Channing Tatum credited as playing...
Jenko
- Deputy Chief Hardy: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
- Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
- Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
- Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
- Jenko: One particle of unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor - carry the '2' - changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider. Fuck you, Science!
- [last lines]
- Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
- Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!
- Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!
- Schmidt: Yes!
- Jenko: No!
- Captain Dickson: The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
- Jenko: We get to be brothers?
- Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
- Jenko: But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
- Captain Dickson: God damn.
- [slams desk]
- Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
- Tom Hanson: [pointing gun at Schmidt and Jenko] Goddamn it! Tom Hanson, DEA!
- [pointing gun at Domingo]
- Tom Hanson: On your knees! Now!
- Officer Doug Penhall: Fuck! Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!
- Domingo: What the...
- Officer Doug Penhall: Put your guns on the ground!
- Schmidt: Yes! Yes!
- Tom Hanson: Shut the fuck up! You dweebs just ruined a five year investigation!
- Schmidt: We had no idea, you're like, an amazing actor, man.
- Domingo: You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!
- Tom Hanson: Tough titty, I fucked her too!
- Domingo: What?
- Tom Hanson: You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this? You see this nose? This is a fake nose. You want to wear a fake nose on your fucking head? For, like, months on end!
- Schmidt: There are worse things in the world.
- Tom Hanson: We had to get fucking tattoos on our dicks, man!
- Officer Doug Penhall: Actually, I just said that to mess with you.
- Tom Hanson: What?
- Officer Doug Penhall: It looks tough.
- Jenko: Hey, man, look we know what its like being undercover. Metro Police, Jump Street division.
- Tom Hanson: You're with the Jump Street? That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.
- Jenko: What? That's crazy, man!
- Tom Hanson: Yeah!
- Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?
- Jenko: It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.
- Annie Schmidt: You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober, when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
- Jenko: [is asked if he knows the Miranda Rights] Look, it obviously starts with... you have the right to remain silent...
- Schmidt: [whispers] You have the right to an attorney.
- Jenko: You have the right to remain... an attorney.
- Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
- Schmidt: You do have the right to be an attorney if you want to.
- Jenko: Where do we report to?
- Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street... wait, that doesn't sound right.
- Jenko: The three keys of coolness in high school, by Jenko.
- Schmidt: Mmhmm.
- Jenko: One, don't try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.
- [walks up to car they'll be driving in, Jenko sees it's an old run down car]
- Jenko: Shit.
- Eric Molson: Get in the fucking car now!
- Jenko: Not until you ask nicely.
- Eric Molson: Please get in the car.