[Red has been volunteered to be Santa Claus at the mall this year, and is not at all thrilled about it. He and Kitty are at the mall, dressed like Santa and Mrs. Santa. Bob wears an elf costume]
Kitty Forman: [chuckles] Okay, Mr. Claus. Let's hear your best Santa laugh!
Reginald "Red" Forman: [dully] Ho, ho.
Bob Pinciotti: You left out a 'ho', Red. It's three ho's! Did you even read the Santa manual?
Kitty Forman: Okay, Red, I'm sure you'll do fine. Just remember, Santa is a cheerful, jolly fellow, who never calls a child "dumbass".
[some time later]
Reginald "Red" Forman: So, what do ya want for Christmas?
Young Boy #1: I want a Slinky!
Reginald "Red" Forman: A Slinky? Oh, you'll get sick of a Slinky in a day. I'm putting you down for flash cards. Math, that's what you're getting for Christmas.
[the boy gapes]
Reginald "Red" Forman: Next!
Young Girl #1: I want a pony.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Ponies die.
[the girl is shocked]
Reginald "Red" Forman: What you need is a good pair of boots. Go on, keep it moving.
Little Girl #2: I want a flying car.
Reginald "Red" Forman: I did, too, when I was your age, kid. But then the future came... and took my dreams away. Just like it's gonna take yours.
[the girl gapes]
Kitty Forman: Okay. Okay, little girl, y'know what? I bet if you're extra good, you'll get your flying car one day.
[Kitty and the girl walk away]
Reginald "Red" Forman: [calling after them] Don't listen to her, it's a lie!
[Kitty turns to Red, glaring at him]
Kitty Forman: [chiding] Bad Santa!
