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Reviews
Skeleton Man (2004)
Beyond Crap
This was so bad, I want God to give me an extra two hours of life having had to sit through it.
First off, the acting was uniformly bad. There was barely a plot, unless "Shaggy dog story with a guy in a rain poncho and skeleton mask instead of a dog" counts.
The editing was was all over the place, and the slow-mo shots of the "gore" (red corn syrup flying through the air--doubtless flung using a spoon) got irritating after the tenth time, and infuriating after the hundredth time.
I like Michael Rooker. He's done some good work. This was not good. This was less than good. And by that, I mean that it sucked. Hard.
For god's sake, don't watch this movie.
Ying xiong (2002)
Brilliant and Beautiful
This is one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. Excellent acting, storytelling, cinematography, and some of the best martial arts fights ever filmed.
The tone is very somber and humorless, but the beauty of the fights and settings brings unexpected lightness. And while the storytelling is a bit heavy-handed, it's appropriate. This is a piece about a cornerstone of Chinese history, told as a fantasy.
Jet Li is brilliant. His fight with Donnie Yen is awesome. But it's Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung who steal the show. Their chemistry is intensely believable and they give the film intimacy.
The story at first seems very shallow--a Kung Fu assassin plot. But it gets deeper and while it's not the most brilliant thing ever written, it serves as more than just a vehicle to move from one fight to the next.
Too bad the hype for this film is so huge. And it bothers me that every other critic feels compelled to compare it to "Crouching Tiger." This movie stands on its own as a true work of art that just happens to be entertaining.
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Mildly Entertaining Crap
As a big fan of both franchises, I felt let down. As a fan of Science Fiction movies, I felt let down. As a fan of action movies, I felt only slightly less let down.
I didn't expect this film to recapture the artistry of the original "Alien" or the intensity and humor of "Predator," but I did expect it to at least be a good movie. It wasn't.
A friend remarked that he hoped the DVD release would restore some of the cut violence and make this a better movie. While some blood and guts could really help to restore the horror element, nothing can make up for the horrible dialog and flat acting.
Was it just the cutting of the R-rated material that made the edit so bad? The movie was 87 minutes long but seemed more like 60. Characters who I feel like I'm supposed to care about are dismissed too soon and without any humor, irony, or anything to show that the writers and director have any real creative ability.
The fight scenes were a mixed bag. I admit it was a fanboy's dream to see the two species go at it, and the use of animatronics (as opposed to too much CG) gave the creatures a gritty, slimy edge that computers have yet to capture. I'm not a fan of quick-cut fight scenes and was happy that the camera would occasionally pull back a bit to let me see the monsters pounding the crap out of each other.
I tried to think of how I would have thought of this film if I had never seen an Alien or Predator movie. It was OK. A cut above straight-to-video or a Dolph Lundgren film, but that's about it. But if I were a neophite, I'd be asking so many questions about the creatures that the 87 minutes would be done before I got half of them answered.
A disappointment to a fan, who hopes for some small redemption in the DVD release.
American Movie (1999)
A Brilliant Movie
Before I comment on the movie's subject matter, I'll say a few things about the movie itself.
It's a great piece of filmmaking. I felt like a fly on the wall, like the people being filmed somehow didn't know the camer was there much of the time. And when they did, they were able to be honest and direct. The editing job is first-rate, with much of the comedy coming from the editing.
It is a comedy, albeit a dark comedy. Without the humor, the film would be too depressing to watch. Mark's misoginy and neglect of his children is chilling, as is Mike's drug and alcohol abuse. But these people care about each other in their own ways, and they are very passionate about making movies. The interactions betwen Mark and his Uncle Bill are both the funniest and the saddest parts of the film.
The DVD includes "Coven," and it's much better than I thought it would be. Interesting film angles, competent editing, and passable acting--better than any Roland Emmerich film.
The title tells the story: This is about the heart of America, and it doesn't matter that it's in the supposed "heartland." There are people all over this land with the same dreams as these people--and the same obstacles to those dreams. ...OK. That was pretty corny. Sorry. I really liked this movie.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Way Better than I Expected
The original is a classic, I guess that's why there's a copy of it at the Museum of Modern Art in NYC.
Taken as a remake, this is a good film. The story was different enough to keep me guessing, the characters were, uhhh, fleshed out a little more. While the original at times seemed like a documentary, this one was a straight-up horror movie, though without too many of the cliches that make modern horror movies tedious.
On it's own, this was a very good horror movie. Well-filmed, well-acted, suspensful, with good characters. The kids in this movie are not all just obnoxious kids--they get into trouble because of a good deed, so I found myself rooting for them, even the annoying one or two. The casting of Lee Ermey as the sheriff is icing on the cake; he definitely brought the movie up a few notches.
While not a classic, this remake is worth seeing.
Hellboy (2004)
The Best Comic Book Movie Ever?
I don't read comic books and have never even seen a "Hellboy" comic and I loved this movie. I had no expectations of high art--I just wanted to be entertained, but I ended up being a little bit surprised at the better-than-usual-in-a-comic-movie acting and dialog.
No one but Ron Perlman could ever play this role. It's not just his looks, but the way he can say the corniest dialog with utter sincerity and conviction. Selma Blair is also well-cast, with her perpetually depressed eyes and understated delivery.
The monster fights are great at first, but once you've seen one, you don't need to see it three more times, especially with the same monster. The plot is pretty standard heroes n' villains stuff, with the twist being that the main hero is an apocolyptic demon from hell who loved kittens and eats stacks of pancakes that would gag Louie Anderson.
Yes, it all sounds so corny, but I was drawn in because the actors and the script didn't take for granted that I was just another drooling fanboy. Guillermo Del Toro has made a great action movie, and I'm looking forward to the sequels.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
A Film for Martial Arts Fans
None of the reviews I read mention that the film opens with the old Shaw Brothers logo, and that is the key to what this movie is all about. It's a tribute/update of the great martial arts movies like "36th Chamber of Shaolin" and "Street Fighter." The stars of both of those films feature prominently in "Kill Bill" as gangster general Johnny Mo and swordmaker Hattori Hanzo, respectively.
Those who grew up on Saturday afternoon martial arts movies should appreciate not just the appearance of these two stars but also the ways in which Tarantino has learned what made those classics great. He films fight scenes so that we can see all the action, as opposed to the close-ups and quick cuts we get from Hollywood action films. Watching the fights is satisfying, not frustrating.
There's not much of a plot, and that may be another cue from classic martial arts movies. Not that it matters--this movie is a series of vignettes tied together by one event: The murder of former (?) assassin Black Mamba (aka The Bride) by her former colleagues of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DiVAs).
Uma Thurman does a surprisingly convincing job as the unbeatable fighter, as do all her opponents. The stunts are handled excellently and there weren't too many shots where it was easy to tell that it wasn't Uma.
Sonny Chiba is excellent in the film's mellow interlude as he creates the ultimate weapon for Black Mamba to exact her revenge. And while I would have liked to have seen a lot more of Liu Chia Hui, the few minutes of him fighting Uma were worth the price of admission.
Those who were not raised on Shaw Brothers and samurai films will either love this movie (for the sylized violence) or hate this movie (for the stylized violence). I loved it and can't wait for volume 2.
Carver's Gate (1996)
A Steaming Pile of Crap
In a desolate future, people play VR games to escape their crappy reality. A totally lame attempt at a Phillip K. Dick kind of story showcases a pool of poor talent in all arenas.
Bad acting, bad script, bad effects, bad direction, bad cinematography.. And not in a "so bad it's good" way, either--this movie is so awful I cringed through the whole thing.
Did MST3K ever do this one? It's even worse than "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank."
X2 (2003)
Excellent. More than worth the $10
For those of us who grew up on these comics, this movie is a dream come true.
Nightcrawler, always my personal favorite, is well-acted by Alan Cummings, even though his unexplained religiousness is a little annoying. He shows a little chemistry with Halle Berry's Storm, still underused, though it's great to see her finally cut loose with her powers.
And speaking of cutting loose, Wolverine kicks some serious ass in this one. The Deathstryke fight is a major highlight of this one.
With all the different characters, some suffer from lack of development. That being said, the fact that there is character development is a testament to Brian Singer's abilities as a writer and director. The film is an excellent balance between effects and drama, character and spectacle, and action and introspection. The scene at Iceman's home is a perfect example of this balance, with a little of everything.
Brian Cox' portrayal of the villian Stryker is the standout performance of X2. Just when you think he couldn't be more of a scumbag, he reveals his most disturbing crime, which I won't reveal.
An excellent movie with something for everyone. Just don't ask a diehard fanboy what he thought...
Donnie Darko (2001)
Really Good Movie
First of all, the acting was excellent.
The whole plot twist thing comes down to one of the converstations that Donnie has with Noah Wylie's character, when the teacher's answer to Donnie's Question is "...that would be an act of God."
Evil, in the form of Frank, a bad kid (after he runs over Gretchen, all he has to say is, "What were you doing in the middle of the street?") gives Donnie a second chance, like a reverse "It's A Wonderful Life." Donnie does bad things as if to repay Frank, and those bad things have unexpectedly good consequences--maybe because Donnie is a good kid at heart. When he finally realizes that he doesn't belong in this world and that his being there is starting to cause hurt and death to others, he gives in to the act of God, which results in his own death.
At least that's the way I see it.
The Ring (2002)
Smart and Scary
(mild spoilers ahead)
I had read reviews of 'Ringu' and expected great things from this movie. I was not let down. From the reviews and previews, though, I expected 'The Ring' to be more surrealistic and not as straight-ahead as it was--though the writing, direction, and cinematography were up there with the best recent Hollywood horror movies.
Here's how I know I liked it: I had to pee really bad about five minutes into the film, but I held it in until it was finished. I didn't want to miss another clue and the story rivited me.
The opening sequence of the two catholic schoolgirls talking about the lethal video seemed to be either an homage to the scene that 'Scream' made into a cliche, or a challenge to show that this cliche could still be made scary. It was well done, but again, it was straight-up horror with no real innovative twist.
The video itself immediately brought to mind E. Elias Merhige's 'Begotten' with it's bizarre imagery in grainy black and white. I was very pleased when these images ended up to have meaning. The final explanation of the video was very clever and very creepy--and that is one of the reasons why I titled my review "Smart and Scary." The balance of things that are explained and those left unexplained is perfect. I left this movie feeling as though I were one of the protagonists--I knew all that they could know and those things unexplained (just what was that girl?) were implied heavily enough that I could either make my own conclusions or leave them be as mysteries.
I have to admit that I don't think of myself as a critic. I sit way up close and want to be absorbed by movies; I want to be taken into their world. "The Ring" did that for me better than some of the recently lauded horror films like "The Sixth Sense" (which I loved but I and many people I know guessed the ending early on which kind of took away from the impact) or "The Others" (which I also loved but was lacking dynamics).
Recommended for horror fans who like to be entertained. Just ignore the hype and see it without expectations.
Begotten (1989)
Don't Believe the Hype
I had high expectations for this film. I'd like to think that I have a very open mind and that I can enjoy original art on many levels.
The opening scene, while a tad gruesome, boded well for the rest of the film. I liked the grainy quality to the film, the jarring editing, and the frenetic cinematography.
But the film quickly veered into pretentious, artsy-fartsy territory and, save for a few glimpses of brilliance, never made it back.
The "Earth Mother," staring into space and wearing an opera mask, is just too ludicrous for words. I don't care how deep anyone thinks this film is--some of the imagery is plain assinine.
All-in-all, a technically daring and occasionally brilliant film that's way too full of itself to inspire any sort of deep feelings.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Pretty Damn Scary. Nauseating, too.
There's no way that this film can live up to the hype it's gotten. When critics say it's "the scariest movie ever made," you're bound to be let down.
Still, I was prety damn scared. I had checked out the Web site beforehand and I had seen the Sci Fi Channel's special, "Curse of the Blair Witch," so I was pretty well versed on the background story.
The entire film consists of the footage (Hi 8 video, and B&W 16mm film) taken by three film students who entered the Black Hill woods in Maryland to find locations mentioned in the tales of the Blair Witch, a local legend blamed for many gruesome events over a period of 200 years.
The shakiness of the cameras can be unsettling, but once you get used to it, it is quite eerie.
***** SPOILER *****
Some people will see this movie thinking that it's for real. Let them believe it. The acting is so good that they'll be convinced.
The scares come from the inside, from the audience's empathy with three people who are being completely scared out of their minds by something or someone unknown and out of sight. You may not be as scared as you think you'll be, but if you're not pretty damn scared, then you need to work on your empathy.