Bill Hader credited as playing...
Studio Executive Rob Slolom - Vietnam Crew
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Wow. 8 Oscars, 400 million dollars, and you saved Tugg Speedman's career.
- Les Grossman: I couldn't have done it without you.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Really?
- Les Grossman: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: I wouldn't do that.
- Les Grossman: Ah... joking.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
- Les Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
- Four Leaf Tayback: Spanking a child turns him into a snot. Fear, that's what makes him a man. I know a place where a man's worth is measured by the ears hanging off his dog tags. The real hardcore shit! You wanna make this movie right? That's where you take your pansy ass actors.
- Les Grossman: [beat] Who is this guy?
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Les, that's Four Leaf.
- Four Leaf Tayback: Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book.
- Les Grossman: Wow. You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job!
- Les Grossman: Speedman is a dying star. A white dwarf headed for a black hole. That's physics. It's inevitable.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
- Les Grossman: The universe... is talking to us right now. You just gotta listen.
- [turns on T-Pain's Apple Bottom Jeans and begins to dance to the beat]
- Les Grossman: See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun! Ask... and you shall receive!
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: [dancing along] Right...
- Les Grossman: You play ball... we play ball. I knoowwww... you want the goodies!
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Welcome to the goodie room!
- Les Grossman: You paying attention? I'm talking... G5, Pecker! That's how you can roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boy! Oh yeah! Playa... playa! Big dick playa!
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Swinging past ya knees!
- Les Grossman: Big dick, baby!
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Yep.
- Les Grossman: [turns off the music] Or... you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.
- Rick Peck: Let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of 15 years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone, for some money and a G5?
- Les Grossman: Yes.
- Rick Peck: [pause] A G5 airplane?
- Les Grossman: [whispering] Yes... and lots of money... playaaaa!
- [turns on the music and dances again]
- Rick Peck: [about Speedman] They're going to kill him!
- Les Grossman: And we'll weep for him... in the press, set up a scholarship in his name, eventually - and I'm talkin' way, way down the road - we file an insurance claim.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Preferably before the end of the fiscal year. Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. "Crisis", "explosion", "not rolling", "fired". These are just words.
- Les Grossman: What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it.
- Studio Executive Rob Slolom: You spank that ass Les!