Reviews
Sucker Punch (2011)
WTF did I just watch
Skateboard! Video Game! I hate my parents! Rap remix classic songs! Zombie Nazi super ninja! Power Puff Girl Power! Tits and Ass! Robots! Adults just don't understand! Emo Bad Ass....eh I give up. Sucker Punch is visually stunning, but takes itself so seriously in every other respect that it fails on story, character development, plot, etc. Take aspects from all popular video games and put them all together at once with "punk"-wannabe versions of songs...in every scene. Little girl is a poor victim that no one understands or bothers to help and is utterly helpless. But no, she is an ultra super bad-ass that is invincible with mad ninja fighting skills. But she's special, and attractive, a unique snowflake, so no explanation is necessary. I get the swaps between "reality" and fantasy, but they make no sense. A quiet swap of a map is portrayed by compressing every WWII, Vietnam, and Terminator war movie into five minutes. The unbeatable enemy is after me! One slow-mo back-flip dragged to two full minutes equals sudden defeat for no reason. I don't know what the f**k I'm trying to say, but I make a hell of a lot more sense than Sucker Punch. I can't believe each character doesn't have three iPhones. It looks great though. Girl Power!!
Little Athens (2005)
Lawyers with extra cash make crappy movie
This just sucked. The "day in the life" approach only works when there is something to care about. At no point are we interested in the characters, the location, or the void where a plot or storyline would be. I would just leave this here if there wasn't a 10 line requirement for comments. It doesn't deserve any more discussion. Do something better with your time than watch this movie. Read a book. Learn a new language. Build a bird feeder. Take a nap. Clean your fridge. Masturbate. Go for a walk. Browse Wikipedia. Cook a new meal. Cook an old meal. See how many Crayola colors you can name. Balance your checkbook. Mow the lawn. Floss. Pretend you're Batman. Clean out your closet. Go to bed early.
An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)
I felt compelled to comment on this piece of crap...
Wow. The 5 of 10 rating on IMDb is way too high. That must be including bonus points for Julie Delpy's nudity. Umm... Julie Delpy... This thing just plain stunk. Compared to the contemporary classic that American Werewolf in London is this is even worse. The CGI is absolutely horrible, as is from the 'design' of the werewolves. The scenes just jumped around the already bad and loose plot making me think I *must* have missed something, but alas no. I would guess that the director made music videos before this. This should be avoided.... You should go and watch Lon Chaney Jr's classic werewolf, or American Werewolf in London, or Wolfen for cryin out loud!
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
I like funny, but this ain't it
How this movie has such a high rating so far I have no idea. I'm guessing IMDb has been taken over by 14 year olds. I didn't expect comedy redefined or anything, but I certainly expected Will Ferrell to make me laugh! This was pretty bad. it would have been absolutely worthless without my boy, Steve Carrell. The reviewer describing this as an "alum" movie had it right; these guys weren't even trying. There were a few (5?) pretty good laughs, but this flick needed to be put down and sent to the glue factory. If I could go back in time to when I was asking for the tickets I would have asked for another movie. Okay that line was forced, but this has to be 10 lines. And Anchorman doesn't really deserve 10 lines of commentary.