Shrek Forever After (2010)
Walt Dohrn: Rumpelstiltskin, Priest, Krekraw Ogre
Photos
Quotes
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Rumpelstiltskin : You're not going to eat me?
Shrek : I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
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Rumpelstiltskin : I got to say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre; no worries, no responsibilities. You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.
Shrek : Free? Oh, that's a laugh.
Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, yeah?
Shrek : Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again.
Rumpelstiltskin : Well, why didn't you say so? Magical transactions are my specialty!
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Pinocchio : [Rumpelstiltskin tore out pages of a book] Uh, sir? You're gonna have to pay for that.
Rumpelstiltskin : Um, m-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
Pinocchio : Oh, I'm not a real boy.
Rumpelstiltskin : [smiling wickedly] Do you want to be?
[gets evicted from the library]
Pinocchio : Nobody needs YOUR deals anymore, Grumpel Stinkypants!
Rumpelstiltskin : [glares at a torn page with Shrek on it, lividly] I wish that ogre was never born!
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Rumpelstiltskin : Nobody's smart but me!
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Rumpelstiltskin : I don't know, not much of a storybook ending. The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres.
Shrek : All that matters is that they're free and Fiona is safe.
Rumpelstiltskin : Aw, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that. But, hey... I guess you can tell her yourself.
Shrek : [seeing her chained up] Fiona! Stiltskin, we had a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, is she? "By day, one way, by night, another." Blardy, blardy, blar.
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Shrek : So what day *would* I have to give up?
Rumpelstiltskin : [carving a rat] Oh, I don't know, any day. A day from your past. How about the day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet?
[resentfully and faster]
Rumpelstiltskin : A day some meddling oaf stuck his Big nose where it didn't belong, destroying your business and ruining your life!
[the knife shatters the plate, calming down]
Rumpelstiltskin : Just for an example.
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Shrek : All right, Rumpel, what's going on? What have you done?
Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, no, Shrek. It's not what I'VE done. It's what YOU'VE done. Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.
Shrek : They would never do that.
Rumpelstiltskin : They would if I promised them all their problems would disappear.
[in a flashback, Rumpelstiltskin laughs as Harold signs the contract]
Rumpelstiltskin : And then THEY disappeared!
[Harold and Lillian stare in shock and scream as they disappear in sparkly gold dust; their crowns drop down onto the table; back in the present day, Rumpelstiltskin pick up Harold's crown and twirls it around his finger; Shrek looks horrified]
Rumpelstiltskin : Ah, they would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter's curse.
Shrek : I ended Fiona's curse!
Rumpelstiltskin : [rolls the crown aside and kicks it away] How could you when you never existed?
Shrek : [struggles as the witches force him onto his knees] You better start making sense, you dirty little man!
Rumpelstiltskin : [marches up to Shrek and takes the contract out of his vest] Here, let me spell it out for you! You gave me a day from your past, a day you couldn't even remember. Oh-ho-ho. A day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby.
[sticks the contract back in Shrek's vest and marches back to his throne whilst humming "Happy Birthday to You"]
Shrek : [in shocking realisation] You took the day I was born.
Rumpelstiltskin : No, Shrek. You gave it to me.
Shrek : [rises back onto his feet] Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up--!
Rumpelstiltskin : But-but-but-but-but you haven't heard the best part. Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you.
[a witch places a huge hourglass on the table; Shrek watches the slowly-shifting golden sand]
Shrek : Where's Fiona? Where's my family?
Rumpelstiltskin : Ha! Silly little ogre. You don't get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don't exist.
[Shrek grimaces as the witches cackle all around him]
Rumpelstiltskin : How's that for a metaphysical paradox?
[Shrek's anger increases as Rumpelstiltskin and the witches laugh even harder and louder]
Rumpelstiltskin : Looks like you got exactly what you wanted!
[Shrek is now completely enraged]
Rumpelstiltskin : Happy Ogre Day!
Shrek : [lunges forward] Rumpel!
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Rumpelstiltskin : [rolls out a contract] As you can see, everything's in order.
King : So you'll put an end... to our daughter's curse?
Rumpelstiltskin : And in return, you sign the kingdom of Far, Far Away over to me.
[thunder and lightning flash outside; Harold gasps; Fifi hisses; Harold turns to his wife]
King : Lillian, this is madness!
Queen : What choice do we have, Harold? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.
Rumpelstiltskin : It's not like she's, uh, getting any younger.
King : But to sign over our entire kingdom?
Rumpelstiltskin : [slowly slides the contract away] Well, if your kingdom's worth more to you than your daughter...
King : [slams his open palm down onto the contract] Nothing! Is worth more to us than our daughter.
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[first lines]
Rumpelstiltskin : [narrating] Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.