(2015 Video)

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Collection of slop; Brazzers defeats Dig. Playground
lor_14 July 2016
The venerable Digital Playground label, known for hits like "Pirates" and various Tera Patrick vehicles, was swallowed up about four years ago by some paper-shuffling money-movers and merged with the dissimilar Brazzers label. So it was inevitable that the two arms of an octopus would have a showdown, and it takes place in the title (and final) segment of "Knockout Knockers", a compilation of web-content junk foisted on us DVD devotees.

Just like in the Adult industry's salad days, we have contract stars headlining, with DP's wonderful Eva Lovia squaring off in the Squared Circle against Brazzers' fake-breasted Peta Jensen. In one sense it's not really a fair fight, since normal-sized, natural breasts' Eva would never qualify for a Brazzers appearance back in the days when the ZZ logo label proudly broadcast "The World's Best in Big Tits!" on its box covers, a practice since discontinued.

There's trash talk, the usual prepping, and then the boxing match, in which they dance around the ring, hardly land a punch, and ref Mick Blue declares it a draw. But we need a winner, so good old Mick, looking weird in a bow-tie, orders a "f*ck-off", namely the two gals stripping and servicing his big dick in the ring. The show ends with the result left hanging: viewers are asked to vote via the internet on who won, to be displayed on the website. I don't care at all: clearly the Brazzers decade-old format of self-contained porn segments has won the day as evidenced by it being used on this DVD release from DP.

The other four vignettes are mostly terrible, mere filler to round out the program. First segment pits Brazzers regulars Keiran Lee and Nikki Benz against each other in a cheaply shot, asinine parody of something -I couldn't decide if it was going after work by Danny DeVito or Brangelina. Basically they are shooting at each other as if super-spies, before humping. It's garbage anyway you slice it.

From the sublime to the ridiculous we next have Danny D in an action piece titled "Blowback II: Breakout", made in England. The new Digital Playground has become so sloppy and slovenly in its releases that it springs for Part 2 of a series without showing us Part I. At any rate it deals with a prison break to bust out Franceska Jaimes, with Lexi Lowe as a beautiful adversary, and some okay action scenes I would attribute to Danny's favorite director Dick Bush, but it's uncredited. His big dick sex is palatable, but I could not give out any points for a sequel minus the original.

Keiran Lee shows up again (proving my point: DP has obviously morphed into Brazzers, making them interchangeable like Sloan's and Gristedes supermarkets here in NYC) in a segment I actually enjoyed, for reasons that will become obvious. Lee plays a guy who falls for his kid's nanny, played by the one and only Sensual Jane. She is fabulous here in soft-core mode taking a shower and then dressing in a tight top that brought back fond memories of those pre-porn 1950s when one would ogle Greta Thyssen or Joi Lansing and only imagine explicit action. He's sick of his wife and ends up seducing Jane, who is great as always.

Remaining segment is a lengthy insult to one's intelligence (I know what you're thinking -what intelligent person would be watching this crap in the first place?). Little Dillion Harper and a couple of uncredited (as usual) girls are working in a lingerie store, and Harper volunteers to stay late and lock up. Final customer is Erik Everhard, about as seedy a bit of casting as one could hope for.

Erik undertakes what seems like a burlesque routine from perhaps 80 years ago, asking cute Dillion if she will try on bras so he can pick one out for his girlfriend. She falls for this line, and matters escalate (and the store seemingly turns into a sex shop rather than Victoria's Secret knock-off) when he "innocently" asks Harper to try out dildos for him. She's playing a retarded character so she starts masturbating for this customer and soon they are humping in earnest. Yes, porn judging from this garbage has hardly progressed from the level of stag films shown at your local Elks Lodge decades before you were even born, gentle reader.
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