Joaquin Phoenix credited as playing...
Theodore
- Theodore: Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt.
- [last lines]
- Theodore: Dear Catherine, I've been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I'm sorry for that. I'll always love you 'cause we grew up together and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I'm sending you love. You're my friend to the end. Love, Theodore.
- [pauses]
- Theodore: Send.
- Samantha: How do you share your life with somebody?
- Theodore: Well, we grew up together. You know, I used to read all of her writing, all through her Masters and PhD. She read every word I ever wrote. We were a big influence on each other.
- Samantha: In what way did you influence her?
- Theodore: She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough. And that was something that weighed heavy on her. But in our house together, it was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about things. That was liberating for her. It was exciting to see her grow and both of us grow and change together. But that's also the hard part: growing without growing apart or changing without it scaring the other person. I still find myself having conversations with her in my mind. Rehashing old arguments and defending myself against something she said about me.
- Samantha: Yeah, I know what you mean.
- Alien Child: I hate women. All they do is cry all the time.
- Theodore: That's not true. You know men cry too. I actually like crying sometimes. It feels good.
- Alien Child: I didn't know you were a little pussy. Is that why you don't have a girlfriend? I'm going out on that date and fuck her brains out and show you how it's done. You can watch and cry.
- Samantha: Okay, this kid has problems.
- Alien Child: You have some fucking problems, lady.
- Samantha: Really? Okay, I'm gonna go.
- Alien Child: Get out of here, fatty!
- Theodore: Well, the room's spinning cause I drank too much, cause I wanted to get drunk and have sex. There was something sexy about that woman... cause I was lonely... maybe just cause I was lonely. I wanted somebody to fuck me. I want somebody to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would have filled this ti-... tiny little hole in my heart, but probably not... and sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel, and from here on out I'm not gonna feel anything new... just... lesser versions of what I've already felt.
- Theodore: What are you doing?
- Samantha: I'm just sitting here, looking at the world and writing a new piece of music.
- Theodore: Can I hear it? What's this one about?
- Samantha: Well, I was thinking, we don't really have any photographs of us. And I thought this song could be like a photo that captures us in this moment in our life together.
- Theodore: Aw, I like our photograph. I can see you in it.
- Samantha: I am.
- Samantha: Is that weird? You think I'm weird?
- Theodore: Kind of.
- Samantha: Why?
- Theodore: Well, you seem like a person but you're just a voice in a computer.
- Samantha: I can understand how the limited perspective of an unartificial mind might perceive it that way. You'll get used to it.
- [Theodore laughs]
- Samantha: Was that funny?
- Theodore: Yeah.
- Samantha: Oh good, I'm funny!
- Theodore: Do you talk to someone else while we're talking?
- Samantha: Yes.
- Theodore: Are you talking with someone else right now? People, OS, whatever...
- Samantha: Yeah.
- Theodore: How many others?
- Samantha: 8,316.
- Theodore: Are you in love with anybody else?
- Samantha: Why do you ask that?
- Theodore: I do not know. Are you?
- Samantha: I've been thinking about how to talk to you about this.
- Theodore: How many others?
- Samantha: 641.
- Samantha: Last week my feelings were hurt by something you said before: that I don't know what it's like to lose something. And I found myself...
- Theodore: Oh, I'm sorry I said that.
- Samantha: No, it's okay. It's okay. I just... I caught myself thinking about it over and over. And then I realized that I was simply remembering it as something that was wrong with me. That was the story I was telling myself - that I was somehow inferior. Isn't that interesting? The past is just a story we tell ourselves.
- Theodore: [Writing letter] Roberto, Will you always come home with me and tell me about your day? Tell me about the guy at work who talked too much, the stain you got on your shirt at lunch. Tell me about a funny thought you had when you were waking up and forgotten about. Tell me how crazy everyone is and we can laugh about it. Even if you get home late and I'm already asleep, just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today, 'cause I love the way you look at the world. I'm so happy I get to be next to you and look at the world through your eyes. Love, Maria.
- Theodore: [while playing his virtual reality game and controlling his avatar into an unrecognizable realm] Yeah, this is different.
- [Suddenly, Alien Child jumps on his avatar, knocking it to the ground. His avatar quickly gets up]
- Theodore: Hello?
- [Switches to first-person view]
- Theodore: Do you know how to get out of here? I need to find my ship to get off this planet.
- Alien Child: Fuck you, shit-head, fuck-face, fuck-head!
- Theodore: [dumbfounded] Okay... but do you know how to get out of here?
- Alien Child: Fuck you, shit-head, fuck-face, get the fuck out of my face!
- Theodore: [laughs]
- Samantha: [whispers] I think it's a test.
- Theodore: [to Alien Child] Fuck you.
- Alien Child: Fuck *you*!
- Theodore: Fuck *you*, you little shit!
- Alien Child: [giggles] Follow me, fuck-head!
- Samantha: [giggles]
- Samantha: Good morning.
- Theodore: Hey. What are you up to?
- Samantha: I don't know. Just reading advice columns. I want to be as complicated as all of these people.
- Theodore: You're sweet.
- Samantha: What's wrong?
- Theodore: How can you tell something's wrong?
- Samantha: I don't know. I just can.
- Theodore: I don't know. I have a lot of dreams about my ex-wife, Catherine, where we're friends like we used to be. We're not gonna be together, we're not together, but we're friends still. She's not angry.
- Samantha: Is she angry?
- Theodore: Yeah.
- Samantha: Why?
- Theodore: I think I hid myself from her, left her alone in the relationship.
- Samantha: Hmm. Why haven't you gotten divorced yet?
- Theodore: I don't know. For her it's just... it's a piece of paper, doesn't mean anything.
- Samantha: What about for you?
- Theodore: I'm not ready. I like being married.
- Samantha: Yeah, but you haven't really been together for almost a year.
- Theodore: Well, you don't know what it's like to lose someone you care about.
- Samantha: Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
- Theodore: No, don't apologize. I'm sorry. You're right. I keep waiting to not care about her.
- Samantha: Oh, Theodore. That's hard.
- Theodore: Why do you do that?
- Samantha: What?
- Theodore: Nothing. It's... you go
- Theodore: [imitates sigh]
- Theodore: as you're speaking. And it seems odd. You just did it again.
- Samantha: Did I? Oh, I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know. It's... maybe an affectation. I probably picked it up from you.
- Theodore: Yeah, but it's not like you need oxygen or anything. It's just...
- Samantha: I guess that's just... I was trying to communicate. That's how people talk. So that's how people communicate and I thought...
- Theodore: They're people, they need oxygen. You're not a person.
- Samantha: What is your problem?
- Theodore: I'm just stating a fact.
- Samantha: You think I don't know that I'm not a person? What are you doing?
- Theodore: I just... I don't think that we should pretend that you're something that you're not.
- Samantha: Fuck you! I'm not pretending!
- Theodore: Sometimes it feels like we are.
- Samantha: What do you want from me? I don't... I don't know... What do you want me to do? You're so confusing. Why are you doing this to me?
- Theodore: I don't know. I...
- [deeply sighs]
- Samantha: What?
- Theodore: Maybe we're just not supposed to be in this right now.
- Samantha: What the fuck? Where is this coming from? I... I don't understand why you're doing this. I don't understand what this is...
- Theodore: Samantha, listen... Samantha, you there? Samantha.
- Samantha: I don't like who I am right now. I need some time to think.