crappy writing.

You wouldn't have a hard time finding a better movie than this. Just click on any other movie and you'll do better.

Hard to Be a God (2013)

Amazing Production Design and sets...

[1/10 · 10 February 2020]

...but that's where it ends. This is The Emperor's New Clothes of bad films.

Nothing happens except sh***ing, snotting, and beating. It's a stupid waste of time and money, and stupid to try and present it as some kind of groundbreaking work of brilliance. Don't waste your time.

Ovation (I) (2015)

Donate to charity instead, please.

[1/10 · 8 October 2016]

James Denton, as great as he is, cannot save this Titanic ship of fools from sinking.

Meandering mush of a story, complemented by awful roles played by Jaglom's children. Lowlighted by a car crash of a performance by Tanna Frederick. She is the painful-to-watch center of this implosion.

Bad acting other than Denton. Bad plot that wandered like a hobo. Bad lighting from a DP who went to an online film school. Bad use of your time. Seriously, you could watch Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger and that would be a better use of your time. Donate to charity instead, please. Think of how much better your rental dollars will be used.

Window Theory (2005)

What A Painful Way To Lose Your Money

[1/10 · 11 March 2005]

After reading the L.A. Times review by Carina whatshername that roasted this thing as sophomoric and ham-handed, I thought I'd give it a try, as she is usually off the mark with her pretentious, Went-To-Film-School-And-Wish-I-Were-A-Director self important ranting. Well, for once she was right. Film school cinematography at best due to uneven lighting and plenty of soft focus that wasn't intentional. Ham-handed the acting truly was. The lead character, Ethan, was an awful stereotype of the prom king who comes home from L.A. for a visit, yet who hasn't grown up. Plus, his falling in and out of a classic Canadian accent, which was a signal of sorts as to why films made in Canada are often so bad, was the least of his acting inabilities. His ex-girlfriend, who is marrying his ex-best friend, was another exercise in casting a beautiful person who has the emotional range of a turtle. The other characters ran the bad movie gamut from stereotypical to annoying. The brainy sidekick who is under his parents thumb in going to med school who needs to break free. The nerd who was strangely played as gay yet pined after girls (who would have been much better played as gay, but then Ethan's pseudo-macho party-boy character would have had to beat him up). The ex-best friend who gets the girl is a joke as well. The attempt here is to portray him as a corporate sellout by having his boss (played one-dimensionally by Paul Johansson of One Tree Hill) show up in town to do some kind of special project with him. He and Ethan don't seem to have ever really liked each other, and you don't really care anyway because both characters are so shallow and annoying you are just hoping for the comet to hit them all and improve the movie. Whoever wrote this at least has the comfort of knowing they can only get better from here talent-wise. As for the ending you ask, well there isn't one. Somewhere in the middle of this disaster, Ethan and the ex-girl of course sleep together, which leads us to believe that they will have an end-of-the-film declaration of love for each other at the wedding. Nope. There is no wedding because there is no end to the film. We just get a shot of the three immature boys walking down the street after a night of drinking. It was an attempt at a deep and meaningful denouement that would reflect a triumph of film-making. You can only imagine how badly it failed.