Mighty Med (TV Series)
Saving the People Who Save People (2013)
Jason Sklar: Clyde
Quotes
-
[first lines]
[Kaz and Oliver are in a comic shop]
Oliver : Okay, Kaz, would you rather have Freeze Frame's ability to stop time but you have to talk like a chicken
[imitates chicken]
Oliver : or Tecton's immunity to pain, but you have to wear a diaper?
Kaz : Oh, I'd wear a diaper for two reasons: Number one... and number two.
[both laugh]
Kaz : Oliver, look. There it is, the meteorite of Zandor, the source of Tecton's immeasurable powers. Ah I have to have this. Hidden in the Earth's crust for millions of years, forged from a supernova in the Ballazar galaxy.
Oliver : Says Made in Taiwan.
Kaz : Ah. Well, I still want it, but I'll never be able to afford it.
Oliver : Ah, but we can still pose with it.
Kaz : Eh, commemorative fake photo?
[he positions his hand as if taking a selfie]
Kaz : Oh, you blinked.
Wallace : We'll take that, thank you.
Clyde : Boys, you know the rules in this shop.
Wallace : Yeah. Rule number one, no touching the merchandise.
Clyde : Rule number two, no mistaking us for each other. I'm Clyde.
Wallace : I'm Wallace.
Clyde : It's not that hard.
Wallace : Rule number three, if you have to use the restroom, please don't go in the cauldron of Krepulan.
Kaz : That was one time.
[Clyde and Wallace give him a look]
Kaz : Okay, twice.
[Jordan is playing an arcade game]
Kaz : Oh, hey Jordan.
Jordan : Shh. I'm trailing this majestic unicorn. It's the last one in the entire land. Mmm... boom! Cut off its head! Aw, look, its blood is made of rainbows.
Kaz : Hey, uh, we wanted to talk to you about our robot project for science day tomorrow.
Jordan : Yeah, the three of us are working on it, right?
Oliver : Yep, it'll be just the three of us. You, me, and Kaz... and Gus.
Jordan : What? Gus? No, no, no. Absolutely not.
Oliver : I'm sorry, but he is our friend and we just felt bad for him 'cause no one else wanted him in their group.
Jordan : Yeah, for the same reason that no one wants a dead fish in their bed. They both smell like dead fish! Look, if I don't get an A on this project, my parents won't let me play video games for a year, and if I can't chop off unicorn heads, then who am I?
Oliver : We promise you we'll keep Gus under control. He won't say a word.
Kaz : Really? Where are we gonna get a muzzle?
Jordan : Fine, just keep him away from me.
Kaz : Now we gotta get a leash. This is becoming a nightmare!
Oliver : [sees a cardboard cutout] Kaz, it's Skylar Storm, my favorite comicbook superhero! She has 24 superpowers, including X-ray vision so she can see how big my heart is.
Kaz : [takes the cutout]
[imitating Skylar]
Kaz : Oh, Oliver, come here and kiss me, but be gentle because you know I'm made of cardboard.
Oliver : Kaz! Kaz, stop! You heard Wallace and Clyde. No touching the merchandise!
Kaz : Oh, it's fine. What's gonna happen?
[the cutout falls on a dart blaster, which fires a dart that cuts off part of a flying saucer model which traps Kaz and Oliver together]
-
[Kaz reads through comicbooks trying to figure out why Tecton won't heal]
Kaz : Then Tecton battles The Impaler... gets impaled, obviously... and instantly heals! I don't get it.
Clyde : What's not to get? Tecton always heals. See?
[he reveals a poster that reads 'Tecton Always Heals']
Clyde : It's why he never loses. See?
[he reveals a poster that reads 'Tecton Never Loses']
Clyde : [inhales] Ahh. I love the smell of fresh new comics.
Wallace : Mmm. This new batch smells like lavender.
Clyde : That's actually my Cologne.
Wallace : It really smells nice.
Clyde : Thank you.
[both chatter]
Kaz : It's the new Tecton issue!
Clyde : Are you mad? The release date on that comic is tomorrow!
Kaz : So?
Wallace : Okay, weird.
Clyde : Are there no more rules? Are we living in a post-apocalyptic lawless society? Because if so, I'd like to ride a motorcycle.
Wallace : And I'd like to wear an eye patch.
Kaz : Gotta have those comicbooks. Oliver's depending on me. Maybe there's something in there that'll explain why Tecton's not healing.
Clyde : You make it sound like he's a real person.
Kaz : Uh, that's because he is... in my fanfiction. Yeah, uh, Tecton, he pops a zit and it won't heal. Yeah, he just keeps picking at it.
Wallace : Well, that's nowhere near as good as our fanfiction.
Clyde : Yes. Two stunningly handsome twin brothers
Wallace : Slash shopkeepers
Clyde : Are captured by two gorgeous swimsuit models.
Wallace : Slash vampire hunters.
Clyde : Who cook the brothers grilled cheese sandwiches whenever they want.
Wallace : Pow pow.
Kaz : Wow, that sounds really good. Can I read that?
Clyde : Ooh. Our first fan
Wallace : We'll get you a copy.
Kaz : Thank you!
[takes a comicbook]
Kaz : I'll pay for this later!
-
[last lines]
[Kaz and Oliver are in the comic shop]
Kaz : I would like to buy the meteorite of Zandor.
Wallace : Okay, and just how are you able to afford such an incredibly rare artifact?
Clyde : Yes. It's the only one of its kind in the world.
[pulls out another meteorite of Zandor]
Kaz : I got this money from Mighty Med.
Wallace : Mighty Med? What's that?
Oliver : Uh, Mi-Mighty Med. He's the new rapper. Um, w-we're in his entourage.
Kaz : Yeah. Yeah, he, uh, pays us to walk around and tell him how *ugly* he is.
Wallace : Is that a thing?
Clyde : That is not a thing.
Oliver : Anyway, gotta go. See you later.
[to Kaz]
Oliver : What are you doing? You cannot tell anyone about the hospital. You almost blew it!
Kaz : Oh, they didn't catch on. Besides, it's just Wallace and Clyde.
Wallace : All right, see you guys next week.
[Kaz and Oliver leave]
Clyde : [voice slimier] Finally, our way into Mighty Med.
Wallace : [voice slimier] And before long, all the weak superheroes...
Wallace , Clyde : ...will be dead superheroes!
[their eyes glow and insignias appear on their foreheads]
