Eddie Murphy credited as playing...
Donkey
- Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
- Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?
- Donkey: I do?
- Shrek: You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy.
- Donkey: I'm a daddy?
- Donkey: You know what would pick up the morale in here? Flip-flop Fridays. You can feel the breeze in your toes.
- Puss in Boots: I am not believing what I have just witnessed. Back there, you and Fiona. There was a spark; a spark inside her heart I thought was long extinguished. It was as if, for one moment, Fiona had actually found her true love!
- Shrek: I am her true love. I ended her curse.
- Puss in Boots: You know of her curse?
- Shrek: "By day, one way, by night another. This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form."
- Puss in Boots: You even know the little rhyme! It is true! You are the one! You must prove it to her!
- Shrek: How?
- Puss in Boots: Convince her! Go to her when she's alone and tell her something that only her true love would know.
- Donkey: [popping out of his hiding spot] Know about what?
- [startled, Puss jumps back and hisses]
- Donkey: Whoo, that's a whole lot of kitty! Shrek, can we keep him?
- Shrek: [learning there's a way to void his deal with Rumpel] Donkey, I've read the fine print and there's nothing about an exit clause in here.
- Donkey: Well, you didn't expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it's done. I didn't spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks. Your tiny little ogre brain couldn't begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills.
- Shrek: What are you doing?
- Donkey: Hey, I can't get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you.
- [folding the contract over itself]
- Donkey: Okay, here's what you got to do. You got to fold this piece here... make this letter match up here... and bring this corner here like this... and if you do it just right, it will show you what to do. There!
- [showing him the finished product]
- Donkey: "Try Lou's Bliss."
- [awkward silence]
- Donkey: Man, who's Lou?
- Shrek: Give me that!
- [re-folding it]
- Shrek: "True love's kiss."
- Donkey: [looking at him suspiciously] Hey. Boy, you gonna have to take me to dinner first.
- Shrek: [after an attempt to break Rumpel's curse doesn't work] I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
- Princess Fiona: Yeah, you know what? That's what they told me, too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did. I saved myself. Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale.
- Shrek: Fiona, don't say that. It does exist!
- Princess Fiona: And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? Did you live all alone in a miserable tower? Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?
- Shrek: But... but I'm your true love.
- Princess Fiona: Then where were you when I needed you?
- Donkey: [Fiona leaves] Maybe you kissed her wrong?
- Shrek: No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
- Donkey: I've never seen an ogre cry.
- Shrek: I'm not crying.
- Donkey: It's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, I cry all the time. Just thinking about my grandma, or thinking about baby kittens, or... or my grandma kissing a baby kitten... or a little baby grandma kitten.
- [tearing up and sobbing]
- Donkey: That is so darn sad.
- Shrek: I said I'm not crying!
- Donkey: Hey, take it easy. I'm only trying to help. It's none of my business why you're upset. By the way, why are you upset?
- Shrek: I was tricked into signing something I shouldn't have.
- Donkey: Oh, you signed up for one of them time-shares, huh?
- Shrek: No.
- [showing him the contract with Rumpelstiltskin]
- Shrek: I signed this.
- Donkey: [gasping] You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin!
- Shrek: Yeah, I got that.
- Donkey: His fine print is crafty.
- Shrek: I know.
- Donkey: His exit clauses are sneaky.
- Shrek: Yeah. I... what did you say?
- Donkey: I'm talking about the exit clause. Used to be you had to guess his name, but now everybody knows who Rumpelstiltskin is.
- Shrek: [figuring out how to break his contract with Rumpel] If Fiona and I share true love's kiss, I will get my life back!
- Donkey: [jumping out of his arms] Okay! This isn't a petting zoo! So where is this Fiona?
- Shrek: Well, that's just it, you see. I don't know.
- Donkey: You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps. So, uh, where did you leave her last?
- Shrek: The last time I saw her... I told her I wished I'd never rescued her.
- [realizing where she is]
- Shrek: Oh, no.
- Donkey: [cut to them approaching the castle] Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, no, wait! Wait, Shrek! What, are you crazy? That's the Dragon's Keep! They keep dragons in there!
- Donkey: [singing "Tomorrow"] Tomorrow , Tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow... .
- Shrek: [while Donkey is singing] Donkey, where am I? What's happening?
- Wagon Witch #1: Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song
- [whips Donkey]
- Donkey: [starts singing part of "Papa don't preach"] But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby...
- Wagon Witch #2: Yeah, I'm driving, so, uh, I'm in charge of the music
- [whips Donkey]
- Donkey: Hey, will you witches make up your mind, please?