- Luke Dunphy: She asked me to do push-ups while she put on her wedding dress.
- Jay Pritchett: Wow, she jumped right to the Honeymoon Handshake.
- Luke Dunphy: It has a name?
- Jay Pritchett: Don't you and your dad ever talk?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: If you hear two bodies hit the floor, it's done. If you hear three, one tried to get back up.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Our gate is broken, and Stella keeps getting out in the street. I bought her a shock collar.
- Phil Dunphy: I thought about getting one when Luke was younger. Claire ended up just shaking a can of pennies at him.
- Phil Dunphy: [under his car hood] Well, it's pretty simple, Mitch. You just touch everything, and then when the tow truck guy shows up and sees your dirty paws, he knows you're a pro.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Ay, watch out, watch out. I think Mitchell is looking at us.
- Cameron Tucker: Okay, I thought I cooled his suspicions this morning. Laugh and disperse.
- [all laugh and walk away]
- Phil Dunphy: Best tips I ever made was when we passed the hat after a performance of my improv group, Rule of Three. We were known for our sketches, song parodies, and full-frontal nudity.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: We do not have much time. We need to go.
- [Gloria and Phil stand up]
- Cameron Tucker: I actually ordered a sandwich.