Bruce Willis credited as playing...
Frank Moses
- Businesswoman: That's right, old man!
- Marvin Boggs: Old man?
- Frank Moses: No respect.
- Marvin Boggs: Can I kill her now?
- Frank Moses: [while grappling with Cooper] Kordesky trained you?
- William Cooper: Yeah.
- Frank Moses: I trained Kordesky.
- [dislocates Cooper's shoulder]
- Ivan Simanov: Still... I owe you... for killing Igor.
- Frank Moses: Igor the Butcher.
- Ivan Simanov: He was a great asset.
- Frank Moses: He was a pig.
- Ivan Simanov: He was my cousin.
- Frank Moses: I'm sorry.
- Ivan Simanov: [raises his glass] To Igor.
- [clinks glasses with Frank]
- Ivan Simanov: The Butcher.
- Frank Moses: [raises his own] He's not dead.
- [Ivan chokes on his vodka]
- Frank Moses: I flipped him.
- Ivan Simanov: ...No.
- Frank Moses: He owns a string of 7-11s in Orange County.
- Ivan Simanov: What?
- Frank Moses: He weighs 500 pounds.
- [They laugh hysterically]
- Frank Moses: [Marvin has just shot a bad guy] Feel better now?
- Marvin Boggs: Yeah. Wanna get pancakes?
- Sarah Ross: [talking quietly about Marvin] Wow. This guy's insane.
- Frank Moses: Well, he thought he was the subject of a secret government mind control project.
- Marvin Boggs: [in another room, checking files] This'll take a minute.
- Sarah Ross: Sure.
- Frank Moses: As it turns out... he really was being given daily doses of LSD for 11 years.
- Sarah Ross: Well, in that case, he looks great.
- Frank Moses: Fantastic.
- Sarah Ross: Yeah...
- Sarah Ross: Get back. Go away. Stay away from me! Is that my bag?
- Frank Moses: Yeah.
- Sarah Ross: You-You packed it?
- Frank Moses: Yes.
- Sarah Ross: [looks around] D-d-did you vacuum?
- Frank Moses: A little yeah, it was messy.
- Marvin Boggs: Why are you trying to kill me?
- Frank Moses: I'm not trying to kill you!
- Marvin Boggs: Oh, yeah. You are.
- Frank Moses: Why would I be trying to kill you?
- Marvin Boggs: Because the last time we met, I tried to kill you.
- Frank Moses: That was a long time ago.
- Marvin Boggs: Some people hold on to things like that.
- Frank Moses: I'm not trying to kill you. Okay? So that makes us friends. Right?
- Marvin Boggs: Right.
- Frank Moses: Good. You wanna take that knife out of my balls now?
- Frank Moses: [to Marvin] Pig! Open the pig!
- [Marvin unzips the pig and Frank pulls out a grenade launcher]
- Sarah Ross: Where are we? How did we get to New York City? Wow. I really hate you right now.
- Frank Moses: I was just hoping you'd be a little more understanding of the situation.
- Sarah Ross: I-I was hoping not to get kidnapped. Or drugged. I was hoping you'd have hair. So it looks like none of our dreams are coming true, at the moment.
- Ivan Simanov: [sighs] I miss the old days... I haven't killed anyone, in years.
- Frank Moses: That's sad.
- Frank Moses: Watch your back, too.
- Joe Matheson: I'm 80 years old. I got stage 4 liver cancer. What the hell can they do to me?
- Frank Moses: They can still shoot you.
- Joe Matheson: Well... I never thought this would happen to me.
- Frank Moses: What?
- Joe Matheson: Getting old. Well I mean... Vietnam, Afghanistan... Green Spring Rest Home?
- Sarah Ross: What do you suppose the-the punishment is for what we're doing here?
- Frank Moses: Death... Maybe life in prison.
- Sarah Ross: Awesome.
- [last lines]
- [Frank and Marvin are being chased by the Moldovan Ground Forces with Marvin wearing a dress and sitting in a wheelbarrow that is being pushed by Frank]
- Marvin Boggs: I told you something bad was gonna happen.
- Frank Moses: [annoyed] Keep your dress on!
- Marvin Boggs: Moldova sucks.
- Frank Moses: [over his shoulder] Moldova sucks!
- Marvin Boggs: Next time, your girlfriend can wear the dress.
- Victoria: Oh, Francis, you're such a romantic.
- Frank Moses: What?
- Victoria: A romantic. It's why I've always been so fond of you.
- Frank Moses: Victoria...
- Victoria: You're all hard on the outside, but you are... you are gooey on the inside... gooey.
- Frank Moses: People get shot all the time.
- Sarah Ross: No, they don't. They get... paper cuts.
- Marvin Boggs: I mostly get shot.
- Frank Moses: How'd you do it?
- Victoria: What?
- Frank Moses: How'd you make the transition? Here you seem so calm. At ease.
- Victoria: I love it. I love it here. I love the baking. I love the flower arranging. I like... I like the routine.
- [Frank gives her a look]
- Victoria: Well, I... I do get a bit restless sometimes.
- Frank Moses: Mm-hmm.
- Victoria: I take the odd contract on the side. I-I just can't stop.
- Frank Moses: [brings out a gas torch] Where'd you get this?
- Marvin Boggs: Home Depot.
- Frank Moses: How much?
- Marvin Boggs: [shrugs] Ten bucks.
- Marvin Boggs: Frank, we gotta get rid of this broad. I know a great place, just up the road. Lots of alligators.
- Frank Moses: We're not getting rid of the broad. I like her. Okay?
- Marvin Boggs: Well, wait? What's the angle?
- Frank Moses: No angle. I like her.
- Marvin Boggs: Ok. So... they pull her voice from the pay phone, probably right now, install the recognition software and backtrace it to Singer. So, then we show up, they bring out the satellite, and we're fried with Y-rays.
- Frank Moses: [on the phone] Did you start that new book?
- Sarah Ross: I did.
- Sarah Ross: And? What's it called?
- Sarah Ross: Uh, it's called "Love's Savage Secret".
- Frank Moses: Nice. Is it any good?
- Sarah Ross: It's terrible. I love it. It's awful.