- Sable: [In his head] How come 'bi-weekly' means both twice a week and every other week? That's mad confusing and just linguistically lazy.
- Rebecca Crosby: What do you think they are talking about?
- Sable: Off the record?
- Rebecca Crosby: Sure, sure.
- Sable: No idea.
- Randy: [to Jerry] Yeah, you're really good at tag.
- Hoagie: Yes, but you've kind of missed the point. I mean, it's not about trying to get away from each other. It's actually about having a reason to be around each other. You know?
- Jerry: [Quietly] Yeah.
- Hoagie: I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. Am I right? "We don't stop playing because we grow old."
- Hoagie, Randy, Callahan, Anna Malloy: "We grow old because we stop playing.""
- Rebecca Crosby: [In her head, watching the men play tag at an AA meeting] ... and this is why print journalism is dying.
- Jerry: Verbal amendment. That women should be playing.
- Callahan: Amendment.
- Randy: Yeah, amendment.
- Anna Malloy: [Realizing she is now "it.'] Oh. Oh, you just made a big mistake.
- Jerry: [Jerry runs away] You're it bitch!
- Anna Malloy: [Anna looks around and spots Randy] You're it now! You're going down!
- Randy: You're too intense!
- Anna Malloy: You're gonna suck my tiny ginger balls!
- Randy: Oh gross!
- Anna Malloy: You're gross!
- [Anna screams and tackles Randy]
- Jerry Pierce: Little does Hoagie know, I've been teaching a women's self-defense boot camp for six years.
- Susan Rollins: Listen, I know it's not just you guys. Jerry is worse than all of you - he's very competitive.
- Sable: When we were kids, we had a contest to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest. He almost died. I mean, he won, but at what cost?
- Jerry: Mr. Stubbles has something to say. What was that?
- [pretends to listen to stuffed bear]
- Jerry: He says his skin's very dry and needs to be moisturized.
- [squirts lotion onto his hands]
- Hoagie: Jerry, put down Mr. Snuggles, so help me God.
- Rebecca Crosby: What's happening here?
- Randy: I think he's about to masturbate in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.
- Callahan: Oh no.
- Sable: It's the ultimate act of dominance.
- Jerry: I'm gonna stay here until you come. Unless I come first.
- Randy: You sly dog.
- [everyone bolts for the door]
- Callahan: [Trying to read the letter Jerry slipped under the door] Eat my... dick. Balls. Ass. Butt?
- Sable: Ice cream.
- Callahan, Rebecca Crosby: What?
- Sable: Yeah, he's taunting me. He knows I'm lactose intolerant.
- Hoagie: You're sitting there like I didn't just tell you we gotta deal with this right now. Because we got a real shot at Jerry this year.
- Callahan: You say that every year.
- Hoagie: Yeah, but this year's different.
- Callahan: You say *that* every year.
- Hoagie: But this year's really different.
- Callahan: You said that last year.