- Johnny English: [wrestling elderly woman] She was in Hong Kong! She's the killer!
- Pamela: She's my mother!
- Johnny English: Couldn't she be both?
- Agent Two: Welcome back. How long has it been?
- Johnny English: Oh, I don't know, five years, three months and six days. Or something.
- Chinese Man in Spectacles: Your grandmother is sick
- Johnny English: What?
- Chinese Man in Spectacles: Your grandmother is sick
- Johnny English: Well, she's dead. That's how sick she is.
- Johnny English: Well, the man's a god.
- Kate Sumner: Well, I prefer mortals - pure, complicated, maddening mortals. I've come to realize that what's really exciting to me is great loyalty, determination, and courage.
- Johnny English: So, when is the Prime Minister going to grace us with his presence?
- Prime Minister: I'm the Prime Minister.
- Johnny English: Yeah, you wish.
- Ting Wang: [ominously] MI7 wants you on the first flight back to London.
- Johnny English: Master, am I ready?
- Ting Wang: No... Window seat, or aisle?
- Technician: Has anyone seen the voice-changing travel lozenges?
- Johnny English: [In a high-pitched voice] Um... No.
- [Johnny is hiding at Kate's apartment. There's a knock at the door]
- Kate Sumner: The bedroom. Quickly!
- Johnny English: Oh, absolutely.
- Voice over the wireless: What is your altitude?
- Agent Tucker: What's our altitude?
- [looking out of the window of helicopter which is bare some inches away from grounds]
- Agent Tucker: About 18 inches.
- Agent Tucker: [after the voice over the wireless drops] Hello? Hello?
- Madeleine: The backup electricity supply has been cut.
- Johnny English: [Examining the switch] No it hasn't. It's been turned off.
- Madeleine: [Seductively, while stripping to her bikini] Do you know how to turn it on?