Eric Jacobson credited as playing...
Miss Piggy • Fozzie Bear • Animal • Sam Eagle • Marvin Suggs
- Kermit the Frog: What? You kidnapped Jack Black? That's illegal!
- Fozzie Bear: But Kermit, what's more illegal: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets?
- Kermit the Frog: Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!
- Miss Piggy's Receptionist: She has an opening in early September.
- Walter: Early September? But that's in six months!
- Fozzie Bear: That's nothing. I once waited a whole year for September.
- Fozzie Bear: Wow, that was an expensive looking explosion! I can't believe we had that in the budget.
- Veronica: I'm gonna shoot straight: you guys aren't famous anymore.
- Fozzie Bear: Yeesh. I wish she'd shot a little more curvy.
- Tex Richman: The show's over!
- Fozzie Bear: But we were so close!
- [bangs his head against the score board, which suddenly goes from reading, "$9,999,999" to "$99,999.99"]
- Fozzie Bear: Or... not. Eh, kinda makes me feel better, actually. We were nowhere close at all!
- Miss Piggy: Kermit, we found a celebrity! Jack Black has graciously agreed to host the show for us.
- Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?
- Miss Piggy: In the trunk.
- Jack Black: [Inside car trunk] Get me out of here!
- Miss Poogy: Sorry, Miss Piggy. But you've been replaced... Permanently!
- Miss Piggy: Oh, yeah?
- Miss Poogy: Yeah!
- Miss Piggy: I don't think so... sister!
- Miss Poogy: Who are you calling 'sister', sister?
- Miss Piggy: Oh, look! An omelette station.
- Miss Poogy: Where?
- Miss Piggy: HIYA! There's only room for one Miss Piggy. And that's moi.
- Miss Poogy: Yeah? Well, you ain't seen the last of me. I'll be back.
- Miss Piggy: Yesh, yeah, ever heard of mouthwash?
- Fozzie Bear: I went to this bad sea food place the other day. Yeah, it was so bad, the catch of the day was salmon-ella!
- [No one laughs]
- Jack Black: [in pain] That joke is so 50 years old.
- [the audience laughs]
- Sam Eagle: Hello.
- Rowlf: Hello.
- Link Hogthrob: Hello.
- Beaker: Mee-Meep.
- [sees an ax in his own hands, freaks out a bit while getting rid of it to grab a hairdryer]
- Beaker: Mee-Meep.
- Rowlf, Sam Eagle, Link Hogthrob, Beaker: Hello.
- Miss Piggy's Receptionist: Miss Piggy?
- Miss Piggy: [as she's eating a doughnut] What? Can't you see that I'm busy?