- Rajesh Koothrappali: Come on, Sheldon. The world is filled with people doing things outside; let's go outside. Outside is good.
- Sheldon Cooper: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: I don't know. It's a marketing scheme.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look at us! Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they're our girlfriends.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes. Actual women are the best.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't understand. What other kind of women are there?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?
- Howard Wolowitz: Nah. It would just freak him out.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What am I supposed to do? Pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thanks for giving me your limited-edition Green Lantern lantern.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Did you really have to bring it in with you?
- Sheldon Cooper: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Come on, let's get a drink.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't drink.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Yeah, well, I do, and when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, my.
- [Puts on hands]
- Sheldon Cooper: I've admired these for years.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Does that mean we can go with the girls again?
- Sheldon Cooper: [Imitates Hulk] Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!
- Rajesh Koothrappali: You can't wear the hands on the date.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hulk sad.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What the hell is eighth base?
- Howard Wolowitz: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Watching Leonard melt his action figures with a laser] Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Not just Cylons. Superman's next.
- Howard Wolowitz: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don't have a high-powered weapon.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio lab watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.
- Howard Wolowitz: Flesh-eating bacteria, and yet I still want to kiss this woman. What does that tell you?
- Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off chance you'd get to second base.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: We're way past second base. Right, Howard?
- Howard Wolowitz: Uh, we kind of disagree about what the bases are.
- Penny: Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, I'm sorry. I really am. It's not right to mock what a person believes in.
- Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it's all about?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds?
- Penny: I would not.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, let's go see your psychic.
- Penny: Really?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind.
- Penny: You saying I don't have an open mind?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff.
- Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Great.
- Penny: And astrology.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.
- Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don't work.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really, that's the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?
- Penny: Oh, voodoo's real. You don't want to mess with voodoo.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Namasté, white people! Good news. I've rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Got it.
- Howard Wolowitz: Seen it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Detailed analysis posted online.
- Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: The mysterious sub-continent of India.
- Abby: Ooh... India?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: You know India?
- Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Well, I'm a slumdog astrophysicist.
- Sheldon Cooper: I thought your father was a gynecologist.
- [last lines]
- Martha: Listen, they're kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why, I suppose. Come in.
- [Martha enters his bedroom]
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll sleep in Leonard's room; good night.
- Sheldon Cooper: What is my function as wingman?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: You help me run my game.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay. What is your "game"?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with... Want your fish? I knew you were going to do that. Doesn't make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse.
- Raj Koothrappali: We would just walk around and see what's what.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's a semantically null sentence.
- Howard Wolowitz: I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And that didn't bother you?
- Howard Wolowitz: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I hope you're hungry, Bernadette. We're going to a terrific restaurant.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, yeah, I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.
- Howard Wolowitz: Flesh-eating bacteria and yet I still wanna kiss this woman. What does that tell you?
- Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off chance you'd get to second-base?
- Howard Wolowitz: I should warn you, I'm a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.
- Howard Wolowitz: Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Then what are we gonna do tonight?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sorry. Howard and I are going out with Penny and Bernadette.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled.
- [imitates horse whinnying]
- Howard Wolowitz: How did we get actual women?