Ryan Gosling credited as playing...
Jacob
- Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.
- Cal: [Jacob is standing naked in the men's locker room, legs spread apart] Cal: Would you put on some clothes please?
- Jacob: Jacob: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?
- Cal: Cal
- [annoyed]
- Cal: No! It's not!
- Jacob: Jacob: Cal, my schwantz is in your face for twenty minutes. If it's not bothering you, we've got a bigger problem.
- Cal: Cal: Okay. It bothers me.
- Jacob: Jacob: I don't care.
- Hannah: Take off your shirt.
- Jacob: Why?
- Hannah: Please can you take off your shirt, 'cause I can't stop thinking, and then you just...
- Jacob: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Hannah: Alright, okay, okay, okay.
- Jacob: [removing his shirt] Okay, okay, okay.
- Hannah: Fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped. Can I...?
- [walks forward and touches Jacob's abs]
- Jacob: Ahh! You have cold hands. Now you take off your dress.
- Hannah: No.
- Jacob: Yes.
- Hannah: No way. Not with all of that going on. No, thank you. Is there dim lighting somewhere?
- Jacob: I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?
- Cal: [Jacob is standing naked in the men's locker room, legs spread apart] Would you put on some clothes, please?
- Jacob: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?
- Cal: [annoyed] No! It's not!
- Jacob: Cal, my schwantz is in your face for twenty minutes. If it's not bothering you, we've got a bigger problem.
- Cal: Okay. It bothers me.
- Jacob: I don't care.
- Jacob: What do you mean "what's my move"?
- Hannah: What's your move? What's your big move?
- Jacob: I got lots of moves.
- Hannah: What's your "big" move?
- Jacob: I'm not telling you my big move.
- Hannah: Tell me your move!
- Jacob: You're not ready for the big move.
- Hannah: Yes, I am! I want your big move!
- Jacob: You can't handle the big move, trust me.
- Hannah: [shouts] Tell me your big move!
- Jacob: I work "Dirty Dancing" into the conversation.
- Hannah: Dirty Dancing?
- Jacob: Can I sit down, please?
- Hannah: Yeah.
- Jacob: Can I put back on my shirt?
- Hannah: No.
- Cal: Okay. I'm having trouble understanding what's going on right now.
- Hannah: Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
- Cal: No, it's not.
- Hannah: I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
- Cal: No, no, no, no, no!
- Emily: I wanna see the boyfriend.
- Jacob: I can't breathe.
- Emily: Please, can I take this off now?
- Jacob: Cal, what are you doing with a daughter that's grown up?
- Cal: I was 17, that's why we had to get married so young.
- Jacob: That is something you should have told me.
- Cal: You never wanted me talk about my children!
- Molly: Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
- Cal: Yeah, that's fine honey, why don't go do that?
- Jacob: Yeah. Can I come?
- Molly: No.
- Hannah: So you guys, like, really know each other, then.
- Emily: Oh, screw it! This is ridiculous!
- [removes the blindfold; sees Jacob]
- Emily: Oh Honey, he's really cute.
- Cal: No, he's not.
- Jacob: Look at you. I don't believe it, sister.
- Cal: Let me get this straight. So you guys are a thing? You guys are a couple, right? You guys are together?
- Hannah: Yeah. Yes.
- Cal: No way. Break up right now.
- Hannah: Daddy?
- Jacob: Please don't call him that. Cal, that's not gonna happen.
- Cal: Then I will mess you up!
- Hannah: Dad!
- Emily: Cal!
- Jacob: Cal.
- Robbie: Jessica?
- Cal: Bernie?
- Hannah: Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do? Do we watch it?
- Jacob: Do you know the big move at the end of Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?
- Hannah: Yeah.
- Jacob: I can do that.
- Hannah: Okay?
- Jacob: So I tell girls I can do the move. I put on the song, "Time of Your Life", I do the big move and they always wanna have sex with me.
- Hannah: [laughs] Oh my God, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
- Jacob: I agree, but it works every time.
- Hannah: That would not work on me!
- Cal: What's going on?
- Jacob: What are you doing here?
- Robbie: Hey, Nanna.
- Hannah: Hi, Robbie.
- Molly: Hey, Nanna.
- Hannah: Hi, cutie.
- Emily: Jacob, it's so nice to meet you. I've heard so many wonderful things about you from Nanna.
- Jacob: I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
- Hannah: I'm a Nanna. You know, I couldn't say Hannah when I was little. How do you know my dad?
- Emily: She couldn't say her H's at all.