- Johnny Carson: [looking Tommy over] That's a nice ensemble.
- Tommy Newsom: Thank you.
- Johnny Carson: Very smart.
- Tommy Newsom: [nodding toward band] Yeah - well, they're a bunch of friends of mine.
- Carnac the Magnificent: May the rains of Ranchipur wash the unnatural desires from your mind.
- Ed McMahon: What a mixed blessing.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [to audience member] No coughing while Carnac is...
- Ed McMahon: Nice to hear *some* sound.
- Carnac the Magnificent: How about *this* sound: "You're fired."
- Carnac the Magnificent: [holding envelope to forehead] Somewhere over the rainbow.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [opens envelope and reads] "Where did Jerry Brown go to high school?"
- Ed McMahon: I hold in my hand, the last envelope.
- [audience cheers/applauds]
- Carnac the Magnificent: May your spinster sister cough up a yak hairball.