American Horror Story (TV Series)

Protect the Coven (2014)

Frances Conroy: Myrtle Snow

Photos 

Quotes 

• Myrtle Snow : Oh, Madison, You are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché: a bobble head with crotchless panties!

  Madison Montgomery : And you're a dried-up old Hot Pocket, but I don't judge.

  Myrtle Snow : You can't speak to me that way - I am your elder.

  Madison Montgomery : Welcome to the Revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I'm gonna drive this coven out of the Dark Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.

  [to Kyle] 

  Madison Montgomery : And as for you, Ken doll... well, putting you together was fun... but taking you apart's gonna be even more fun.

• Myrtle Snow : Come in Zoe, sit down. I have something for you. Good God, chickie, don't look at it! You'll be blinded by the sheer craftsmanship.

  Zoe Benson : Um... okay. What is it?

  Myrtle Snow : My only possession of value. A sapphire and topaz harvester ant made for me by Joel Arthur Rosenthal, the Fabergé of our time. The harvester ant is one of *the* most venomous creatures in the world, along with Fiona, and JAR - as the world knows my dear Joel - toiled on it for months.

  Zoe Benson : Do you want me to wear it?

  Myrtle Snow : You could never pull it off, darling. Only Lee Radziwill and myself could do it justice. Now listen to me carefully: I want you to hock it in case of emergency.

  Zoe Benson : I'm completely lost here.

  Myrtle Snow : You're leaving this coven, Zoe. And you're taking Kyle with you.

  Zoe Benson : I do love Kyle, Myrtle... But I'm not leaving.

  Myrtle Snow : I watched you and Kyle together at Nan's funeral. Such a pair. So much in love. As the great Keats would say, "More happy love! More happy, happy love! Forever warm and still to be enjoyed. Forever panting and forever young." I had a love like that once. Egon von Furstenberg. He dumped me, but everything worked out all right in the end. You know why? because he went on to marry the divine Diane. And without Egon's support, Diane von Furstenberg never would have created the greatest invention of the century, the wrap dress! If you stay here, your life is in grave danger.

  Zoe Benson : I can handle Madison.

  Myrtle Snow : She'd slit your throat then sleep like a baby. I understand Madison. The depth of her cynicism. Go. You and Kyle. Run away together and start your life over.

  Zoe Benson : I'm committed to this coven.

  Myrtle Snow : So was I, and I burned at the stake for it.

  Zoe Benson : What if I'm the next Supreme?

  Myrtle Snow : All the more reason to run. If Madison doesn't end you, Fiona will. Zoe... you have a boy that loves you.

  Zoe Benson : Because he's damaged goods.

  Myrtle Snow : [slaps]  How dare you be so unromantic and so very, very selfish. Our dear Cordelia plucked her eyes out to protect this coven, and you have the gall to ignore my words of warning and support? Now... take these tickets to Epcot and my JAR jewels and pack your bags.

• Fiona Goode : She's taken out both eyes?

  Myrtle Snow : The blue eye, the brown eye. Some of my best work, between us pigeons, all gone.

  Fiona Goode : Why?

  Myrtle Snow : Because your daughter has become something you will never understand, Fiona. She's a hero. Your girl has ripped her own eyes straight out of her skull for one reason only: to protect the coven.

  Fiona Goode : From what? Huh? I'll take care of the Witch Hunters. And when I do... This coven will have no more enemies.

  Myrtle Snow : No enemies on the outside perhaps, but danger lurks within these blanched walls. Everyone knows it. She sacrificed her eyes to regain the second sight. And woe to those among us who harbor bad thoughts.

  Fiona Goode : I have no secrets.

  Myrtle Snow : Then, by all means, go to her. Comfort her. Put motherly hands upon your wounded daughter's flesh and watch your filthy secrets be brought to light, laid bare. "No secrets." Shame on you, Fiona. I deserve better lies than that. You are an enemy to this coven and will be so long as you live. But Cordelia has your number, Slim.

  Fiona Goode : Go to hell, Myrtle Snow.

  Myrtle Snow : For what? Allowing you to see your daughter?

  Fiona Goode : I'll be back. I just need a drink. Steady my nerves.

  Myrtle Snow : See you soon.

• Myrtle Snow : Ah, figs, Mother Nature's brown diamonds. In the fall, the rotting leaves smell like an Olympian's ejaculate. Figgy pudding cures the blues and banishes acne. I'm mad for it.

• Myrtle Snow : Cumin. Coconut. Cardamom. Mulligatawny soup! I've been transported to Rajasthan! Bravo, Delphine! Magnifique!

  Madison Montgomery : It goes perfectly with the wine. Mmm.