- Santa: [Larry sits on Santa's lap] Dude, she's gonna love the doll.
- Larry: Santa Claus, I'm not leaving your lap until I get that Harrison Bear. Uh, as a matter of fact I've had some Mexican food last night and it's starting to bubble up on me. Oh, you've better give me that bear because if I explode on you, you're going to have to call Roto-Rooter for some backup.
- Larry: I hope you have a sucky holiday, a sucky Christmas, a sucky Hanukkah, a sucky Kwanzaa, and a sucky winter salsa.
- Welling: Nice work, kid. Fifty bucks, as agreed.
- Little Boy: It'll be a hundred.
- Welling: We agreed on 50.
- Little Boy: Delivery charges. Or do you want me to give it back to the doofus?
- Welling: I'm startin' to feel like the doofus myself, kid.
- Harrison the Bear: Hi, I'm Harrison. What's your name?
- Jeffrey: Oh, shut up.
- Harrison the Bear: Hi, Shut Up. Nice to meet you.
- Jeffrey: I really hate these things.