- Reggie: Why is Doug so great? Where do I begin? He loves being around me so much, he doesn't even have a job.
- Reggie: [narrating] The only thing Doug loved more than playing with me was playing with his favorite toy: his penis!
- [mid-credit scene - Dr. Hagen is going through the clipboard to Doug who's now in the hospital after being assaulted by the dogs]
- Dr. Hagen: In addition to the facial lacerations and the, uh, severe burn wounds, we also discovered an alarming amount of, um, fecal bacteria in your system, um, which I would imagine came from the... the... the-the...
- Doug: Dog shitting in my mouth?
- Dr. Hagen: Right.
- Doug: Yeah.
- Dr. Hagen: Yeah.
- [Doug sighs]
- Dr. Hagen: [checking the clipboard] Um, ba-ba-ba... checking the clipboard. Uh, oh, yeah, we also, uh, uh, couldn't reattach the penis.
- [Doug is shocked as the screen cuts to black]
- Doug: [yelling] Fuck...!