Super Shark

Don't even try to take this film seriously, because it's obviously made for laughs. I saw it with some friends on a "b-movie night" and we laughed our asses off! The overly plastic animation of the shark, how it attacks and the clichés of the main characters almost getting it on with each other on screen, the bad acting (seriously, these "actors" are even worse than you in drama class), the way how the shark overcomes the attacks, etc etc.

Even the camera work could've been better, but this film is just another stick of hay on the postmodern pile where I'm looking for needles that don't have "property of Christopher Nolan" laser printed on them (although he barely touches Kubrick's genius, but that's another topic).

If you're a critic you will hate it, if you wanna see a movie for super laughs, get super shark.

The US military tries to keep a "Super-Shark" at bay, but our leading lady exclaims, "This isn't working!" The shark jumps around on dry land, threatening to eat everyone in sight. This turns out to be lifted from later in the story. One week earlier, an oil rig mishap seems to trigger the madness. Oceanic Investigation Bureau (OIB) marine biologist Sarah Lieving (as Kat Carmichael) suspects oily executive John Schneider (as Roger Wade) caused the shark growth with environmentally unfriendly chemicals...

Still sporting his wavy "Dukes of Hazzard" hair, Mr. Schneider notices Ms. Lieving is attractive. "If only I had a mustache to twirl," he says. Minus his southern accent, Schneider sounds a bit like Robert Wagner. Lieving hires "Blue Moon" skipper Tim Abel (as Chuck) to help her find the monster shark. He also notices Lieving is attractive. Schneider works for former "Dark Shadows" reverend Jerry Lacy (as Stewart). A bikini contest is moderated by "Good Times" jive-taking Jimmie "J.J." Walker (as Stevens). Not dynamite.

*** Super Shark (12/8/11) Fred Olen Ray ~ Sarah Lieving, John Schneider, Tim Abel, Jerry Lacy

Pretty obvious the only reason to watch a movie titled "Supershark" on the SyFy channel is that you just need a good laugh. These knock-off movies of other stuff (in this case, Jaws) are the cable TV equivalent of the old Drive-in 2nd feature; made quickly and on the cheap, and it gives a few actors and tech people a chance to pay the rent.

Lead actress Sarah Lieving hopefully will get some better roles; she's definitely easy on the eyes, and not half-bad an actress, either (even with a ridiculous script like this). She plays a rogue scientist who got the boot for weird ideas, and now wants to find a big shark and yell at some big companies about being more green to the environment.

I love how the army sends about five guys to combat a monster killing people left and right: a captain and a few grunts. Their most powerful weapon is a tank designed to walk on feet. The director's idea of an army is not the only thing exposing the $99.99 budget; he also skimped on the FX, they're pretty much home PC grade CGI. The actors aren't given much guidance on what he wants them to do. It was humorous to see that the shark only ate dumb people that stood there on the beach waiting o get devoured. There's also a gabby DJ that talks to people on the radio as they're getting killed. Judging from how annoying he was, they may have been better off.

Utter nonsense, but good for a few laughs.

SUPER SHARK is another nonsense B-movie monster flick that comes to us courtesy of the SyFy Channel. This one's directed by cheese specialist Fred Olen Ray, so you have some idea of what to expect from the quality: it's ridiculous, nonsensical, and barely hangs together as a proper movie.

The inspiration behind this one, as with so many, seems to be PIRANHA 3D, with the camera repeatedly ogling bikini babes and generally putting to the audience a kind of fun-loving, hedonistic lifestyle. Into this nonsense comes a prehistoric shark which has grown to gigantic proportions and seeks to wreak havoc on the local population. The efforts of the typically evil corporate villains only serve to increase the menace.

You know exactly what to expect from a film like SUPER SHARK, so here we go: bad acting across the board, terrible CGI effects, and a general lack of cohesion. This one's played out in a tongue-in-cheek fashion which at least gives it a mildly campy air. Still, the effects of the giant shark really are terrible, and this is slim pickings indeed for monster lovers.

Unfortunately for this movie, I am calling it jaw-droppingly bad. I did my best to keep an open mind, as I could tell from the title that the film was not necessarily going to be good but had the potential to be a guilty pleasure. That is if they had tried putting effort into components like the story, script, characters and effects. Every single of those are done abysmally here in my opinion. Super Shark is a very poorly made movie, with effects looking so fake that I got the sense they were rushed through in construction. Even the editing manages to have a choppy feel to it. The music is a little better, but there is nothing outstanding about it either and it could have been more atmospherically used, to me it felt too obvious at times. The script doesn't feel natural whatsoever, it all feels very cheesy and stilted, while the story is ridiculous, suspense-less and completely unsurprising, complete with a pointless romance that is in danger of slowing Super Shark down. The characters I didn't give a tuppence about, they are little more than walking clichés that don't do much other than acting foolish. The shark of the title is cheap in look and not menacing at all, while the attack scenes are choppily edited, unintentionally funny and as far away as thrilling or scary as you can go. Of the acting, Sarah Lieving is the only one who looks as though she is trying, all the others look bored. Overall, jaw-droppingly awful. 1/10 Bethany Cox