- Eileen Brennan: I hear on Malibu Beach this summer they're insisting on one piece bathing suits. I just wonder, do they mean the top or the bottom?
- Goldie Hawn: Eh, what's purple and conquered Macedonia?
- Judy Carne: I don't know, what?
- Goldie Hawn: Alexander the Grape.
- Judy Carne: Oh, you are funny.
- Judy Carne: I don't know why all the fuss about mini-skirts. They're just regular skirts cut down to thighs.
- Jo Anne Worley: Boris is in favor of the two party system, just as long as they're both at my place.
- Eileen Brennan: I just found out Adam and Eve were never married. Do you know what that makes all of us?
- Dick Martin: All I really want is a woman to love and a mother for my children. And I just hope the two never meet each other.
- Various Roles: What does a 500-pound chicken say?
- Various Roles: Cluck!
- Various Roles: Well see, there's another chicken joke!