30 Minutes or Less (2011)
Aziz Ansari: Chet
Photos
Quotes
-
Chet : [singing] Painting our guns, painting our guns for the bank robbery, 'cause if we go in with our plastic guns then the cops will shoot us in our face...
-
Kate : Why did that engine explode?
Nick : Remember that bomb I was telling you about? I kind of typed in the code, reactivated it and put in the back of that guy's van.
Chet : What? That's some John McClane shit! Yes!
Kate : How did you remember the code?
Nick : [hesitates] It doesn't matter. We are alive, and we are rich.
-
Chet : Okay, what if we saw off both of your arms, slip the vest over your head, than go to the hospital, they'll re-attach your arms. We'll just keep your arms on ice the whole time.
Nick : Fuck that!
Chet : I don't know what to do, man. All these sites have different shit. There's not a lot of consensus in the bomb disarming community. What did they do in the Hurt Locker?
-
Chet : Maybe I should just become a bank robber. I'm pretty good at it. Teachers don't make shit. Bank robbers make bank.
-
[during the bank robbery, to a man sporting a handlebar moustache]
Chet : Quit lookin' at me, moustache!
-
Chet : [trying to pick out the right toy gun to buy and use in the robbery by practicing with it in the store] EVERYBODY! GET DOWN ON THE GR...
Nick : Shhh! Jesus!
Chet : [more quietly] Everybody! Get down on the ground NOW and go get us our money!
Nick : Uh, how are they supposed to get the money when you just told them...
Chet : Go get us our money and THEN everybody get down on the ground!
-
Rodney : [interrupting Chet's class, clearing his throat] Nice laser.
Chet : Yeah. It's a nice laser, Rodney. You know what's not nice? Texting in my class
[takes Rodney's phone]
Chet : [reading Rodney's text, mockingly] Hey, Steve. What time are we watching the UFC fight, bro? By the way, you think Lisa would go out with me?
Chet : [the entire class laughs] Woah! Lisa over there? No way, she's laughing at your face.
Chet : [gives Rodney his phone back] Don't text in my class anymore, ok?